Only You
by happysunshine01
Summary: Sequel to 'Just Like Yesterday'. A horrifying tragedy changes JJ's life forever in ways she could have never predicted. The man she once loved returns into her life as a different person and he may be the only one who can truly help her move forward in life.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So here's the sequel as promised. This will be the last story in this series. I hope you're all going to love this story just as much as the previous two. I know for sure that this is going to be a hard journey. But I hope everyone is going to stick around to see what's going to happen. I hope you all like it!

**This story is set seven years after Just Like Yesterday and it's going to contain several flashbacks.** If you have any questions you can always ask.

I don't own criminal minds!

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"There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment."

~ Sarah Dessen

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**Chapter 1: Tragedy strikes**

His body trembled as he walked through the hallways of the hospital. It was like a second home to him. It was where he saved lives. It was a place where he excelled in his talent. Many people told him he was born to be a doctor and he always believed it. He always agreed. But now. Now he couldn't.

Not in that particular moment. He wasn't even able to get enough air into his lungs. All his years of experience as a trauma surgeon seemed to fade away when he heard the name of the patient. Female, 32 years old, Jennifer Jareau. Now she went by the name of Jennifer West, but once he heard the name coming from one of the medics, his world stopped. She had been shot three times. Three times. How could it be? It couldn't be happening.

So Sean Hotchner stood frozen in the hallways of the hospital, trying to get a grip of the situation. He had to call someone. His wife? His brother? No…

He couldn't call Hotch. He hadn't been in his life for over seven years and he hadn't been in JJ's either. He made the decision to break off contact with his own brother in order to move forward in life. But that didn't mean that he didn't keep track of him. He knew exactly what his brother did now. He was FBI. He even worked for the elite unit called the Behavioral Analysis Unit and he had become unit chief. He had an excellent career and Sean knew he could investigate what had happened to JJ.

He needed to know. No one could get away with hurting his best friend. It couldn't happen. No one. So he picked up his phone and went through his list of contacts, stopping at Hotchner. He dialed the number, knowing it would work.

As he listened to the beats, Sean started pacing. He needed to do something. He couldn't just do nothing. But he knew damn well his chief of surgery would kick him out of the OR.

Hotch was sitting behind his desk, looking through cases. He had to find out where the team was going next. It was always an impossible job to decide who to help and who not to. It hurt when he made the final decisions, but it was a part of his job he had to live with. He choose to do it on his own because he didn't want to hire a media liaison anymore. No one had been able to work under the pressure and they always left within six months. He wondered if there were any eligible candidates for the job.

He was pulled from his racing thoughts when his phone rang. It was an unknown number so he thought it would a detective asking for questions about a case. ''Hotchner,'' he greeted, hearing heavy breathing on the other side of the phone.

Sean felt like breaking down when he heard the voice of his older brother. It sounded so different, yet so familiar. '_'Aaron, it's Sean._'' he sighed shortly.

''Sean?'' Hotch croaked out, hearing his brother break down on the other side of the phone. His breathing was erratic and he was whispering but Hotch didn't a hear a word of it. He knew something was wrong. He rose from his chair, grabbing his gun and credentials before storming out of the office. ''Sean! Sean?'' he repeated as he passed by Reid, Prentiss and Morgan. They all looked at him with stunning faces. He realized they had never seen him in such a panic, but he had no time to explain.

''_You have to come, man.'' _Sean suggested as he leaned with his back against the wall and dropping down to the floor. _''It's JJ!''_

Hotch felt paralyzed at the sound of her name. He hadn't spoken to her in what seemed like a century. And it hurt more than anything. She was still on his mind each day. ''What happened? Where are you?'' he asked frantically. ''I'm on my way, Sean. Tell me what's happening.''

''_I'm at work. New-York Memorial Hospital.'' _he replied as he forced himself to keep calm for JJ's sake. _''She was shot, Aaron. Three times.''_

Hotch felt the ground under him disappear and he choked up. He was standing in the elevator with weakened knees and he had to do everything to keep thinking. He was an agent and it was his job to stay calm. _'_'Where is she now?''

''_They just brought her up to the OR.''_

''Sean, it'll take me two hours tops before I'm in New-York.'' Hotch explained. ''I need you to go in there and help her. She needs you, Sean.''

''_I can't do this, Aaron. I can't operate on a friend. Not JJ.'' _he whispered in tears.

Hotch stormed out of the elevator and ran towards his SUV. ''You can do this. You're the best trauma surgeon in New-York. JJ deserves the best.'' he said, thinking about the time he noticed Sean's name in a medical journal. He had been published and labeled as one of the rising surgeons in the field of trauma surgery. He was excelling in every aspect in his field. ''I believe in you.''

Those were the words he needed to hear. So he rose from the ground and started to make his way towards the OR. _'Thanks, Aaron.'' _he said kindly. _''I'll let you know when something happens.''_

''Okay,'' he whispered and then the line went dead.

* * *

Never in his life had Hotch run so fast. His legs were taking on a life of its own and his heart was nearly exploding. He couldn't believe what was happening. Even though he had no contact with JJ in years, he still cared for her. A lot. And he needed to be there. He needed to know what happened. No one got shot three times without a real reason. Something awful must have been going on in her life. No lawyer got shot. He knew that from experience. His days as a prosecutor taught him that behind each crime was a reason. They weren't fair or understandable. So he eventually decided to join the FBI, hoping to catch the bad guys himself and keep them from hurting more people. His job had become the most rewarding thing in his life and it changed him.

Hotch ran past the nurses' station and he heard a nurse calling out to stop him from going any further. So he stopped and turned around frantically. ''Hi!'' he said with urgency, holding his credentials in front of the nurses' face. ''I'm SSA Aaron Hotchner, FBI.'' he explained. ''I'm here about a gunshot victim. Her name is Jennifer Jareau.''

The nurse moved around a little, going through some papers until she stopped at a one piece of paper and he looked at her. ''I have someone by the name of Jennifer West.''

''West?'' he repeated in disbelief. JJ had married the man, he once called his enemy. He felt his knees go weak at the thought of them together, but the fact was that it wasn't his business. JJ had chosen to go her own way. He had no right to feel anything about her marriage. ''Has anyone spoken to her husband?'' he asked in a hurry.

''No, sir.'' the nurse replied. ''But a male victim was found at the same house where your victim was found shot.'' she explained as she shifted through more papers. ''The name is Griffen West.''

Hotch stepped back, realizing the intensity of the news he just received. It wasn't what he wanted to hear. He knew it was going to destroy JJ's life forever if Griffen was going to die as well. She had dealt with too much death in her life already and another one would devastate her completely. ''Where is he?''

The expression on the woman's face told him more than enough. ''He's in ICU.'' she began sadly. ''During surgery Mr. West went into hypovolemic shock. And because of the amount of blood loss and response time of the ambulance, his case is severe.'' she explained with difficulty. ''His organs are shutting down due to the lack of blood in the blood vessels to sustain blood pressure in the vital organs and the brain.''

''Oh my god.'' Hotch whispered emotionally, trying to keep himself together. He had to stay strong. ''Can I see him?''

''Of course.''

Hotch followed the nurse one floor up to the ICU. His heart was sinking as they were nearing the room. He knew the nurse just told him that Griffen was going to die. Now the question was if JJ was going to live.

* * *

A/N: What I did in this chapter felt heartbreaking. I've invested a lot in creating the character of Griffen West and I loved to write him. He might be back in a new story. I feel like he's too great to let go off. I hope you all enjoyed his presence in the stories as much as I did. But he'll appear in many flashbacks to come, so it isn't really the end yet. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here's the next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Westie80, jenny crum, K8e1, Sophia0665, Lexis4MorganPrentiss, CM Fan, Snowbeardolphin and Casie01!

I don't own criminal minds!

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**Chapter 2: Letting go**

Hotch took a seat in the chair next to the bed. The man in the bed looked lifeless. His face was pale and he was far from the men Hotch had known years earlier. But this situation was completely different than anything he had ever experienced. It was hitting close to home this time, even though he hadn't seen JJ in years. It was still as overwhelming. And Hotch had no idea what to say or do. He hoped Griffen was going to be conscious for a few minutes so Hotch had the opportunity to ask some quick questions about the shooting.

Hotch shifted forward in the chair and let his mind wonder. ''I am sorry.'' he whispered. ''I am so sorry.'' he said and this time the tears were threatening to fall.

''You can't leave her. She needs you. She can't lose anyone else. Don't do this to her.'' Hotch pleaded, knowing he couldn't possibly hear his plea. ''Come on! I need to know what happened. No one can get away with this. Don't let them get away with this.'' he begged, his head in his hands as he stared at the floor in despair.

''B..Bl…black…'' a raspy voice croaked out.

Hotch's eyes snapped up to see that Griffen was conscious. But the man looked like he was in a hell of a lot of pain. His eyes were searching for him, so Hotch rose from the chair and put a hand on his shoulder. ''It's Aaron.''

Griffen didn't have enough time or energy to feel surprised. Instead, the images from hours before played through his head. ''JJ? JJ?'' he asked frantically, stumbling through each word. ''Wh..ere?''

''She's in surgery.'' he replied painfully. Hotch watched as Griffen started a struggle in the bed, although her was barely moving Hotch could see the despair and panic in the man's eyes. ''Griffen! Don't!'' Hotch whispered.

Griffen stopped moving, knowing nothing would work. He was dying and he felt it. He barely felt his body and it was as if he laying down in a bath of ice. His body felt ice cold. But he couldn't die without knowing if JJ would live.

''Is there anything you want me to tell her?'' Hotch asked gently. He knew there wasn't enough time to discuss what had happened earlier and he knew that to Griffen it would be far more important that JJ would hear his last words. She at least deserved that much.

''There's a lot.'' he said as he coughed at the end of his sentence.

''I'll write it all down.'' Hotch promised, taking his notebook and a pen to write down the words of a dying man. And as the words started flowing from Griffen's mouth, he felt the amount of love he shared with JJ and his heart broke, knowing they would never be together again. He also heard the name Lucy and he realized that they had a child together.

When Hotch was finally done with the letter, he leaned back in the chair and tried to think of what to do next. He still hadn't heard anything from Sean, but he didn't want to interrupt his brother if he was still performing surgery on JJ. He couldn't afford to make any mistakes, so he could only wait for the news.

Griffen watched Hotch at his side and saw he was struggling with something. He actually looked emotionally involved in his condition and Griffen knew the man by his bedside would do anything to make JJ happy. So he needed a promise. ''Take care of her.'' he croaked out.

Hotch could barely hear the words. ''Griffen?''

''Ta..ke..take care of them.'' he groaned out, opening his left hand to Hotch.

Hotch rose from his chair and looked at the folded picture in his hand. ''Them?''

''Take it.''

Hotch took the picture and stared at it in disbelief. In the picture was JJ, her hair straight and lose and all the way over her shoulders. In her lap was a little girl around the age of four. She was the spitting image of JJ with her long blonde hair and big bright blue eyes. Hotch felt himself choke at the image. The little girl was losing her father. ''Your daughter…'' he sighed deeply. ''She's beautiful, Griffen.''

Griffen's eyes were starting to close and his breaths became shallow. ''Just like her mom.'' he said. ''Take care of them, please!''

''I will.'' Hotch promised.

''Don't let him hurt her again…please…''

Hotch realized he was talking about the perpetrator, but Griffen's eyes were closed before he could respond. ''Who? Griffen?'' he yelled. ''Come on! Tell me!''

''B..bl..black.'' he whispered and those were his final words.

Hotch took a few steps backwards when the machine started beeping and nurses and doctors were storming into the room. And before Hotch knew it, they officially called time of death. Griffen West had died. As Hotch stared at the lifeless man in the bed he clutched the picture of JJ and her little girl in his hand. He made a promise to Griffen he was never going to break it. JJ and her daughter's life were now in his hands and he would do anything to protect them both.

Hotch walked out of the room, but was immediately approached by a younger man who had a distraught look on his face. So Hotch stopped, knowing he was going to say something. ''How can I help?'' he asked politely.

The man held up a badge in front of Hotch. ''I am detective Adam Carter and you just came out of the hospital room of a victim.'' he began angrily. ''May I ask what you were doing?''

Hotch pulled his credentials from his pocket and held them up in response. ''I'm SSA Aaron Hotchner, FBI.'' he introduced quickly. ''And the victim, Griffen West, just died.''

The expression on the detective's face turned grimmer than before. ''Oh my god,'' he breathed out.

''Did you know him?'' Hotch asked curiously.

Adam looked at Hotch. ''He's my partner's husband. She's in surgery as we speak.'' he started. ''But what is the FBI doing here?''

Hotch wasn't at all surprised to hear that JJ was working for NYPD. He never thought she fitted in at Parker & Watson. But being a detective seemed perfect for the blonde. ''Your partner…'' he stuttered. ''JJ's in an old friend of mine. We go way back to our teens.'' he explained. ''My brother, Sean, called and asked me to come out here when he found out JJ had been shot. I've been here for about an hour.''

''JJ mentioned your name once or twice.'' Adam said.

''That's a surprise.'' Hotch whispered, trying to refocus on the next steps that needed to be done. ''Is her daughter safe?''

''Yeah, thank god she is.'' Adam assured instantly. ''Lucy was staying over at a friend of JJ's.''

Hotch turned around with his hands on his head, feeling grateful that the little girl was unharmed. He turned back around to face Adam. ''Look,'' he began. ''I don't have any business being on this case, but I would like to help. I have a great team of profilers and they'll be able to contribute to this case.'' he said professionally. ''But my main concern is for JJ and I just promised her husband I would take care of her. I want to be here and I want to help.''

Adam sighed deeply as he thought about the offer. Working with FBI wasn't always the best for NYPD. They had taken over cases multiples times. ''I'll accept the help, but NYPD will stay in charge.'' he said. ''And since JJ seems to like your type I will agree with it.''

''Thank you!'' Hotch said, shaking his hand. ''I'm going to call in my team right now.'' he said before he pulled his phone from his pocket to call his team.

He dialed the number and impatiently waited for the call to be answered. He sat back down in a chair, trying to keep himself at bay. It was all he could do for now. But he wanted and needed answers.

Garcia had fallen asleep in her chair, but shrilling sound of her cell made her jump from her much needed sleep. She looked at time, swearing loudly when she noticed the ID on the screen. Of course her boss was once again spending all of his time working. _''Hello, sir.'' _she greeted hoarsely. _''How can I help you?''_

''I need you to call in the team and get them on the jet within the hour.'' he ordered. ''We have a new case, Penelope.''

Garcia was just starting to wake up a bit when she realized he had found them a case. The team had just gotten back from a long two weeks in Georgia. The case had taken its toll on everyone and now she needed to call everyone in again. '_'Where are you, sir?''_ she asked politely.

''I'm in New-York.'' he replied. ''An old friend of mine was shot multiple times and is in surgery as we speak. Her husband died a few minutes ago.''

Garcia gasped at the sound of his voice. It was filled with pain and despair. _''I'll get the team on the jet asap.''_ she promised sadly. _''Is there anything else I can do?''_

Hotch rose from the chair again when he noticed that several officers and another detective walked into the hallways and were approaching Adam Carter. ''I want you to find out if our victims had any enemies. Check phone records, social media and get me a list of close friends and family, please!''

''_Of course, sir!'_' she said. _''What are the names?''_

Hotch sighed deeply. ''Jennifer West and Griffen West.'' he replied heavily, his heart sinking when he summed up the names. ''I'll call you in half an hour to speak to the team as well. I want you on that jet too, Garcia.''

''_Of course, sir!'' _she said before hanging up the phone. She grabbed her laptop and raced through the hallways of the BAU, hoping to find her team members in the bullpen. She had been in her own office all night so she had no idea if anyone was still present.

She was near the bullpen when she saw her friends walking towards the elevator. ''Stop!'' she yelled loudly, causing everyone to turn around in shock. She stopped in her heels, nearly fainting from the intense run she just had. ''Wheels up right now!''

Emily stepped away from behind Morgan to get a clear view of Garcia. The woman looked exhausted. ''What's going on, Pen?''

''The bossman wants as all in New-York for a new case.'' she explained. ''It's a personal matter.'' she said. And those last words was all it took for the team to ask no further questions. Everyone knew Hotch never had any personal matter, but when he did it was extremely important.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to JenniferJareauCM, Westie80, Sophia0665, K8e1, Casie01, jenny crum, AvngAngl, Lexis4MorganPrentiss, handsome-uks and CM Fan!

I don't own criminal minds!

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**Chapter 3: Familiar face**

The team was seated on the plane and everyone was wondering what was going on with Hotch. It wasn't like him to get the team involved with a personal matter. He never shared the tiniest detail in his life and now the team was involved in case, which they still didn't know anything about. So the questions wouldn't go away any time soon.

Garcia sat down in a chair with a laptop in her hand. The NYPD had sent over crime scene photos of the scene. It was pretty horrible and she didn't like to look at it all, yet she had to. She opened the laptop and placed it on the table so everyone had a clear view of the screen. She opened the folder with the pictures, turning her gaze to the rest of the team. ''Griffen West and Jennifer West were found shot by cops who responded to an anonymous 911 call.'' she began sadly, showing a bloody picture. ''Griffen West died about half an hour ago. His wife is still in surgery as we speak and Hotch is waiting for news on her condition.''

Reid looked intently at the way the blood was spread in the pictures. ''How many shots were fired?'' he asked.

''In total five shots were fired.'' Garcia replied immediately. ''Griffen West suffered two gunshots to the stomach and the wife was a completely different story. She suffered one to the heart and two to the shoulder.''

Morgan looked at Reid, noticing that he was thinking. ''What are you thinking Reid?''

''It's like two different intentions.'' he began. ''The husband was shot in the stomach, which is a slow and painful way to die if he didn't already went into shock. But the woman was shot in the heart and shoulder.''

Emily was picking up on his theory. It was actually very clear. The patterns didn't match. ''The unsub shot the husband with the intent to make him suffer and his wife was supposed to die within minutes.'' Emily stated simply.

''I understand what you're both suggesting.'' Rossi said. ''But why didn't he shoot her in the heart three times?''

''Garcia, can you go back three pictures?'' Reid asked her kindly. He waited for the right picture and pointed to a point where the blood was all over the living room. ''The blood spatter suggest she fought her attacker.''

''So she puts up a fight and gets shot in the shoulder twice. Then the unsub gains control and shoots her in the chest.'' Morgan said simply. ''That either means he didn't expect her to be home or he didn't know she could fight back.''

''We can rule out a stalker.'' Garcia said, letting her voice be heard. She realized the team wasn't getting more information from the pictures so she decided to give them background information on the victims. ''Griffen West is Managing Partner of the Law Firm Parker & West. I found several articles on the internet and everyone speaks very highly of him. He became Managing Partner when Richard Watson died of cancer so the name changed from Watson to West.'' she explained, seeing the faces staring at her in disbelief. ''What?''

''I know you're good, Pen.'' Emily started. ''But I've never seen you get this much information in such a short amount of time.''

''This is personal for Hotch.'' Garcia said, not fully understanding her friend skepticism. ''He's our boss, but most importantly our friend.''

Morgan put a hand on Garcia's shoulder to calm her down. He saw that she was annoyed by Emily. ''We just don't know why, baby girl.'' he tried to explain. ''Hotch hasn't given us much information.''

Rossi decided to interrupt. He had known since seeing the pictures why it was a personal case for Hotch. He had seen his best friend carry a photo in his wallet of the blonde. Rossi asked questions on numerous occasions but never got an answer. Until Hotch was drunk one night after a break-up and he claimed the girl in the picture was the love of his life and he told almost every detail about the blonde. ''Her maiden name is Jareau.'' he began. ''Hotch met her when she was just sixteen years old.''

''Oh my god.'' Emily breathed out, realizing she had been out of line. ''Were they friends or more?''

Rossi sat back in the chair, preparing himself to summarize the long and dramatic story. ''Her family was killed in a car crash. The other driver was Hotch's father and Hotch witnessed the crash and was only able to save Jennifer. Her parents and sister died on impact.'' he said sadly. ''They have a long and complicated history which I'm not comfortable telling you all about. It should be Hotch's choice.'' he went on. ''I just wanted to make it clear to everyone that there's a good reason that he wants us on this case.''

Everyone was silent for the next minutes to come. No one even knew Hotch's father was incarcerated. It was a lot to hear about their stoic leader. The man seemed like a closed off man. He never showed emotion, but he was one hell of a profiler and because of that everyone respected him.

''What can you tell us about Jennifer, Pen?'' Emily asked in a whisper.

''Jennifer West has been a NPYD detective for nearly four years. Her record is very impressive. She had solved several high profile cases and because of that the FBI has offered her a job numerous times.''

''So she's practically one of us.'' Morgan added. ''She has to live. Even if it's just for Hotch.''

Garcia closed the laptop and leaned back in the chair, knowing they had a long road ahead of them. But in that moment she didn't really care about her sleep deprivation. She could only think about the woman who was still fighting for her life. Someone Hotch cared for. They couldn't lose her. She knew her boss didn't deserve it at all. No one did.

* * *

Hotch was still waiting for news on JJ. Adam Carter and a group of detectives and officers were just as concerned as he was. It looked like JJ had an impact on each of their lives as well. That fact wasn't at all surprising to him. JJ was easily to like and someone who didn't obviously had trouble with sweet and goodhearted people.

Hotch was still staring down at the floor when he heard an awfully familiar voice closing in on him. He finally looked up to see his younger brother standing a few feet away from. So Hotch immediately got up and slowly approached him. The look on his face was filled with a hint of happiness and he immediately knew that JJ was still alive.

Sean returned Hotch gaze as he felt slightly uncomfortable. But the situation didn't really allow him to feel that way. ''She's going to be fine, Aaron.'' Sean whispered standing in front him. ''Surgery was rocky but she's out of the woods for now.''

''Thank god.''

''Thank you for coming.'' Sean started. ''I just didn't know who else to call. You need to find the bastard who did this.'' he said, the tears stinging in his eyes. He had seen JJ completely torn apart. She had defensive wounds all over her body. She was covered in them. ''She fought, Aaron. She fought for her life.''

Hotch stepped forward and hugged Sean tightly, hoping it wouldn't be too forthcoming. ''We're going to find him, Sean. I promise you.''


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Westie80, jenny crum, JenniferJareauCM, Casie01, CM Fan, Christiangirl, Sophia0665, Snowbeardolphin and Talonat!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 4: Different life**

The team went from the airport straight to the crime scene. Only Garcia and Rossi went to the hospital to check on Hotch and the information he had. Reid, Morgan and Prentiss jumped from the SUV and made their way towards the house. The scene was crawling with officers and detectives. Morgan realized it had everything to do with the fact that JJ was a NYPD detective. The full force of the NYPD was going after her attacker and he knew they wouldn't rest until the unsub had been caught. He knew from experience what it was like to work as a detective. He had done it before he joined the BAU and it was one of the most rewarding experiences in his life. The BAU was just a step up to even bigger things and helping out in a different way, but he didn't regret a second of it.

Morgan was about to lift up the tape when a detective walked towards them and stopped them from entering the scene. Morgan took his badge and showed it. ''SSA Derek Morgan,'' he introduced. ''We're here to help.''

The officer stepped back in anger. ''Yeah, of course the feds need to take over.''

Emily whirled around angrily. She was sick of the local police always believing that FBI stole their cases. ''We're here to help…officer…'' she said looking at his nametag. ''Officer Sanchez.'' she went on. ''Believe it or not but we care as much about this case as any of you. Our boss knows Jennifer Jareau and he asked us to help. So are you going to let us in?''

''Of course.'' he said as he stepped to the side so the team could enter the front yard. ''The captain is inside waiting for your team.''

Emily gave the officer a friendly nod before she started walking. She was right behind Morgan and Reid as they entered the house. The house looked more like a mansion then a normal suburban home and the first thought on everyone's mind was robbery. And as they walked inside that thought vanished instantly. A large part of the living room was covered in blood. A robber wouldn't go through that much trouble.

Emily stopped behind the couch were the biggest pool of blood was. She looked up to see Reid following a blood trail to the other side of the living room. ''What do we know based on the scene?'' she wondered out loud as she let eyes take in the room.

''No fingerprints or DNA has been found.'' Morgan said. ''This unsub is organized.''

''He managed to leave no traces, even after a fight with one of the victims.'' Reid suggested. ''He has done this before.''

''Why would you say that, Reid?'' Morgan asked in surprise.

Reid stepped next to Emily pointing at the pool of blood. ''This is where the husband was shot. He bled out right here. He took out the biggest threat first.'' Reid went on. ''Then a struggle with Jennifer starts. They fight, she gets shot and he manages to leave no DNA?'' he asked. ''One of the detectives just told me that doctors tried to remove particulates from underneath her fingernails, but they already had been cleaned.''

''So he covered his tracks.'' Emily stated simply. ''Am I the only who's thinking that this might have been an ordered hit?''

''It sure looks like it.'' Morgan agreed. He turned around to the detective behind him. ''Was there any piece of evidence he left behind?''

A slightly older man stepped from the kitchen into the living room and walked towards Morgan. ''Hello,'' he said, shaking his hand. ''I'm captain Reed.'' he introduced.

''I'm SSA Morgan.'' Morgan introduced quickly. ''These are SSA's Spencer Reid and Emily Prentiss.''

They all shook hands quickly before moving on to the question. ''The killer didn't leave behind much evidence. We found bloody footprints and a pair black leather gloves covered in blood.'' the captain summed up. ''We believe he forgot to take them with him.''

''This guy doesn't forget anything. If he left gloves behind it was definitely on purpose. It means something.'' Morgan said to correct him.

''The unsub is intelligent and extremely confident. He knows what he's doing.''

As Morgan and Reid continued the conversation with the captain, Emily started to walk around the room, her face pale and her mind completely blank. She realized she had seen this before. It was all too familiar.

''I know who the killer is!'' she blurted out.

* * *

It was about thirty minutes later that the team was sitting in a small conference room at the hospital. Prentiss hadn't said a single word since they came back from the crime scene. She said she only wanted to tell her story once, in front of Hotch, Rossi and Garcia.

Now she was seated across from Hotch, her mind racing as she felt all eyes on her. She breathed in deeply before she started. ''Before I joined the BAU I worked for Interpol.'' she began and the shocked faces around her didn't make it much easier on her. ''I've seen this MO before. I've worked on it on several different cases.''

Hotch put his elbows on the table, trying to figure out what Emily was exactly trying to tell them. ''What does this have to do with our case?'' he asked impatiently.

''By the time the case landed on my desk there were already seventeen victims.'' she started. ''All the victims were found shot in their own homes. The killings took place during the evening or the night. At each crime scene a set of black leather gloves was found.'' she stopped for a second before continuing. ''The gloves are his signature and no DNA has ever been retrieved because he wears latex gloves in the leather gloves.''

''So he wears the leather gloves for show?'' Hotch asked. ''What else do you know?''

''Interpol managed to get several aliases on him.'' she replied. She thought back to her time at Interpol, remembering the names. The case still haunted her to that very day. The unsub was a cold killer. ''His known aliases are Carl Black, Terry Black and John Black. Interpol named him The Nightwalker because he kills at night.'' she went on. ''We believe he's a freelance assassin because the murders took place all over the world.''

Hotch was shocked by the amount of information he had to absorb. Emily's story fitted what happened to JJ and what the team had managed to figure out so far. ''Prentiss, contact Interpol and ask if there have been any recent murders.'' he ordered. ''Garcia dig into the lives of Griffen and JJ and figure out if they have any enemies.'' he said. ''I want the rest of you to brief NYPD.'' he added as he rose from the chair. ''After Prentiss has contacted Interpol I want to talk to Jennifer.''

Hotch walked out of the room in complete disbelief. He didn't know why anyone would hire an assassin to kill JJ or even Griffen. They seemed to be leading completely normal lives. But something was very wrong and he was going to figure out what it was.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Sophia0665, Lexis4MorganPrentiss, CM Fan, Christiangirl, jenny crum, Westie80 and Snowbeardolphin!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 5: Seeking comfort**

Hotch was waiting outside JJ's hospital room. He was standing next to Adam Carter and Prentiss, waiting for Sean to let them know how JJ was holding up. His heart was breaking at the thought of telling her that Griffen had died. He didn't want to be the one, but JJ deserved to hear it from him. It had become his responsibility the moment Griffen asked him to take care of JJ and her daughter. He wasn't going to break that promise. He couldn't, even if he wanted to. He would do anything for JJ. That was always a fact and he didn't think anything could ever change that. He had never given up on JJ. He still loved her and he always would. Her choice seven years ago never changed his feelings for a second. JJ was and always would be the one for him.

Adam looked to his side, noticing Hotch was panicking. ''She's going to be alright.'' he assured. ''She made it, Aaron.''

''She might be alright physically, for now!'' Hotch began. ''But she has suffered a major trauma and a huge loss. JJ won't just have to deal with Griffen's death herself but also with her daughter. That little girl has lost her father. Who's going to tell her that?''

Emily stepped towards Hotch and put a hand on his shoulder, realizing he was about to break down any second. ''Excuse us.'' Emily said politely as she pulled Hotch into the nearest restroom.

Hotch stared into Emily's eyes in astonishment. He was breaking down in front of his subordinate. His control was slipping and he was losing every piece of it. But he didn't expect anything else. ''I'm sorry.'' he apologized. ''I didn't mean for this to happen.''

''Sir,'' Emily began but she corrected herself. ''Hotch, she's alive and she'll get through this.''

Hotch turned his gaze to the ground as the first tear streamed down his face. ''I don't know if I can help her through this. Not this.'' he cried out. ''This is too much for her to handle. She has been through so much.''

Emily was blown away by the amount of emotion her boss was showing for the blonde stranger. She had never seen him care like that. And then she realized something. Something she couldn't confirm earlier. But now it was definitely confirmed. ''You love her.'' she blurted out as her hand went to her mouth.

Hotch nodded his head heavily. ''Yeah, I do.'' he confessed without any restraint. ''I love her so much it hurts. I haven't seen her in seven years and I'm about to turn her entire world upside down. How can I ever live with that?''

''I can do it, Hotch. Someone on the team can do it. It's not your job task.'' Emily said but she was interrupted by Hotch when he spoke again.

''She deserves to hear it from someone she knows. I need to do this, even though I will hurt like hell. But the pain I'll feel will be nothing in comparison with JJ's feelings. She's going to be completely devastated.''

''I understand.'' Emily agreed. ''But we're all here for you, Hotch. The team supports you no matter what.''

''Thank you.'' Hotch whispered before he left the restroom to go back to wait in the hallway. Once Sean gave him the word it was going to be official. So he was going to savor his last minutes of sanity when he still could.

* * *

In the other room, Sean was pacing through JJ's room. He kept checking her chart and vitals to be sure he didn't miss anything. He had to be sure. Performing surgery on one of his best friend had been hell. JJ had crashed once and the other doctors nearly gave up on her as Sean fought her life. And she lived through it. She made the first step, but even Sean knew a lot more was going to come. She hadn't even woken up yet and once she did, JJ was going to get the horrible news of Griffen.

Sean sat back down in the chair next to the bed and took JJ hand in his. He softly squeezed her hand as he looked at her face. She looked like a ghost. She pale and in the bed she looked like the tiniest person in the world. He didn't recognize a trace of the strong woman he knew was in there and it scared him. The thought that this could've happened to his family terrified him. If he had lost Tracy to an insane killer he wouldn't have made it. He wouldn't even know how to live. Tracy was his entire life and without her his life would be an empty void.

Sean snapped back to reality and had no idea what he could do to pass time. So he sat up in the chair and decided to talk to JJ. He always wondered if she could possibly hear him. As a doctor he knew it was scientifically impossible but he always like to believe in something more. It gave him hope. ''Do you remember my wedding?'' he asked sadly. ''I do.'' he went on. ''You, Griffen, Tracy and I got completely drunk after the reception ended. The four of us had so much fun that night. I can still remember that Griffen made a big ass of himself when he was singing karaoke and you were cheering him on like he was the best singer in the entire universe. It was one of those days I realized you're my family, JJ. You have always been by my side and you've never left. You were there when I was in Africa. You calmed my nerves when I told you I was proposing to Tracy. You made me feel loved during all the years of heartache and I'll be forever grateful.'' he said in tears. ''But now I need you to wake up so I can tell you this.''

It was as if a miracle suddenly happened. Right after Sean's last words, he noticed JJ's eyes fluttering. So he immediately rose from his chair and sat down on the edge of the bed. ''JJ?'' he whispered sweetly. ''Can you hear me?''

JJ tried to move when she heard the familiar voice, but the tiniest movement caused sharp pains to course through her body. So she lay completely still as she fought to open her eyes. Her mind was completely blank as she stared at Sean. She didn't know where she was. ''Sean?''

''Oh my god!'' he said in response. ''You're here. You made it.''

JJ tried to remember what happened after she realized she was in a hospital room. A flash of an evil and cold face flashed before her eyes and the fear took over every ounce of pain she felt. She tried to struggle to get up but Sean was holding her down. A whimper escaped her mouth as she fought wildly, trying to escape from what she thought was a dangerous situation.

Outside the room Hotch heard the commotion so he stormed inside to see Sean hovering above a terrifying looking JJ. Her eyes were filled with complete fear. So Hotch approached the bed, hoping he could help. He stepped next to Sean and gently put a hand on JJ's shoulder. ''JJ, you're safe. You're safe.'' he whispered, meeting her eyes for the first time. ''I'm here.''

JJ stared into the big smoldering brown eyes and her heart immediately slowed down when she realized she was safe. But Hotch wasn't supposed to be there. ''Aaron?'' she asked.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to DebbieOz, Westie80, Sophia0665, jenny crum, CM Fan, Christiangirl and Snowbeardolphin!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 6: Life changing moment**

Hotch stepped closer to the bed and pulled his hand away from her shoulder. He stared back into the blue eyes and his heart already broke for her. She still didn't have the knowledge he had and he wanted to spare her the pain of knowing. But Griffen was her husband. She was going to ask eventually.

JJ looked around the room in a panic. Sean was there. That was something she expected. But Hotch? No, she didn't think she would ever see him again. But the most important person was missing. Griffen wasn't there, but she still remembered he had been shot. She found him on the floor. In a pool of his own blood. The pieces of earlier started to come together. Where was Griffen? Was he alive? Did he make it?

* * *

_**Seven hours earlier…**_

_JJ stirred in the bed restlessly. She hadn't been able to close her eyes since she went to bed. Something didn't feel right. So she sat straight up and turned the light on. She was about to grab a book when she heard a muffled sound coming from downstairs. It was the very familiar sound of the backdoor closing. She stepped from the bed, but was stopped when she felt a hand around her wrist. She looked behind her to see Griffen with fluttering eyes staring at her. _

_He sat up in the bed and crawled behind her. ''What's up, babe?'' he whispered in her ear. ''Come back to bed.''_

''_I heard the backdoor closing.'' she said with a hint of panic in her voice. ''I'll just check it out and come back to bed.'' _

''_No!'' Griffen said. ''I'll check it out. Get some sleep. You're going to need because you're still working on that big case.'' he said sweetly. He pressed a kiss to her neck before he slipped from the bed and made his way out of the room._

_JJ lay back down and pulled the covers over her body. She was about to close her eyes when she heard Griffen talking to someone. She jumped from the bed and when her feet hit the floor two shots were fired. Her instincts as a cop didn't set in. She didn't take her gun from the nightstand. Instead, she ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs, almost falling over her own feet. The panic was setting in when she saw Griffen's arms behind the couch. So she ran behind it and knelt down when she saw her husband sprawled out on the floor with blood seeping from his stomach. Her chest was heaving from the panic and when she looked into his eyes, she saw the fear. She knew she had to try and stop the bleeding. She took off her sweater and pressed it to his wound as he hissed out in pain. ''Griffen!'' she yelled. ''Come on! Hold on! I love you!''_

_Griffen looked into her blue eyes frantically as he watched two black letter boots coming up behind his wife. His eyes were so big they almost popped. ''JJ!'' he warned but she didn't look behind her._

''_You're going to be okay!'' she said when she suddenly felt a black leather glove covering her mouth. She froze instantly as her hands were still on Griffen's stomach to try and stop the bleeding from becoming worse. _

''_Stand up and turn around!'' the cold voice ordered._

_JJ did as he said as she held eye contact with Griffen, trying to find the safety she always felt with him. Trying to search for something to be assured they were going to live through it. But his eyes reflected her feelings. ''I love you!'' she whispered. She turned around to see a man in black clothes standing in front of her. He was wearing black leather gloves and his eyes were black. She couldn't trace any amount of emotion. He pointed his gun at her heart and JJ knew she wasn't going to survive. He was going to kill them both without any doubt. So she leaped forward and pushed them both to the ground. The gun went off as she fell onto the intruder's body. She felt a sharp pain going through her shoulder and the moment of pain was enough for the man to kick JJ away from him. _

_She fell backwards and rose from the ground and was once again stopped when the gun was pointed at her. But she didn't stop and another shot to her shoulder was fired. But the adrenaline was keeping her from giving up. She punched and kicked the attacker, feeling her entire body ache in a sharp pain. She had suffered cuts and bruises but she still wasn't stopping. She had managed to throw the gun to the other side of the room. She kicked him once in the stomach and managed to get away and she grabbed the gun on the other side of the room. She took it and turned around to fire when she got shot in the chest, realizing the stranger brought two weapons. She fell backwards, clutching her chest frantically. She could feel the bullet tearing through her flesh and time started to slow down. It reminded her of the car crash. It felt like she was dying and each movement around her sounded that much louder. She tried to get up but the pain incapacitated her completely. And before she knew it her eyes closed._

* * *

JJ opened her eyes again, looking Hotch in the eye. He had to be there for a reason. She always denied knowing anything about him, but she had learned from Sean that he was FBI. So he had to be there on official business. ''Griffen?'' she asked. ''Where's Griffen?''

Hotch turned around to look at Sean. ''Can you give us a few minutes, please?''

Sean nodded and gave JJ a sweet nod before he left the room, hoping that his friend was going to survive the horror she had been put through.

Hotch sighed deeply and sat down on the little space that was left on the bed. He could see that JJ didn't mind his presence or else she would've said something. That fact gave him some piece of mind. For just a minute though. ''JJ, do you remember what happened?'' he asked.

JJ nodded in response, her heart sinking at the expression on Hotch's face. ''I do.'' she replied. ''Tell me, Aaron!'' she pleaded. ''Where's Griffen?''

''He died while you were still in surgery, JJ.'' he said gently as his eyes started watering. JJ's response was heart stopping. Her hands went to her eyes as she started crying. ''I'm so sorry, JJ. I'm so sorry.'' he whispered as he put his hand on JJ's leg to give her some sort of comfort. ''Do you want to be alone?''

JJ let her hands fall to the bed. ''No, I don't.'' she cried out. ''This can't be happening. I don't…I don't know how to…'' she stumbled as the tears only became worse with each breath she took. Her chest was heaving from the despair that went through her entire being. ''This isn't real. He can't be dead. I can't do this.'' she cried out.

Hotch bent down and gave JJ a sweet and gentle hug. She immediately responded by burying her head in his shoulder as she kept crying. Hotch could feel her entire body shaking as he just held her, knowing he would never be enough to take away her pain.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Here's the next one. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to CM Fan, jenny crum, Sophia0665, Christiangirl, Snowbeardolphin and Westie80!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 7: Moment of truth**

Hotch held JJ in his arms for as long as he could. As he held her, he was reminded of everything he loved about being with her. The smell of her hair, the way her body melted into his, but most of all just the feeling of holding her. Being close to her had only been the one thing he could dream about. For seven long years he never thought she'd appear in his life again, especially not like this. And he would change it if he could. He would put JJ's happiness ahead of his own. Years ago that wasn't the same. He would've been afraid and selfish, but he had changed. One final case at the DA's office changed his life and aspirations. He watched a serial killer get away with several murders because the police didn't do their jobs right. There was nothing he was able to do to put the man away. Seeing the families of the victims break down in court was the moment Hotch realized he wanted to do something different. He joined the FBI weeks later and for the first time in years he felt like he did the right thing. It was something that had become who he was. His job meant the world to him and his team had become family. They filled a void that had been missing for a long time. Maybe it was the missing piece that his divorce with Haley caused. His divorce had been a strain on his relationship with Jack and he didn't see his son for months at a time. But Haley slowly started to see that their marriage wasn't a lie and that they just never belonged together. And since that moment Hotch's relationship with Jack was starting to repair. And now they were closer than ever. Hotch wouldn't change that for the world. But in the time he spent with Jack, he always imagined that he would meet the one woman he had always loved. But for years he knew that wasn't a possibility. The idea that it had become a chance now was only heartbreaking. The way they were thrown back into each other's lives wasn't exactly what he wished for. It was the exact opposite.

JJ was still crawled against his body when she heard a soft whimper escaping his mouth. She let her arms fall back on the bed, the tears still in her eyes. JJ lifted her hand up to wipe away her own hand, but even the slightest movement caused pain to course through her body. She just wanted to know what Hotch was thinking about.

Hotch fully turned to JJ when he felt her struggle. He sat straight up and looked her in the eye, searching for a moment of piece. He just couldn't find it. It was to be expected. ''Do you want to talk about it?'' he asked painfully, trying to hide his tears. ''You don't have to tell me…'' he assured when he noticed the expression on her face.

JJ stared at him intensely, considering her answer. ''I don't know how to answer that.'' she finally replied. ''A part of me just wants to cry and every other part of me wants to scream, Aaron. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not to me. Not to him!'' she cried out. ''I was finally happy and moving on with my life. I had found the life I wanted.''

''JJ, I didn't mean to…'' he tried to say but she cut him off.

''It's fine, Aaron. This isn't your fault.'' she began. ''It's my fault!'' she cried out.

Hotch mouth fell open in surprise. His hand went through his raven black hair. ''JJ,'' he said, his voice tender and soft. ''I don't know what happened. But this isn't you fault in no way what whatsoever.'' he began. ''Griffen asked me to write some things down for you. I was there when he died, JJ.'' he clarified. ''And he knew exactly what you were going to say. So read this letter.'' he suggested as he handed her the piece of paper from his pocket. ''I'll leave you alone.''

JJ wasn't sure of what to expect. She carefully unfolded the letter and she felt her heart plummet when she saw the last sentence in the letter. But she started reading at the top.

_Dear JJ,_

_I don't know how to start this letter because these are the last words you'll ever hear from me. Knowing that I am going to die definitely scares me and I'm not going to lie about that to you. But having the honor to love you will make it all easier, JJ. Please don't question that. Ever._

_Before you came into my life, I was only responsible for me and I never needed anybody. I was only committed to me and my job. In those years I truly believed I had everything the world had to offer me. But little did I know I was lacking the most important part of life. I realized that when I met you. Now, after seven years with you, I have experienced that you're the only person who can make my life truly complete. _

_You embody everything I always needed in life. Your compassion and lovingness has made me the man I always wanted to be. Sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve you, but I don't dwell on that because you choose a life with me, which I am grateful for. And who am I to take that for granted?_

_I realize I am going to have to end this letter soon, but I have so much more to say. First of all, don't blame yourself for what happened tonight. It was only the fault of the man who invaded our home. I know you'll blame yourself, but please don't do that. Second of all, I love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. I know we've had our ups and downs over the years, but our love has been a constant through it all. No matter what happened we were always able to never forget that. I value that the most in our relationship. And third of all, you have given me the greatest gift anyone could ever receive. Our beautiful daughter. She has been a true blessing in disguise, JJ. I love that little girl just as much as I love you. I know Lucy will grow up to be just like you and that thought reassures me. Just knowing that you are her mother makes me happy. Because she'll grow up with so much love and the best role model. I know you can do this without me. We both know that you've been the one who practically raised her. Please, believe in yourself. Lucy is going to need you now more than ever, JJ. Tell her how she grew up, being loved deeply by both of her parents. And when she's old enough you can tell her our story, because to me it's a fairytale._

_If it were up to me, we would be together forever. I would give anything to have that. To call you mine as we grow old and wrinkly. But you are my forever, JJ. No matter where I go, you'll be in my heart. I just wasn't meant to be your forever and I hope that one day you will accept that and move one from whatever happens next. You deserve a life without pain and hurt. I hope you'll find it one day and when you do, I want you to look up at the stars and tell me because I'll wait for that moment._

_Right now I wish I could wrap you in my arms. Kiss your head and lips. And before I let you go, I would tell you I would love you till the end of time. Because I will._

_Yours forever,_

_Griffen_

_PS: Tell Lucy I love her and that I'll never leave her side._

JJ clutched the letter in her hands as her tears were only becoming worse. It was so like Griffen to tell her to move on. But how could she? He was her husband and a father to Lucy. Who could just move on from that?

She loved the letter. It was all Griffen. Everything he was about, but there was a part that didn't seem right. Like he was trying to tell her something and JJ wondered if he had. So she reread the letter and realized she was right.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope everyone likes it!

Special thanks to Sohpia0665, Christiangirl, Westie80, jenny crum, CM Fan and red2013!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 8: Holding on**

Hotch stepped from the room to give JJ some space as she was about to read her husband's final words. Hotch hoped to be alone when he stepped back into the hallway, but JJ's partner, Sean and Emily were all sitting or standing. Hotch made eye contact with Emily and nodded to let her know he was alright. He actually wasn't but he didn't need his team to worry about him. From what Emily had told him, they had a long road ahead of them regarding the case. For now he could only think about getting JJ out of the hospital. He knew that someone might try to kill her again because of the failed attempt. He needed her to be safe. Not one more life could be lost.

Hotch turned around and made his way to Emily. He stopped in front of her, looking back to see if anyone could hear them. ''Have you heard anything from your Interpol contacts?'' he asked curiously.

''My former boss agreed to do a conference call.'' she said hesitantly. ''He told me he isn't at liberty to discuss the case with us, but he says he'll do it for a former employee.''

Hotch wasn't surprised. They were dealing with a high profile case and he wouldn't be shocked if the CIA was involved as well. ''Were you able to get any information?''

''The body count is forty-three, Hotch.'' she said painfully. ''He hasn't stopped killing and I was informed that Interpol isn't any closer to catching this man.''

''Thank you, Prentiss.'' Hotch said as his hopes were starting to fade away. He hoped to hear that Interpol had any idea of his whereabouts. Even Hotch knew that Interpol was better equipped to catch and international criminal. He slowly walked to the other end of the hallway, passing by Sean and Adam Carter. He heard Sean's voice calling out his name, but he didn't have the will to respond. So he just kept walking, running even, until he found a door to the outside world. He stopped and looked at the dark sky, threatening to erupt into thunder. His night couldn't be any worse. The thoughts that were racing through his head were sickening. Nearly losing JJ was unbelievable and he needed air to fill his lungs. Never in his life did he have a breakdown or a meltdown. He didn't know what it was. He just knew that his life was never going to be the same again. Something inside of him yelled and screamed. He never experienced such hesitance before. He didn't even realize what it was about.

All he could do was sit down and try to breath to keep himself from fainting. He took deep breaths as he heard footsteps nearing him. He didn't bother to look thinking it was going to be a detective or a team member. He didn't have strength to talk, let alone give any orders. His mind had gone completely blank. So he just stared at the grey cement under his feet as he felt a tap on his shoulder. Still ignoring it.

But the voice made him snap from his shock. It was familiar yet unfamiliar. He looked up, meeting the eyes of Tracy. Hotch rose from the ground and gave her a weak smile in response. She returned it with tears in her eyes.

''Hey, Tracy.'' Hotch greeted sadly. The brunette had tears in her eyes as she slowly approached Hotch in astonishment. He knew it was going to be a surprise for her to see him.

''Hi, Aaron!'' she responded. ''I'm glad that you're here.'' she cried out.

Hotch took another step forward and stopped right in front of her. He put his arms around and as she cried into his shoulder. ''I'm so sorry for you loss, Tracy. I know you and…'' he stopped as he was about to say the name. ''I know you were close.''

Tracy pulled away from him and realized the man was having a lot of trouble expressing his feelings. ''Are you okay?'' she asked, noticing the expression on his face. ''You look the opposite of it.''

''I've just seen JJ and it's bad, Tracy.'' he began. ''I know JJ and I've seen her handle death before and it didn't go so well. She's going to be grieving all alone because she doesn't want to bother anyone with her feelings.''

''We are all here for her, Aaron. So are you from what I am seeing.'' Tracy said. ''She'll get through this. She has no other option because Lucy is going to need her now more than ever.''

''Yeah, I hope so because the reality can be an entirely different one.'' he whispered sadly. He had seen grief and death before. His job revolved around it. Some people never let go of their pain while others learned to live with it. To give it a place so it wouldn't eat them alive. ''Where's Lucy?''

''She's staying with Benjamin Morris.'' she replied. ''I called him to explain what happened and he promised to bring her to the hospital in the morning.''

''You should go inside. I think Sean is waiting for you and it might be good if you see JJ.'' he suggested.

Tracy was about walk away from him when she realized he wasn't coming with her. ''Are you coming?''

''I'll be there in a few minutes.'' he replied. ''I just need some air right now.''

''Okay.'' she said before she turned around to leave him behind. She wasn't at all shocked to see that he was in a lot of pain, just like everyone else. Tracy had always known that a part of JJ loved the former ADA.

* * *

JJ was still all alone in the hospital room still holding the letter in her hand. Her hands were shaking from the shock. But most of all it was still disbelief and a certain numbness. The loss seemed surreal, but from memory she had seen him. She had seen him covered in blood as he was fighting for air. She had felt the warm blood surrounding her hands as she covered his wounds. It was her worst nightmare to lose another person she loved. After the death of her parents and sister, she knew another loss would be impossible to handle. But it was even worse than she ever imagined. It was Griffen. Her husband. The man who reminded her that love beyond pain and hurt did exist and that trust had to be earned. He was her entire world and now it had been ripped away from her. In one second her entire life was stolen, and she didn't even know why. She deserved to know why. He couldn't have died for no reason at all. But she knew no reason would ever justify murder or make her feel better.

But as an experienced detective, she knew people died constantly for no reason. Dozens of cases had crossed her desk and with each she case, she asked herself: Why? Why make anyone suffer? Why would you put a family through that?

She had never been able to answer those questions for herself. She was always able to put a distance between herself and the cases when it was necessary. But this time it was different. She wasn't going to stop until she had answers. Real answers.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it! And this is where the mystery begins to unfold. It's going to be a long and rough journey but I hope you all are as excited about it as I am.

Special thanks to Sophia0665, Christiangirl, Westie80, Snowbeardolphin, jenny crum, CM Fan, red2013 and K8e1!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 9: Unknown future**

The team had been assigned different tasks by Hotch to keep the investigation going. Garcia was still digging into the lives of Griffen and JJ while Hotch and Rossi were about to talk to JJ. Hotch asked Rossi because he needed an objective mind in the room with him, but also someone who knew the situation between him and JJ. Rossi was the only person who knew most of it. Hotch wasn't willing to explain his complicated history with JJ. It was a part of him that needed to stay hidden. Mainly because he didn't want the team to know who he used to be. Even though he changed, his love for JJ never altered. He still loved her as much as he did when they were younger. He dreamed of the day they would cross paths and have another chance. Although this wasn't what he wanted to happen, he wasn't going to mess it up.

Hotch and Rossi waited until Tracy stepped out of JJ's room. Hotch just hoped the blonde had enough time to mourn and grief. She needed rest to recover and having too many people around wouldn't help. So he wanted to keep their questions short but informative. They needed answers to move forward with the investigation. They only came up with a serial killer who had killed at least forty people and they weren't even sure it was him. JJ needed to give that confirmation.

Hotch gave Rossi a nod as they went inside the room. Hotch went in first and stepped next to JJ's bed. ''JJ, this SSA David Rossi. He's one of the profilers on my team.'' he explained.

Rossi slowly walked towards the bed to give the blonde a hand. ''Hi, JJ. It's nice to meet you.''

''Likewise.'' JJ whispered. She had some trouble with speaking. Her body was lacking energy and the emotions had made her restless. ''So, you're Aaron's boss?''

Hotch smiled widely. A lot of people were surprised when it turned out to be the opposite way. ''I'm his unit chief, JJ.''

''Oh wow.'' JJ said in complete shock. ''You did very well then.'' she said.

Hotch shrugged his shoulders as he looked at Rossi with a smirk on his face. ''I don't know if that's supposed to be a compliment.''

''Whatever you want it to be.'' JJ replied.

Hotch sat down in the chair, knowing JJ was hiding her pain underneath her jokes. It was probably her way of coping. ''We want to talk to you about what happened.'' he began. ''You can stop us when it's too much.''

Rossi had seen the change in JJ instantly. Her face saddened and her hands started trembling. ''You're going to be fine, JJ.'' he assured. ''Aaron and I are both here. Nothing will happen.''

''Okay,'' JJ agreed with fear in her voice.

''Close your eyes, JJ.'' Hotch said gently. ''Just try to relax and focus on my voice.''

JJ closed her eyes and grabbed Hotch's hand for comfort. She felt him squeeze her hand gently and a part of her calmed down, knowing he was there.

''Take me back to the moment before the shooting.'' he said softly. ''Where are you?''

JJ was back in the bedroom with Griffen. She felt restless and uncomfortable, like something was wrong. ''I am in bed with Griffen. He's asleep and I get up to turn on the light and I lean forward to grab my book…'' then she stopped.

''What happened to make you stop?'' Hotch asked.

''I heard the backdoor closing.'' she said in panic as she was about to open her eyes because she didn't want to relive the moment. She couldn't go through it again.

''JJ, it's okay.'' he whispered. ''What happened next?''

''Griffen wakes up and stops me from leaving the bed. I tell him I heard something and he decides to get up to check it out.'' she answered. ''I stay in bed and I suddenly hear voices.'' she said but stopped. ''And then two shots.''

JJ opened her eyes in tears, wanting to stop. Her breathing became shallow as the fear claimed her entire body. ''I can't. I can't.'' she cried out. ''Please don't make me do this.'' she pleaded.

Rossi hurried to her side as Hotch held her hand. ''You don't have to, Jennifer. It's okay. You did great.'' Rossi said sweetly. ''We're going to take this one step at a time.''

Hotch gave Rossi a thankful look. ''We'll stop here, JJ.''

Rossi walked towards the door, knowing the two could use some privacy. ''I'll give you two some space.'' he said before he left the room.

Hotch returned his attention to JJ. She started to calm down slowly as he just comforted her. He didn't know what else he could possibly do then to just be there for her. It was all he had in is power.

* * *

Emily waited for the screen to pop up. Once it did, she was immediately smiling when she saw the smug face of her former boss. He looked the same as always. She stepped to the side so Reid and Morgan could speak to him as well. ''Hello,'' Emily greeted. ''Clyde, this is SSA Derek Morgan and Dr. Spencer Reid.'' she introduced at the three man exchanged waves. ''They're here about the case we spoke about earlier.''

Clyde leaned backwards in chair as he had his hands on some files on The Nightwalker. ''Well dear, you actually didn't tell me anything about your case.'' he began. ''You just asked me about any recent murders at the hands of The Nightwalker.''

Emily sighed deeply as she made eye contact with her team before responding to his comment. ''I believe it's him, Easter.'' she said immediately. ''The MO is the exact same. There's just one tiny detail that's different about this one.''

''What is it?'' Clyde asked curiously.

Morgan stepped next Emily to join the conversation. The two obviously knew each other very well. Their body language was relaxed and familiar. ''One of the victims survived.'' he answered.

The expression of the Interpol Agent changed drastically, realizing it was either a new lead or Emily's case wasn't the same at all. ''He doesn't let anyone live unless it's on purpose.'' he began. ''All the victims we've seen so far were shot in the stomach and died within hours of the shootings or they died soon after.'' he went on. ''His intent has always been to cause pain and suffering but ultimately death.'' he said. ''Was the surviving victim shot in the stomach?''

''No,'' Morgan answered. ''She was shot in the chest and shoulder.''

''Were the inflicted wounds with the intent to kill her?'' Easter asked analytically.

Emily shook her head, not knowing anything about the gunshot wounds that JJ had suffered. But Reid knew enough about them. He had talked to JJ's doctors and to Sean of course to get information about her condition. ''No, they weren't.'' he said in a hurry. ''The wounds to her shoulder were through and throughs.'' he stated. ''And the gunshot to the chest caused the bullet to lodge about an inch away from her heart, so I don't think he intended to kill her.''

''I agree.'' Easter said simply. ''This unsub is a professional hitman. He doesn't let anyone live. There's a reason why one of the victims lived.'' he began. ''Who's the other victim?''

''The other victim is Griffen West, a renowned corporate lawyer.'' Emily replied. ''He deals with a lot of high profile cases.''

''Well, there you have your answer, darling.'' Easter said. ''Maybe he got involved in the wrong thing or he discovered something that was supposed to stay a secret and someone powerful hired a hitman.''

''So we're saying Griffen West was the only target?'' Morgan concluded.

''Yeah, we are.'' Emily said.

Reid noticed that Easter was holding folders in his hands so he decided to ask him about it. ''What can you tell us about The Nightwalker?''

''Not much.'' he started. ''He has had military training. He's able to life of the grid but still have contact with the outside world.'' he summed up. ''He kills at night and leaves behind a pair of leather gloves as a signature. That's all we really know. We haven't come close to catching him and we have no idea what he looks like.''

''Thanks, Clyde.'' Emily said. ''I'll keep you updated on this case. Let me know when you find something else.''

''I will, Emily. Good luck, darling!'' he said before going offline.

Emily turned to the team shyly, hoping they didn't feel weird about the conversation she just had with her former boss. For a short time is was also more than just that, but work got in the way and kept them apart for good. ''Well, let's give Hotch a call.'' she announced as she walked out of the small conference room to call her boss.

* * *

Hotch was still with JJ when he felt his phone vibrate. He wasn't going to answer because it seemed like JJ was finally calming down. He was still holding her hand as JJ stared at the other side of the room.

''What's on your mind?'' he asked.

JJ turned her head to look at him. In her other hand, she was still holding the letter from Griffen. ''The letter.'' she mumbled. ''It's like he gave me a warning.''

''What do you mean?''

JJ started to unfold the letter and searched for the words she was talking about. ''_I just wasn't meant to be your forever and I hope that one day you will accept that and move one from whatever happens next._'' she read out loud. She stopped and looked at Hotch, realizing he understood her hesitance.

''Move on from whatever happens next?'' he repeated. ''It seems like he knew something else is going to happen.'' Hotch said, realizing he didn't even notice that as he wrote it down for Griffen. ''Or else he would've said that he hoped you would move on.''

JJ could hear the shock in Hotch's voice. ''Aaron, what does this mean?'' she asked in tears.

''I don't know, JJ.'' he replied. ''But we're going to find out. And I'll be here. By your side. I won't leave you. Never!''


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to red2013, handsome-uks, Sophia0665, Christiangirl, CM Fan, jenny crum, Westie80 and K8e1!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 10: Honesty**

After the conversation with JJ, Hotch went back to the station. The team had informed one another, but no new information was found. They still had no motive for the shooting or an idea where the suspect was. The entire area was flooded with cops after the shooting. Officers and detective volunteered to canvas the entire area, but still nothing had been found. The tiniest nooks and crannies had been turned over but there was simply nothing.

JJ's captain reviewed the case and made it a number one priority. It had been over twelve hours since the shooting and every law enforcement official expected a new lead. Even Garcia hadn't found anything as she dug into the lives of JJ and Griffen. They seemed to lead the perfect lives. Yet somehow something had gone horribly wrong.

Hotch turned in his chair to look away from the board with the crime scene photos. There were also pictures of JJ and Griffen in their daily lives and he couldn't look at them without feeling ill. He felt guilty, but most of all he considered what JJ was going through. He couldn't even imagine the amount of pain the blonde was feeling. Even being apart from her was paining Hotch. So far their contact had been civil and with a mutual respect. It seemed like they both were on the same page.

Morgan stepped back into the room, filled with boards and pictures. He was frustrated. They had been up all night for a case that had no leads to go on. ''Hotch, what are we supposed to do?'' he asked impatiently.

Hotch jumped from his chair, hoping his team still wanted to keep on helping him with the case. ''Reid and Prentiss can give the locals the profile of the unsub.'' he began. ''Rossi, I want you to go back to the hospital and talk to Tracy Clark. She was Griffen's secretary. She might have some insight on his cases.'' he explained. ''Morgan, you and I are going to Parker & West to visit Lauren Parker.''

Reid, Prentiss and Rossi disappeared from the room within seconds as Hotch and Morgan were still standing across from each other. The tension in the room was growing and Hotch felt like he had to proof something to his agent. ''What's wrong?'' he asked for clarification. He didn't want any resentment as they worked to solve the case.

Morgan sighed deeply before he continued. He didn't want to give Hotch the wrong idea. ''What are we doing here, Hotch?'' he asked fairly. ''I get that this woman has been through a trauma but why are we here.''

Hotch stepped towards the board and took a picture of JJ with her family down. It was the picture he had seen in JJ's room while they were younger. ''Because of her!'' he replied. ''I understand your hesitation, Derek. I really do.'' he began. ''But the woman you know now is the girl I knew shortly after that picture was taken. She's been through hell and back and I'm not going to leave her alone in this. And I will take all the help I can get.''

Morgan took the picture from Hotch and looked at the happy family in it. He smiled, noticing the two young teenagers looked alike. ''You can't keep everything from us. We deserve to know why this is so important to you.''

''I know, Derek.'' Hotch agreed. ''But the girl in that photo knew a completely different side of me. I've made a lot of mistakes regarding JJ and leaving this case would be another, so I'm not leaving until the we get to the bottom of this mess.''

''I will be here.''

Hotch gave him an appreciative nod. ''Ask me anything you want to know?''

Morgan sat down with a smile on his face. He wanted to know why Hotch was so dedicated to a girl he hadn't seen in years. ''Do you love her?''

''I do. But that's because I never really stopped loving her.'' he replied. ''She's always been the what if in my life and I have never given up on that.''

''What about Evelyn?'' Morgan asked curiously.

Hotch immediately had a flash of the pretty brunette in front of his eyes. Sixteen months ago she broke up with him when he wasn't able to fully commit to the relationship. Their casual relationship turned into a serious one for nearly two years, but something had always been missing. It were the small things he had never found in anyone else, but JJ. JJ was the genuine and down to earth girl he needed throughout his life. But he never got to call her his for a long period of time and that fact still pained him. ''When I was with her, I knew I was in love. Well, that's what I told myself.'' he said but stopped for a moment. ''But when I look back, I realize I never missed her when we were apart. I guess we weren't a real couple and she had every right to break up with me.''

''That's painful.'' Morgan stated simply. ''Thanks for sharing. It means a lot to me that you trust me with all of this.''

''Of course,'' Hotch said, rising from the chair. ''We should go to the firm.''

''Yeah.'' Morgan said as he followed Hotch out of the room as he gave Hotch the picture of JJ and her family back.

Hotch took it and put it in his inside pocket to remind of what his mission was. And to keep himself from making another mistake when it involved JJ or her personal life.

* * *

Reid and Prentiss stood in front of the big crowd of detectives and officers with their notebooks ready. It was a very familiar setting for the team but none of them had ever seen this many law enforcement officers together to hear a profile from the FBI. It was shocking and intimidating at the same time. But as Prentiss looked to her right, she noticed that Reid was doing fine. He was looking around the room and was about to start his rambling, like he always did.

Reid stood straight up before he spoke. ''The unsub is a freelance hitman hired to kill people across the world.'' he began. ''Interpol has dealt with this man before and they named him The Nightwalker. He kills at night and leaves behind a pair of black leather gloves at each scene.''

''The victim count is forty-four, including Griffen West.'' Emily stated. ''We believe the unsub intentionally let Jennifer West live because he didn't shoot her in the stomach like every other victims. This means that the intended target was Griffen and he was only hired to kill him.''

''The unsub is a cold, confident, organized and methodical killer with a military background. When he has an order he carries it out and he won't care about anyone else getting hurt.'' Reid said simply. ''The people who hired this unsub had a reason to keep Jennifer alive. If his boss or bosses didn't have a reason to let her live than he would've killed her.''

''It could be someone from Griffen's past or someone related to his job.'' Emily went on. ''Police must be on the lookout for a physically fit male, his age ranging from thirties to forties.''

''He appears nonthreatening, he blends in easily, he's armed and very dangerous.'' Reid said to end their profile. ''This unsub will kill again when another person is put on his list.''

''Thank you!''


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Here's my next chapter. I hope you all like it.

Special thanks to red2013, Christiangirl, Westie80, Sophia0665, jenny crum, K8e1, CM Fan and Snowbeardolphin!

And a huge amount of thanks to CriminalCrazy!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 11: Revisiting history**

The weather was rainy and the sky was filled with clouds as Hotch and Morgan approached the law firm. Hotch could see that Morgan was intimated by his surroundings as they walked inside. People were walking around in expensive suits. It wasn't a place that ever seemed to fit JJ's lifestyle, yet she married the man who was the best in his profession. Griffen managed to get what every corporate lawyer ever dreamed off. That was to get their own name on a major firm, which is what Griffen did. He had gotten everything he wanted, along with a happy family life. But something in his life had gone wrong. The team knew the attack had nothing to do with JJ's life but everything with Griffen. Hotch thought it was related to a case. It seemed like the only option.

Hotch stepped out of the elevator and just walked where he was supposed to go. It was as if he had been there yesterday. Everything was the same. He still recognized the people and the atmosphere. It was too familiar to his liking. But as familiar as it was, something was also very different. People seemed off. Some were crying and others were sitting behind their desks, working. The air was filled with grief and sadness. It was to be expected, but the emotions around him caused a chill to go down his spine. He kept walking through the hallway, hoping to find a better feeling somewhere else.

Morgan followed Hotch as he passed by the reception. He realized he had been there before, which didn't seem odd at all. Morgan knew Hotch used to be an ADA. He just didn't know if he ever crossed paths with Griffen. ''You know the way.'' he commented.

Hotch stopped in front of the office of Lauren Parker. Usually, the woman would be with her head in paperwork, but that wasn't the case. Lauren had her back turned towards the door as she was looking out the window. Hotch softly knocked on the door, hoping he wasn't scaring her. ''Hi,'' Hotch croaked out when the black-haired woman turned around with tears in her eyes. ''I am so sorry!''

Lauren was barely hearing Hotch as she tried to gather herself for her visitors, but it wasn't really helping her. Instead, it made things worse. ''How did this happen?''

''That's exactly what we're going to find out.'' Hotch started. ''Lauren, this is SSA Derek Morgan. He's one of the FBI agents on the team.''

Lauren rose from the chair and extended her hand for Morgan. She gave him a friendly nod. She gave Hotch a quick pat on the shoulder before she sat back down. ''How is JJ holding up?'' Lauren asked with concern. She heard about the situation early in the morning when Tracy informed her over the phone. It was a moment of horror and the voice of Tracy on the other side let her know enough the moment she picked up. It was bad. Griffen had passed away. A dear friend and colleague had died. The news had been shocking to everyone at Parker & West.

''She's holding it together. For now.'' he replied. ''She still has to see Lucy, so I think it will really hit her when she has to explain what happened.''

''I haven't seen JJ in months and I wish that had been different.'' Lauren began. ''But I just didn't have much time with work and home. I guess we kind of lost contact when she left.''

''When did JJ leave?'' Morgan interjected.

''JJ left about four years ago.'' she replied. ''She was about to be promoted to senior partner.''

Hotch was taken aback by that news. It was very unlikely for such a young senior associate to become junior partner in a short time. ''Senior partner?'' Hotch wondered out loud. ''How did that happen?''

Lauren rose from her chair and walked towards the other side of her office where she had several pictures. She took one of her, JJ and Griffen. It was taken on the night of their engagement party. ''When Griffen was in the process of hiring an associate, he wanted to find the next him. And he did. In most ways, but as good as JJ and Griffen both are, they're also very different.'' Lauren explained. ''Griffen lacked in his emotions. He had them.'' she assured. ''But he only showed them when he felt like it. He was the kind of lawyer who would do anything for his clients, but he never got personally involved. JJ was a different story.'' she went on. ''JJ's morals and values made her the best I had seen in years and sometimes I thought she could be better than Griffen, but her sense of righteousness cost her.''

''Yeah, I know.'' Hotch agreed. ''JJ's not the type of woman to hurt anyone. Even for a win.''

Lauren handed the picture to Hotch to let him take a look at it. ''They might've been different when it came to their jobs, but in their relationship they were equal.'' Lauren said. ''I had never seen Griffen so happy. JJ lifted him up and their marriage was an example to us all.''

''Well, we know Griffen's death has nothing to do with their personal lives.'' Morgan began. ''We think it's connect to his work.''

''Are you sure?'' Lauren asked in astonishment.

''We are.'' Hotch replied simply. ''Are you aware of any high profile cases he was working on?''

Lauren shook her head. She couldn't believe it had something to do with one of his cases. She knew about all of them and it seemed nearly impossible. ''I can't think of any client who would've wanted to harm Griffen.''

''What about Isaac Cohen?'' Hotch wondered.

''No, it can't be.'' Lauren spoke. ''He moved to Europe about three years ago. I remember that Griffen told me that he got a job out there after the suspension of his license.''

''We'll check it out, but this murder is too gruesome to have been ordered by Cohen. But I just needed to know for sure.'' Hotch explained calmly. ''Do you mind if we check Griffen's office and his case files?''

''Go ahead.'' Lauren said. ''And tell me when you need something.''

''We will, Ma'am.'' Morgan said politely. Hotch had already stepped out of the office to go Griffen's office.

He hoped to have a moment to himself as he walked through the hallway. It wasn't easy to be confronted with so many past demons. And being at that office didn't help. It reminded him of loss. But not that loss had become even worse, especially for JJ. It was a place where Griffen would always be remembered as a legend.

Hotch stopped in front of the corner office. It was the same one he had seven years ago. But his furniture had been moved around and his office was filled with pictures of friends and family. But mostly of JJ and Lucy. Hotch felt his heart break as he looked at one picture of JJ and Griffen. Griffen was standing behind her and had his arms around her waist. They looked truly happy and Hotch wished JJ hadn't lost him.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Sophia0665, jenny crum, Westie80, K8e1, red2013 and CM Fan!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 12: Breaking the news**

Hotch was still staring around the office when he heard footsteps behind him. Thinking it was Morgan he turned and put a mask on his face to hide his pain. But it wasn't Morgan. It was Wesley Evans. In his days as a prosecutor Hotch knew the man very well. Just like Griffen he had a reputation. It was just a different kind of reputation. People called him the lawyer with heart, just like JJ. Hotch appreciated the man, even though he didn't know him personally.

Wesley stepped forward to approach Hotch. He stopped right in front of him. ''Hey,'' he said, extending his hand. ''I am Wesley Evans.''

''I know.'' Hotch said as he shook his hand. ''I'm Aaron Hotchner.''

Wesley showed a faint smile through his sadness. ''You were Griffen's biggest enemy.'' he said in a laugh. ''Everyone is in complete shock.''

''That's understandable.'' Hotch began. ''No one gets shot and killed in their own home without reason.''

''Do you know what happened?''

Hotch sighed deeply, knowing that question was going to be asked a lot more. ''I'm not at liberty to say anything about the investigation. But we're looking into Griffen's cases.'' Hotch explained. ''Was he having any trouble with anyone? His clients? Someone here?''

Wesley shook his head in response. ''I…I… don't know. I don't think so.'' he answered with doubt. ''I mean, he wasn't the easiest man to get to know and he certainly had his enemies. But no one would actually kill him because they didn't like him.''

''Okay,'' Hotch said in a whispered. ''Thanks for the info.''

''You're welcome. Tell JJ I am thinking of her. Everyone is.''

''I will.'' Hotch promised.

Morgan was about to step inside the office when Evans walked out. He quickly said a hello before joining Hotch inside. ''Another friend of Griffen?''

Hotch nodded as he walked to the desk. He opened the drawers and took out the files. ''We'll only take his case files and laptop for Garcia to check it out.'' Hotch explained. ''I want JJ to decide what to do with the rest. It's her decision.''

Morgan took the laptop and waited for Hotch to gather all the paperwork. He noticed that his boss had been on edge since they got to New-York and he didn't like it. Morgan wondered if he could actually stay objective during all of it. He knew from experience it was the most difficult to stay objective during a personal case. It could be literal hell. He just wished Hotch would really talk to someone to let it all out every once in a while.

* * *

It was around noon when Benjamin walked through the hallways of the hospital with a beaming little girl in his arms. He had been at a crossroads the entire day, wondering what to say to Lucy. It had been one of the hardest days of his life. He had a family of his own and he didn't even want to think about losing his wife or his son. It seemed impossible to deal with. But the worst was that JJ had to tell the little girl that her father was gone. That he could no longer put her to bed or sing her a song or read a bedtime story. That was all over.

He walked straight to the room where JJ was. He saw several people sitting in chairs outside of the room. He recognized Tracy and Sean and gave them a quick nod before he opened the door. But he stopped before he went in. He leaned down and put Lucy on the ground. He kneeled down in front of her. ''Lucy,'' he said gently. ''You're mommy is hurt so you have to be careful when you hug her.''

''I will!'' Lucy exclaimed. ''Is dad with mom?'' she asked.

Benjamin felt the ground underneath him disappear. ''Let's go see your mom, alright?''

He took her little hand and opened the door to see JJ with her eyes closed. But as soon as the door fell close behind them, her eyes opened.

JJ looked at her daughter and she immediately felt the tears return to her eyes. A part of JJ ached to tell her daughter the entire truth, but not knowing everything would be the best for her. And once JJ set that in motion there was no going back from it. JJ knew from personal experience that losing a parent changed the course of your life. But Lucy was even younger. She only had a father for four short years. He should've been in her life for at least thirty more years to come, but that was taken from her. Stolen for no good reason.

JJ opened her mouth to speak, but the words seemed to disappear before she could express them. She breathed in deeply and returned her daughters gaze.

Lucy ran towards her mom and climbed on the bed and flew into JJ's arms. ''Mom!'' she cried out.

JJ felt the pain in her body, but she didn't care. She closed her arms around Lucy and held onto her for dear life. JJ had been fortunate enough that her daughter wasn't home. ''I've missed you, sweetie.'' she said kissing the top of her head.

Benjamin saw the tears in JJ's eyes as he stepped next to the bed. He leaned down put a kiss on her cheek. ''I'm here, JJ.'' he whispered as he pulled away.

JJ looked at her friend and sighed deeply. ''I know, Ben. Thank you for everything. For keeping her safe!''

''It wasn't a problem. I would do it again.'' he said. ''I'll give you two a moment.''

JJ returned her focus to the little girl when Benjamin left the room. She leaned back down as Lucy was laying against her chest. JJ felt a moment of peace and hoped Lucy was going to understand what was happening.

''Are you hurt?'' Lucy asked suddenly as she stared into the same big blue eyes she had. ''Mommy?''

JJ sat up as the little girl sat down next to her on the bed to give JJ some space. ''I'm okay, sweetie.'' JJ said, wiping away the tears. ''How are you?''

''Amazing!'' she exclaimed. ''I played with Ricky all night and this morning.''

JJ smiled at the image of Lucy and Ben's son playing together. The two kids always got along great. ''Amazing, huh?'' JJ repeated as a soft smile appeared on her face.

''Why are you crying?'' Lucy asked with a sad face. ''I don't want you to cry, mom.''

JJ pulled Lucy into another hug. ''There's something I need to tell you.'' JJ began in tears as she put her daughter on her lap. ''It's about your dad.''

JJ felt her heart sink when she looked into those big blue eyes, full of wonder and love. Her daughter had been the greatest thing in her life and she didn't want to put her through the pain of a loss. But it couldn't be any other way. JJ just didn't have a choice. ''Your dad died last night, sweetie.'' JJ whispered softly and Lucy looked at her with confusion. ''He went to heaven last night.''

''Why did he go to heaven? I don't want him to go there.'' Lucy said, practically crying. ''Daddy didn't say goodbye to me. I don't want him in heaven!''

''I know, Lucy.'' JJ started. ''He had no choice. He got hurt and he was in too much pain so he had to go.'' JJ added, hoping she was going it the right way.

''But dead people aren't here. They disappear.'' Lucy cried out. ''Daddy isn't coming back?''

''I'm afraid not.'' JJ said as her own tears fell. JJ felt the weight of her daughter against her body as she cried into her shoulder. JJ held her for a while, feeling her body shaking as she cried. It was awful and horrifying. She didn't want do this, but it was all she could've done.

After a while JJ gently put Lucy down next to her. ''Lucy, I want you to look at me when I tell you this, okay?'' JJ said and the little girl shook her head. ''Your dad loved you very much and he always will. He will always be with you.''

''I love him too, mom.'' she cried out.

''I know.'' JJ whispered. ''I love you too!''

JJ noticed that she seemed to understand some of what was happening. So she lay back down and pulled the blanket over herself and Lucy as she crawled against her. JJ closed her eyes, replaying moments of Griffen and Lucy together. She was going to never forget and she would always reminder Lucy of what a great father Griffen was and that his love was unconditional.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Here's another one. I hope everyone likes it!

Special thanks to Westie80, Sophia0665, Christiangirl, jenny crum, K8e1 and red2013!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 13: Suspicions**

Later that afternoon, Rossi decided to take Tracy aside to ask some questions about Griffen's cases. Rossi was informed by Hotch that she would have the best knowledge of the cases he had been working on. Not only was she a close colleague, she had known Griffen for years and she shared a close friendship with him. So it could be valuable to the investigation to talk to Tracy about her boss.

Rossi opened the door to a private room where they could talk. He followed Tracy inside and closed the door behind him. ''Have a seat.'' he insisted kindly. He sat down across from her and leaned back in his seat, hoping the woman was comfortable enough to talk to him. ''How are you feeling?''

She returned his gaze in tears. ''I am trying to keep it together.'' she replied, stumbling through her words. ''He was my friend, but more than that, he was my best friend. Griffen has always been the person to cheer me on. I knew him for years and now it's just over. I'm still in complete shock and disbelief.''

''Those feelings are normal. You're grieving and it won't disappear any time soon.'' he began sadly. ''I'm sorry for what I am about to do, but I have to ask you some questions about Griffen's cases.''

''I want to help in any way I can.'' Tracy assured quickly. ''What do you want to know?''

Rossi prepared himself for the questions he was about to ask. They could be hurtful to the people who loved the victim, but as always it was a necessary evil. ''Was Griffen involved in any illegal activities? Did he have any enemies? Was he working on a sensitive case?'' he summed up.

Tracy sat back, trying to keep her emotions in check. The questions were ludicrous. Griffen wasn't a criminal. He was an honorable man, who did anything to protect his loved ones. ''No!'' she answered simply. ''Absolutely not.''

''Was he behaving differently before he died?'' Rossi asked.

Tracy rose from the chair in anger. ''I'm not going to do this.'' she exclaimed. ''I won't sit here as you drag his name through the mud.'' she went on. ''Griffen West was my colleague, my friend and my family. He didn't deserve to die. And JJ and Lucy didn't deserve to lose him.''

''Tracy, I…'' Rossi tried to say but she cut him off.

''In the past few months, Griffen didn't work on any suspicious cases. He was a corporate lawyer so he barely dealt with criminal cases. I don't believe it had anything to do with his work.'' she explained as she took a key from keychain. She handed it to Rossi without hesitation. ''This is the key to the file room. You can check all the cases he ever worked on.''

''Thank you.'' Rossi said as he watched Tracy disappear from the room. In his gut he knew he case was going to be a lot harder than he initially thought it would be. Something or someone bigger was at play. It wasn't a normal murder case. It was just too mysterious.

Tracy nearly stormed out of the room and found Sean waiting outside. She flew into his arms as the tears streamed down her face.

Sean tightened his arms around his wife, trying to give her some amount of comfort. ''Are you okay?'' he asked.

''No, I am not.'' she cried out. ''This is all happening so fast.''

''I know.'' he whispered. ''I am not going anywhere, babe.'' he whispered into her hair as he held her. Sean hoped that the shooter would be caught soon. He imagined it would bring everyone some peace. But in his mind, he knew it was highly unlikely. Everyone just suffered a great loss.

* * *

Back at the station the team was still brainstorming. Everyone had looked at each piece of evidence. The unsub didn't know Griffen or JJ. At least that's what it looked like. No DNA or fingerprints were found and the profile had led to absolutely nothing. They were out of leads. Everyone in the lives of Griffen and JJ checked out. They had questioned colleagues, family and friends. People were able to provide alibis while others just couldn't be suspects. The case was hitting a dead end and it hadn't even been twenty-four hours since the shooting.

Hotch was frustrated with the outcome of the investigation. His team didn't close an eye in forty-eight hours and now they were just stuck. Reid had looked through the files that turned up in Griffen's office and nothing was out of the ordinary. They were just simple cases with no connection to illegal activities or even suspicion of them. Everything had become a mystery.

Hotch's eyes snapped up at the door when Adam Carter walked in with a dead look on his face. Hotch immediately jumped from his chair and made his way towards the detective. ''What is it?''

Adam pointed towards the office of the captain. ''I can't do this.'' he said, his voice hoarse and low.

Hotch's eyes landed on the couple sitting on the couch in the office. He immediately recognized them. ''Tom and Sara.'' he breathed out. ''I forgot about them. Where have they been?''

''They were on holiday in Europe for their anniversary.'' Adam replied. ''Could you talk to them?''

Hotch nodded and walked past the detective. As he walked to the office, he was trying to figure out what to tell them, but nothing would ever be good enough. Their niece had been hurt and her husband had just died. No explanation in the world could ever make that easier. So he opened the door carefully and met the eyes of the distraught couple. Hotch took a seat on the chair across from them, leaning forward with his hands clutched together.

Tom was shocked to see the one and only Aaron Hotchner sitting in front of him. He hadn't talked to the man in nearly fourteen years, after breaking JJ's heart. He never felt like seeing the man again. JJ was broken up after he left her. ''What are you doing here?'' he asked with concern. ''Who called you?''

Sara decided to interrupt. ''I don't think JJ wants you here.''

Hotch put his badge on the table to make it very clear what his intentions were. ''I'm FBI.'' he began. ''My team is here to investigate the crime that was committed.''

''What crime?'' Tom asked.

''JJ and Griffen were found shot in their home.'' Hotch explained gently. ''Griffen died while JJ was in surgery.''

''Oh my god,'' Sara cried out as she crawled against Tom's side. ''What about JJ?''

''Her surgery was touch and go for a while but she stabilized.'' Hotch replied. ''She's going to be fine. Sean told me she could we walking out of the hospital in a week or so, depending on her recovery.''

Tom had a hand in front of his mouth as he listened to Hotch describing the situation. ''Do you have any idea who did this?''

''We're still investigating.'' he began. ''We think it's related to Griffen's work.''

Tom leaned back in despair. His head was spinning in fear. This couldn't be happening. Not to JJ. Her life was back on track and now another tragedy struck. ''I am willing to help in any way I can.''

''Thank you.'' Hotch said. ''Right now I think JJ is going to need both of you by her side. She needs someone to be with her.''

Hotch was about to continue when the door flew open, showing Garcia with a panicked looked on her face.

''Sir, I need you.'' she said immediately.

Hotch rose from the chair and turned to Sara and Tom. ''I'll keep you updated.'' he promised.

''Thank you.''

Hotch left the room silently and followed Garcia back the conference room where the team was seated at the table. Hotch took an empty seat as Garcia opened her laptop screen and put in a spot so everyone had a clear view.

''I was digging through all of his documents, internet history and emails and there was nothing out of the ordinary.'' she started. ''But then I looked at his calendar and a pattern has been consistent over the past eight months.''

''What did you find, Garcia?'' Hotch asked impatiently.

''Eight months ago appointments with someone called AP started.'' she started. ''The initials are in his calendar every two weeks, so I decided to check his work credit card and it showed that those meetings were held at hotels, motels or restaurants all over the city.'' she went on. ''I also found one appointment about two months ago with the same AP and financials showed that he was in DC that specific day.''

Hotch looked around the table, knowing his team was thinking the same thing as he was. He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't.

Morgan turned to Hotch. ''Was Griffen West having an affair?''


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to K8e1, Sophia0665, Westie80, red2013, Christiangirl, handsome-uks, jenny crum, CM Fan and Snowbeardolphin!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 14: Pain**

Hotch returned to the hospital within half an hour. He needed to speak to JJ to get confirmation of the team's suspicions. If Griffen had an affair the entire course of the case could change. Hotch didn't want to believe it but he knew from experience that they had to rule out all avenues in order to find the unsub. He just wasn't comfortable with this new lead, but he would rather talk to JJ about it than some stranger. He was just going to talk to her carefully to get some more information about Griffen's state of mind in the months before he died.

Hotch stepped inside the room only to find JJ with her eyes closed and Sara and Tom glued to her side. Lucy wasn't present and Hotch realized she probably went home with one of JJ's friends. JJ needed the rest and the little girl couldn't stay in the hospital all day.

Hotch quietly walked to the bed and motioned to take a chair to sit down when Tom offered his chair. Hotch gave him a thankful nod before he sat down. ''I really have to talk to JJ.'' he announced. ''Can we have a moment, please?''

''Of course.'' Tom replied as he stepped away from the bed. He took Sara's hand and let them out of the room.

JJ sighed deeply as she turned her head to the side, looking at Hotch. Something in his eyes was different. He looked sadder than before and she wondered why he felt that way. For JJ it seemed unnecessary for him to be sad about Griffen's death. ''Do you know anything?'' she croaked out. ''About the shooter, I mean.''

Hotch shook his head in response. ''We have a few theories.'' he started off. ''JJ, I'm going to ask you a question and I need an honest answer. It'll make you angry but the more we know the better we can solve this case.''

JJ barely had any strength left to disagree. Her body was empty as she lay in the hospital. She had been replaying the shooting over and over again. She could feel the blood on her hands, the trembling of her husband's body as she tried to stop the blood loss and the bullet tearing through her chest. But what scared her the most were the eyes of the unsub. They were black. Cold and horrifying. Each time she closed her eyes she saw those eyes flashing before her and she woke up in tears. It was already her worst nightmare and now it was reality. She didn't know how to live with it. It seemed completely impossible. ''Ask away.'' she whispered in defeat. ''It's not like anything will ever justify his death.''

The sound of JJ's voice send a shiver down his spine. She sounded defeated, like she had given up, as if she was ready to die herself. He hated it. He couldn't stand by as she was losing herself. He wouldn't let it happen. ''JJ, please don't give up!'' he begged, nearly confessing his true feelings. He would if it was right, but it would be absurd. She just lost her husband. She had been through a major trauma and he didn't want her to bear that kind of responsibility. ''Talk to me.''

JJ put her hand in front of her eyes as the tears came rushing back to the surface. ''I don't know what everyone wants me to say. What do you want to hear?''

''I want to know how you feel!''

''I feel empty, Aaron. Like my whole world was ripped away from me.'' she cried out. ''I am angry. I am afraid. I am exhausted. But most of all I'm scared that the person who did this will be never caught. I'm scared that he'll come back for me or my daughter. I'm scared as hell to lose another person I love.''

He rose from the chair and sat down on the edge of the bed. He took JJ's hand and squeezed it gently, letting her know he was there. ''You have every right to feel all those things, JJ. The man you loved died. It's your right as a human being to feel whatever you want.''

''I can't sleep, Aaron.'' she explained. ''Every time I close my eyes, I see him. I see Griffen laying on the floor. I'm back in that house every time I close my eyes.''

''I can stay here while you try to get some sleep.'' Hotch suggested. ''I won't leave. I will protect you, JJ. I promise.''

''Didn't you want to ask me some questions?'' she interjected.

Hotch shook his head. ''I think it's more important that you get some sleep.''

''No,'' she began. ''Ask me!'' she said, knowing he needed important information. It was written all over his face and JJ needed to know what was going on. She couldn't close an eye without knowing.

''Okay,'' Hotch agreed instantly. ''Was Griffen behaving differently the past few months? Was he secretive?''

JJ was shocked by the question. What was Hotch thinking about? She really wanted to know. ''He didn't talk about work as much and he was distant a few times, but that didn't last long.'' JJ answered simply. ''What are you insinuating?''

Hotch sighed deeply before he answered that question. ''We suspect he might've been having an affair, JJ.''

''No! No!'' she whispered angrily. ''No! Aaron, no!''

''JJ, calm down.'' Hotch tried to say but she cut him off.

''He would never do that to me!'' she said. ''He wasn't like that, Aaron. We loved each other.''

''JJ, were you aware that Griffen flew down to DC?'' he wondered.

JJ suddenly flashed back to a night two months earlier. It was a night that made her fear for her marriage, but she had decided to keep faith in her husband.

* * *

_**Two months earlier…**_

_JJ was lounging on the couch, her legs spread as she was sipping from a glass of wine. After a busy day she loved to lounge on the couch and have moment of rest. She preferred to do it with her husband but he was busy in their bedroom for unknown reasons to JJ. She sighed deeply as she thought back on her day. It was a normal day, but it had been wonderful as always. She loved the domestic life and she never thought she would be as happy as she was. Everything turned out amazing._

_JJ was pulled from her daydream when she heard Griffen coming down the stairs. She immediately jumped from the couch, hoping he would join her to relax for the rest of the evening. Lucy was already asleep so they had absolutely nothing left to do. _

_Griffen was putting on his coat when JJ walked into the hallway with a shocked expression. ''I have to fly down to DC to meet a client.'' he tried to explain but JJ held up her hand._

''_Since when?'' she wondered. ''I thought you had the night off. Come on, stay home!'' she begged._

_Griffen closed his coat and picked up his small suitcase and made his way to the door as JJ followed him. ''This is important, JJ.'' he said, feeling his heart break at the knowledge of knowing what he was about to do without his wife knowing. When she would hear the truth, he wondered what it would do to her. He knew it would devastate her completely. It would break her trust in him._

_JJ felt disappointed. Griffen had been pulling a lot of late nights for the past six months and she just wanted a decent night alone with her husband. ''It always is.'' she said angrily. ''I get that you have to work. But we both know that Lauren will give this client to someone else so you can have the night off.''_

''_I don't have time for this, JJ.'' Griffen said, opening the door. ''I have to go.''_

''_I love you too!'' JJ whispered angrily as he walked out the door and closed it behind him. She walked back into the living room and dropped down on the couch with a feeling of dread. Where was he going?_

* * *

''Yeah, I knew.'' she replied.

''Do you know why?'' Hotch asked immediately.

''He told me he went to meet a client.'' she answered. ''That's all he told me.''

JJ noticed he was about to continue his questions when she decided to stop him. She didn't want to hear more of his insane theories. She didn't believe Griffen cheated. He would never do it. She believed in him, even now. ''I want to be alone!''


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to red2013, Sophia0665, jenny crum, K8e1, Snowbeardolphin, Westie80 and Christiangirl!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 15: Confrontation**

JJ tried to relax as she was being wheeled through the hospital. It was early in the morning and her body was in a terrible pain. But she begged Sean to bring her to him. To see Griffen. She needed to see it for herself. But she also wanted a moment to say goodbye. Even though she wasn't supposed to get out of her bed, Sean was convinced by JJ. Maybe because he was empathizing with her or just because he always had a soft spot for JJ. He would do anything to help her move forward. And this seemed like a minor detail. After surgery JJ was no longer in danger for her life. The bullets hadn't hit any internal organs so she had been extremely lucky. Soreness and an aching pain were to be expected for the next couple of weeks, months even. She did have invasive surgery, but she survived.

JJ felt the goose bumps on her skin as Sean pushed her forward through the hallways of the morgue. She had been in the morgue too many times to count. But this time it was different. It was personal. It was her family. She still didn't want to think about it. A part of her was in denial while another part started mourning the loss. She just didn't know how she was supposed to do that. How could she ever move on? How was she supposed to live without him? It seemed impossible. It was impossible. Griffen was the love of her life. He was the man who gave her the belief in love back but more than that, he made her trust again. He was a blessing in disguise. She was lucky enough to share a short but incredibly beautiful life with him.

Sean stopped the wheelchair in front of a table, with a covered body on it. He knew the ME had already signed off on his attack being murder. The autopsy had been performed and the investigation had officially started. He knew JJ dealt with dead bodies all the time, he just wondered if she could handle it this time. He tried to talk her out of it but JJ was too stubborn as always. It was something no one could change about her.

''Are you sure about this?'' Sean asked carefully. ''You don't have to be brave, JJ. This isn't a job. Just remember that.''

''How could I forget, Sean?'' JJ said in a whispered, barely audible. Her voice was trembling when she noticed Sean pulling the cover down to Griffen's chest. The tears immediately sprung into her eyes when she looked at him.

She stared into his hazel eyes, the emptiness sending a shiver through her shaking body. Once upon a time those eyes could tell her each and every secret of the world. They reflected her dreams and happiness when she looked into them. And now they were cold. Empty. Simply dead.

The tears were falling down her face as she tried to keep herself from falling apart completely. She gently stroked his face, but the coldness made her pull away. This wasn't the person she loved. It was only the body. And as she stared back into those eyes once more, she was reminded of a moment when his eyes were filled with longing and happiness, but most of all love and excitement.

* * *

_**Six years earlier…**_

_JJ walked into the bedroom, letting her hair fall down her shoulders. She walked towards the bed and sat down. She quickly kicked her heels off and grabbed her jewelry box from the nightstand. She already had her necklace in her hand to put it away. But when she opened the box, she noticed a beautiful diamond ring. The shock hit her so hard, she sat back down on the bed and watched as Griffen walked into the room with a smirk on his handsome face. JJ rose from the bed and put the box on the nightstand. She flew into his arms and kissed him deeply. _

_He pulled away to take the ring from the nightstand. He went down on one knee because he wanted it to be real. He already had to settle for something simple because he knew JJ didn't like big surprises that cost lots of money, even though he didn't mind to spend it on her. ''JJ,'' he began, seeing the tears fall down her face. ''Since the first time I saw you, I knew you were different from anyone I had ever met. Your sparkling smile and resistant personality made me chase you out onto the street.'' he went on. ''And I haven't regretted it ever since.'' he said sweetly. ''You're everything I need for the rest of my life because one look at you and my world snaps right back into place. You're my perfect match. You keep me in line and you seem to accept my horrible sense of humor. I can't imagine my life with anyone else, except you. You're it. My one true love. My soul mate and my very best friend. So, I don't want to go many more days without being your husband.''_

_JJ held onto his hand for dear life, sinking to her knees in front of him. She was desperately wiping away the tears on her face, but was stopped when Griffen took her hand. ''I love you.'' JJ whispered._

''_Jennifer Jareau, will you marry me?'' he asked as a wide smile appeared on his face. _

_JJ kissed him quickly before answering the question. ''Yes!'' she whispered against his lips. ''Always.''_

_Griffen jumped up in excitement and pulled JJ into his arms. He spinned them both around the room until they landed on the bed, JJ under his body. He leaned down and claimed her lips, getting lost in the kiss and forgetting to even put the ring on her finger. _

_JJ pulled away when she felt something hard under her body. She pulled the box with ring from underneath her. ''Guess we forget that.'' she teased._

_Griffen took the ring and gently put it on her finger. ''I'll blame my extremely hot fiancé for that mistake.'' he whispered as he went back to kissing her. ''Fiancé sounds good.''_

''_I know!'' JJ agreed in between kisses. Her heart was racing a mile minute from the extreme happiness she felt. She realized she was truly complete with the man she was going to marry. He made her complete in every way. And she only saw a bright future ahead of them._

* * *

JJ snapped back to reality when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Her hospital gown was damp from all her tears and she felt the embarrassment surrounding her. She clutched her hands together, feeling her wedding ring and engagement ring pressing into her smooth skin. She wondered if she could ever take them off.

''JJ?'' Sean asked, his voice low and gentle. ''Do you need a moment?''

JJ stared into the eyes in front of her, being reminded of where she was. ''I don't want to be alone, Sean.'' she cried out. ''How do I move forward?''

Sean had no answer for the blonde. He had never been through a major loss before. He didn't know what it was truly like to lose someone. ''You keep going and you never forget what he meant to you. You continue your life, but still remember Griffen.''

''I don't want to wake up one day and realize that I forgot who he was. Or what he meant to me.''

''JJ, I know you.'' Sean began. ''Believe me, that'll never happen to you. You will always remember. That's who you are.''

''Thanks, Sean.'' JJ whispered. She was turned around by Sean and they left the room. And as they went back to the elevator, JJ realized this was just the start of her grieving. She still had a funeral to go to. She had to take care of her daughter alone. She was just at the start of it all and she hoped she could get through it.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Sophia0665, jenny crum, K8e1, Christiangirl, Westie80, red2013 and CM Fan!

I don't own criminal minds or the poem!

* * *

**Chapter 16: Saying goodbye**

By the weekend, it was time for everyone to say goodbye to the man who had influenced their lives. The man who had been a father, a husband, a friend, a colleague or merely just an acquaintance. Everyone was there. The cemetery was filled with people dressed in black. All the people were there. To say goodbye to another life. A life filled with love and loss. A life that was cut short. It was the life of Griffen West. A man who had been an example for dozens of people. And even though he died, he would always be a legend. His name would always be remembered by those who loved him, but also by the people in the field of law. He would always be known.

JJ's hands were shaking as she tried to keep herself together. She had to stay strong for the little girl on her lap. JJ had her arms wrapped around Lucy as she crawled against her small frame. She felt her daughter's body trembling in her arms and that feeling made her lose control of her emotions.

JJ realized it was time for her to speak when she felt a hand squeeze her shoulder. She looked up into the eyes of Tracy, seeing as much grief in them as she felt. JJ wasn't the only one grieving. A lot of people were. JJ leaned forward and whispered in Lucy's ear. ''I have to get up, sweetie.''

Lucy crawled from her mother's lap and stepped next to the wheelchair. She watched as her mother got up with difficulty. So she stepped forward and took JJ's hand. ''You can do it, mommy.''

She put her feet on the ground and pushed herself up from the chair as she held Lucy's hand. She felt her body's weakness as she stepped towards the casket. Once she stood there, she kneeled down and Lucy stepped in front of JJ, her back leaned against the blonde's chest. JJ took the piece of paper that Tracy handed to her and she unfolded it, so both Lucy and herself could read it. ''I came upon a poem that seemed appropriate for today.'' JJ began, her voice soft and trembling. ''Griffen once told me, he loved the meaning of it, so I would like to read it for him.''

JJ sighed deeply before she began, preparing for more tears to fall. It had already been a long day and a lot more was to come. '_'Do not stand at my grave and weep,_'' JJ said softly.

She was about to start the next sentence when she heard her daughter continue. Her heart melted as the little girl said the words out loud. She pulled Lucy closer.

''_I am not there. I do not sleep._'' Lucy mumbled, feeling her mother hug her tightly.

''_I am a thousand winds that blow,_'' they went on in unison. '_'__I am the diamond glints on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you awaken in the morning's hush, I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft stars that shine at night. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there. I did not die._''

After finishing the poem, JJ felt the ground move underneath her. It was like suddenly, everything was fading away. She saw black spots on her eyes and she could barely hold herself steady. So she didn't move. ''Tracy, can you take Lucy?''

Tracy hurried towards the little girl and took her hand. She walked back towards Sean and leaned against his side as Lucy stood next to her. She threw a concerned glance to JJ as the blonde rose from the ground.

JJ carefully stood straight up, her hands folded together in front of her. Her eyes were glued to the casket as coughed before continuing. ''Griffen touched all of our lives in different ways.'' she began sadly, the tears rolling down her cheek. ''No matter what happens, where I go or how long I'll live, he will always be with me. I will wake up each day and remember the life he gave me. The life I never wanted to lose.'' she went on. ''Griffen was a man of money and power, but underneath it all was a heart of gold. He wanted to right the wrongs in this world and he never failed to do so.''

JJ stopped when she started to choke up. She took a moment before she continued. ''Today we're all saying goodbye to someone we loved and I know no one will ever forget him.'' she said. ''I love you, Griffen. I will love you till the end of time. I was blessed to have found you.'' she ended in tears. JJ retreated back to the wheelchair but kept standing so she could be next to her daughter again. She felt Lucy by her side and she immediately put an arms around her. And as JJ stood at the cemetery, surrounded by friends and family she knew she wasn't alone. But somehow something was missing. A part that or rather someone was missing. He was the person who made the past four days bearable. She didn't know why she felt that way but it was the truth.

* * *

About fifteen minutes later JJ was standing all alone, still trying to say goodbye. But she didn't know how. She didn't know how to let go of such an important part of her life. She didn't want to walk away, because once she did it meant it was truly over. Griffen's life would be forever lost and JJ would have to keep living without him. As she thought about what he would say, she realized she had to go. Griffen would've never wanted her to weep, just like the poem said. _Do not stand at my grave and weep._

It was as if those words were spoken by someone else. It was suddenly very clear. So she walked forward and put the rose on the casket. She let her hand fall down on the wood. ''I will try, Griffen.'' she whispered. ''I'll do it for you.'' she promised.

As soon as she looked up, her ocean blue eyes landed on a tall figure in a black suit. As he stepped forward, JJ couldn't help but feel a little happier. She started to walk towards him, meeting him hallway.

Hotch stopped in front of the blonde, noticing the walking was draining her energy. ''Hi,'' he croaked out.

JJ's gaze melted into his brown eyes and she suddenly felt a moment of peace wash over her, like the universe was trying to tell her something. ''Aaron…'' she breathed out. ''I didn't think you'd come.''

''I didn't think it would be appropriate, but I wanted to be here for you.'' he explained sweetly. Hotch suddenly noticed that the tears on her face became increasingly worse. ''Oh, JJ!'' he sighed out as he cupped her face.

JJ put her hand on his as he softly caressed her cheek. She held his hand, looking for the comfort. But it was more an assurance that she could feel. ''Thanks for being here.''

''I'm not going anywhere. I promise you.''

His words made her heart lighter in a way. Knowing he would be by her side was a reassurance of trust and love all over again. But deep down she wondered if something wasn't wrong with her. She just buried her husband and Hotch was already back in her life. Although his presence wasn't romantically, JJ knew that the possibility would be big that she would cross that line again. She always had when she was near him. Something always pulled her back in.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope everyone likes it!

Special thanks to jenny crum, Sophia0665, Westie80, red2013, Christiangirl, K8e1, BAUMember and CM Fan!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 17: Hunted**

_**One week later…**_

Hotch pulled the SUV up in front of the house. He sighed deeply as he stepped from the car. The cold winter air made him shiver. He turned around to see Emily and Adam Carter stepping from the SUV as well. They had decided to check the house once more before JJ was ready to return. Hotch wanted to be sure that they got everything. The smallest details could lead to the unsub and he was in desperate need of a new lead. Strauss had been putting pressure on him to return to Quantico in order to work on different cases. Even Hotch knew he couldn't keep his team in New-York much longer. They were needed elsewhere, to stop serial killers. Deep down he knew a part of him was selfish to keep his team on the case, but he wanted to help JJ. He wanted to give her answer. But most of all, he wanted to find out the mystery behind the case. The team wasn't able to find anything in Griffen's files after they assumed it was work related. But Garcia came up with a great plan to find the mistress. Griffen had another appointment scheduled in two days. So Hotch was already planning on storming the motel where the meet was scheduled. They were going to find out who Griffen was seeing and he hoped it would lead to the unsub.

Hotch turned the key in the lock and walked inside the home. It was a first for him and he wasn't at all surprised by the interior. It was warm and welcoming. A home of a happy family. Yet something terrible had happened in that room. He turned around to face Emily and Adam. ''Prentiss, check out the kitchen and living room.'' he ordered. ''I'll do the bedrooms and bathrooms.'' he said as he turned around. He wasn't going to give the detective any orders. He promised not to boss anyone around so he wasn't about to do it.

He walked the flight of stairs quickly and found the master bedroom within seconds. Just like the rest of the house, the bedroom was cozy and romantic. It was filled with pictures of their family. One picture in particular caught Hotch's eye. It was JJ in a wedding dress kissing Griffen. She looked absolutely stunning and for a moment Hotch wondered what it would've been like if he married JJ. If he never broke up with her that would've certainly happened. They probably would be happy, both with careers and maybe a baby on the way. Their lives would've been perfect. Just perfectly normal. But unfortunately that wasn't the case. His mistake had cost him years with JJ and even now he didn't know if there was a chance of them ever getting back together. At least fifteen years had passed. That was over a decade of feelings and baggage.

As Hotch kept walking through the room he suddenly heard a floorboard creak. He stopped, took a step back and another one forward. He heard another creak. So he kneeled down and lifted the rug from the floor and noticed the floorboard had been removed before. He pulled it from the floor in shock, seeing an envelope laying underneath it. He pulled it out and rose from the ground. It wasn't a normal thing to find something hidden underneath the floor and his suspicious of foul play were confirmed. Something bad had happened in Griffen's life. They just had to figure out what and that was no easy task.

He opened the envelope, only to find a key in it. It was a small key with a triple digits. It read 476. Hotch had no idea what it meant but wherever it would lead, he had a feeling it was going to be big. He quickly bent down to put the floorboard back when he heard footsteps behind him.

Emily stepped inside the bedroom to find Hotch kneeled on the floor. ''What did you find?'' she asked curiously.

Hotch put the floorboard back and pulled the rug over it before he stood up to answer Emily's question. He held up the key in front of her. ''I found this underneath the floor.''

''Do you have any idea what it's for?'' she asked.

''No, I don't.'' he replied honestly. He stepped closer to Emily, hoping she was about to go with what he would ask of her. ''Prentiss, I want to keep this between us.'' he began. ''I know it's against protocol but everything about this case screams mystery to me.''

Emily nodded in response. She knew what he meant. Even in her time with Interpol, she hadn't seen anything like this. Neither Griffen nor JJ had any enemies. Work related or personal. It was all a mystery and it started to look more like someone close to them may have been involved. There was no other option. ''I understand, sir.'' she said. ''But keep me updated, please.''

''Of course.'' Hotch agreed as he put the key in his inside pocket. ''I am going back to the hospital to ask JJ about this. Maybe she knows what it opens.'' he explained. ''Tell Adam I'm going back when he asks. Search the rest of the house and come back to the station when you're done.''

''Yeah,'' Emily whispered as she walked into the bathroom.

Hotch walked out of the bedroom in a hurry and quickly made his way out of the house and stepped into his SUV, going back to JJ. He had barely seen her since the funeral. He went to the hospital two days after to give her some flowers and to give her an update on the case. He had spent the rest of his days at the station or in his hotel room, brainstorming the case.

* * *

JJ was in a daze as Sean was speaking to her about her condition. Her mind was somewhere on the other end of the world. She didn't care about herself. She no longer cared about anything. She had passed the denial and anger stage and she slipped right into a case of severe detachment. Not just from the people around her, but also from herself. She was still able to talk and feel, but somewhere deep down she had no will to care anymore. Something within her was torn into pieces and she feared it would never be healed. She still had a daughter. And she loved Lucy with all her heart, but she was afraid that wouldn't be enough for the little girl. She deserved the two devoted parents she used to have. Now JJ could only give her half of that, maybe less. She was at a crossroads.

''So you'll be walking out of here when the MRI shows no signs of damage or internal bleedings.'' Sean ended happily. When he stopped he finally realized JJ hadn't listened to a word he spoke in the past five minutes. ''JJ, did you hear me?''

JJ turned her head to look into his eyes. ''Yeah, sure.'' she answered. ''You need an MRI to check me out. Again!'' she said angrily. ''And I'll be out of here tomorrow. Don't worry. I heard you!''

Sean decided to ignore her anger and go back to the point. ''A nurse will come in here to prep you and bring you to the MRI.'' he explained quickly. ''I'll check on some patients and will meet you back here afterwards.''

''Okay,'' she said. It was all she could say. She turned on her side while Sean left the room. She felt the best when she was alone. She didn't have to pretend to be smiling or feeling happy. She hated to put a mask on, but if she didn't everybody would be asking questions and she wanted to avoid that more than anything.

A few minutes later a nurse walked into the room and started to unhook JJ from all the machines as she just lay in the bed. Later she asked to climb from the bed and take a seat in the wheelchair. She did what she was asked, saying absolutely nothing in return. And as she was wheeled through the halls of the hospital, she felt all eyes on her. As if she was a broken toy. She felt awful and she felt like crawling back into the corner. So she closed her eyes until she felt the nurse stop. A door closed and she knew she was no longer on display for people.

The nurse stepped in front of JJ with a sweet smile on her face. ''Dr. Mason will be with you any second now. He will do the MRI, sweetie.'' the nurse said.

''Sure, I will wait. I have nowhere to go.'' she joked, not meaning it as funny. She sighed deeply as the nurse left her alone. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts race for a while.

JJ snapped back to the reality when she heard the door open, but she still had her eyes closed. She heard heavy footsteps closing in on her. She finally opened her eyes to see very familiar black boots in front of her on the floor. Her heart instantly quickened and she felt the life drained from her body. Her eyes flew up to the meet the ones of the man standing in front of her. She recognized them immediately. It were the cold black eyes she had gazed into before.

Before JJ could make any move to escape, she felt his hands wrap around her neck, choking her with force. He lifted her up and pushed her back into the wall with all of his strength. JJ tried to yell, to breathe, to fight, but she had no strength. Her body was limp as she struggled against the grip of the man in front of her.

She started to feel her body go weaker when she suddenly had an idea. She put her nails, deep into his arm and started to scratch him. She wasn't about to go down without a fight. She would do anything to drag him down with her. And that was exactly what she pulled off. The blood was coming from his arm before her eyes closed.

* * *

Only a few feet away, Hotch walked towards the nurse who brought JJ in for the MRI. Hotch had been looking for JJ since she wasn't in her room. So he stepped in front of her. ''Where's Jennifer Jareau?'' he asked impatiently.

''She's in there.''

Hotch was about to walk when the nurse stepped in front of him, blocking his path and making him angrier. ''Step away, please!'' he said politely.

''You can't go in there, sir!''

Hotch held up his badge and she immediately stepped back. ''FBI! This is urgent.''

He walked into the room, seeing no one at first. But when he looked to his right he saw someone hovering over JJ. Her blonde hair was spread on the floor and her eyes were closed. At first Hotch thought it was a doctor because he wore scrubs, but when the man turned to him, he noticed the black leather gloves. He pulled his gun as the man ran past him like a ghost, pushing Hotch on the floor with force. He was so quick in his response that Hotch never had enough time to take him down. He rose from the ground and hurried to JJ's side and noticed she was taking shallow breaths.

He kneeled down next to her and pulled her up against his chest, noticing the marks on her neck. She was lucky to be alive. He was probably just in time. He felt JJ fighting for air and coughing in panic.

''JJ, it's me!'' he whispered into her hair. ''You're safe.'' he went on. ''Take a deep breath, sweetheart.''

JJ was barely registering what just happened as she was fighting for the air to fill her lungs. The adrenaline was pumping through her veins. After a few breaths she felt her body calming down from the shock. She looked at her fingernails as she leaned back against Hotch's chest, trying to feel safe. ''I got him!'' she said as she held out her hands.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to red2013, Christiangirl, Sophia0665, tannerose5, jenny crum, K8e1, CM Fan, Westie80 and Snowbeardolphin!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 18: Safety first**

Hotch took one of JJ's hand and took a closer look. He noticed the blood under her fingernails and realized she got the DNA of her attacker. He let go of her hand and put his arms around her waist, trying to keep her calm. He felt her breathing speeding up again when the door to the room opened and someone stepped inside frantically. Hotch looked up to see security standing a few feet away from him and JJ. ''Put the hospital on lockdown!'' he ordered and the security guard grabbed his radio and left the room.

As Hotch gave orders to the guard, JJ felt her body go weak as she tried to fight for consciousness. Her eyes fluttered before they finally closed and she felt her body go limp.

Hotch rose from the ground with JJ in arms and he noticed she wasn't conscious. ''JJ! JJ! Wake up!'' he said as he carried her out of the room. ''JJ, stay with me!'' he yelled as he stopped in the middle of the hallway, surrounded by doctors. He saw that Sean was running towards him. ''She was just attacked Sean and she fainted.''

Sean stepped next to Hotch and tried to find a pulse and to check her breathing. But there was nothing. ''She went into cardiac arrest!'' Sean yelled. ''Get me a bed now! We need to start CPR.''

Doctors rushed towards them with a bed and Hotch put her down quickly. The bed was immediately taken away, with Sean performing CPR. Hotch felt his knees go weak at the sight of a lifeless JJ. He couldn't believe this was happening again. She was about to be discharged and now her life was put in danger again. Someone was still after JJ and that meant her daughter was at risk as well. Luckily, Lucy was with Tracy and she had a security detail. So he knew they were safe. But somehow the unsub had been able to sneak in the hospital and attack JJ again. It almost looked like another threat. He could've killed JJ by stabbing her or shooting her but he choose to strangle her. He once again wondered if his intentions were to kill JJ or to give a warning to someone.

* * *

After minutes of thinking Hotch decided to find JJ, hoping she was alive. If she wasn't, his world would fall apart at the seams. He couldn't lose her. She didn't deserve to die. She just buried her own husband. This wasn't supposed to happen. But as Hotch ran through the hospital he realized that this case got bigger with each lead the uncovered. Weird things kept happening and they simply had no answers.

Hotch stopped when he saw Sean in tears, leaning against a door. Hotch stopped in front of him. ''How is she?'' he asked with desperation. ''Sean, is she alive?''

Sean looked up to meet his brother's eyes. ''Yeah,'' he breathed out. ''She responded to CPR.''

''What the hell happened?'' Hotch asked. ''I thought she was about to be discharged. How the hell did she go into cardiac arrest?''

Sean stepped away from the door and stopped in front of his brother. ''The stress caused her heart to stop, Aaron.'' he explained calmly, noticing his brother was angry. ''She's going to be fine. We just have to keep her for observation for another two days. I don't want to take any risks.''

Hotch looked through the window into JJ's room. Her eyes were closed and it looked the life was drained from her body. Her face was pale. ''Her heart stopped, Sean! How is that fine?'' Hotch asked. ''And why the hell did you leave her alone?'' he asked angrily.

''She was with a nurse at the time, Aaron. I had to check on my patients.''

''I told you not to leave her alone with a stranger. I explained the threat of this case to you and you just didn't listen! She could've died because you were too stubborn!''

Hotch was about to walk away when Sean blocked his path. Hotch stepped aside and tried again but Sean still blocked him.

''You don't get to come back after seven years and dictate what happened.'' Sean started off. ''We were fine without you. JJ was fine without you. And just because you're in love with her, it doesn't mean you get to make choices for her.''

Hotch took a step back with anger on his face. ''Let me make this very clear, Sean.'' he began. ''JJ is coming with me and there's nothing you'll be able to do about it. The FBI needs her alive. We all do.'' he said. He turned around when Sean had nothing more to say. He walked to JJ's room and silently entered the room because she was still asleep.

JJ had her eyes shut when she heard someone enter the room. She wasn't actually asleep, she was just trying to rest. She had no idea how she had ended up from Hotch's arms on the bed. She opened her eyes when it was quite, only to find Hotch standing next to her bed. His eyes were filled with concern and anger. She hoped it wasn't all for her. She didn't need people to take care of her. She just wanted to do it all alone. ''What…what happened?'' she croaked out.

Hotch felt his phone ring at the same as JJ started talking. He took it from his pocket. ''You went into cardiac arrest due to stress.'' he replied as he looked at the phone, seeing the caller ID was Emily. He turned to JJ quickly. ''JJ, I need to take this.'' he explained.

''Yeah, I understand.'' she whispered.

Hotch stepped away from the bed and turned around to face away from JJ. ''Hotchner.''

''_Sir, we just received a call from the hospital telling us they're on lockdown.'' _Emily said as she stepped into the car's passenger seat. Adam just received the call from the hospital and they decided to leave the house to check it out. _''Are you there?''_

''Yes, I'm here. JJ was attacked but I'm with her right now. She's alright, Prentiss.'' he said simply. ''I want you to call in the local FBI and ask for back-up and a swat team. The unsub might still be in the hospital. I'm going to stay with JJ until you and Adam are here. I want you to wait outside so we can get JJ to safety. We'll put her up in a safe house.''

''_Yes, sir.''_

''I'll see you soon.'' Hotch said thankfully. It wasn't safe for him to let JJ stay in the hospital any longer. Anyone could get to her there so he was taking her somewhere safe, with only a few people knowing the location.

''A safe house?'' JJ asked with fear in her voice. ''I need to go home to my daughter, Aaron. I can't just disappear.''

Hotch went back to JJ and sat down on the edge of the bed. ''You're not safe at home, JJ.'' Hotch explained. ''We'll make sure that you will see Lucy.''

''When do we have to go?''

''As soon as I get the call from Prentiss.'' he replied. ''Right now I want to take the blood from underneath your fingernails, if that's okay with you.''

JJ nodded instantly. She lay back down as Hotch retrieved the blood. She hoped it would give them the shooter. She wouldn't feel safe until he was actually caught. And she just wanted to go home to her daughter and be with her. She didn't want to be stuck in the hospital or a safe house.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Sophia0665, red2013, jenny crum, K8e1, tannerose5, Christiangirl and Westie80!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 19: AP**

Hotch stared out the window of the SUV, the anticipation growing in the pit of his stomach. He hoped this would work out. It was all they had for now. The DNA underneath JJ's fingernails was rushed and the techs could come back with a result any second, but for now he needed to focus on the task at hand. He prayed they would finally figure out what or who AP was. It had become a vital part of Griffen's life and Hotch wanted to know what had been going on in the past months of his life, beside his home life.

Hotch snapped back to reality when a vehicle pulled up in the parking lot. An attractive brunette stepped from the car and checked her surroundings before she made her way up the stairs and into the room that Hotch and his team had under surveillance. His suspicion of an affair started to creep back into his conscious and he tried to shrug it off, but it seemed nearly impossible. He turned on his intercom. ''I'm going in. Stay in the vehicles.'' he ordered.

Hotch opened the door of the car and carefully stepped out. He silently closed the door and made his way to the motel, his gun drawn. He set foot for foot as he kept closing in. He was at the bottom of the stairs and looked behind him, clearing the area. No one was there, which made everything a lot easier. He continued his path and stopped in front of the door. He knocked once and the door was opened by the brunette. ''FBI!'' Hotch yelled. ''Put your hands in the air.''

The woman did as she was told as Hotch put the handcuffs on her without reading her any rights. ''What the hell is going on?'' she asked with fear in her voice. This wasn't the plan. Something was horribly wrong. Did someone discover what she was doing? Was she in danger?

Hotch patted the woman down for any weapons but she was clean. He pulled her ID from her jacket and looked at her driver's license. ''Ava Peterson!'' he exclaimed happily. ''I guess that's what AP meant.''

''What the hell are you talking about?'' Ava asked angrily as she tried to fight Hotch's strong hold. ''Do you have Griffen West?'' she asked in a panic, knowing this could be the end of both of them.

Hotch let her go and turned her around in surprise. ''Why would the FBI have Griffen West?'' he repeated curiously. He got no answer out of the woman. ''What did he do?'' Hotch asked.

''I don't know anything.'' she said simply, trying to hide her fear.

''Griffen West died about eleven days ago, Ava.'' Hotch said angrily as he pulled her outside with him. He noticed that his team immediately jumped from both the SUV's. ''You're a suspect in his murder and the attempted murder of his wife!'' Hotch explained. ''I'm bringing you in for questioning.''

''I am not going to tell you a single thing.'' she said.

Hotch handed her over to Morgan. ''Morgan take her to the station and start to question her.'' he ordered. ''Rossi, Reid go with him.'' Hotch added. ''I'm going to check on Emily and JJ at the safe house.''

Hotch stopped in his tracks and watched as the team left the parking lot. He had seen JJ less than an hour ago and he wanted to check on her again. For now, only Emily and himself were aware of where JJ was living for the coming days. It was for her own safety and he hoped JJ was going to accept his protection but he seriously doubted that fact.

* * *

It took Hotch half an hour to reach the apartment on the other side of town. He quickly climbed the stairs and opened the door to the spacious apartment. He hadn't been there before and it look pretty good for an FBI safe house. Normally they were dusty and unfurnished, but this one was the opposite. Maybe it was because he had been pretty clear about what he wanted for the blonde. He might have gone a little overboard.

He stopped when he spotted Emily on the couch with a book in her hands. ''Where is she?''

Emily looked up from her book and pointed to the bedroom. ''She wanted some space.'' she explained. Emily put the book down and walked over to Hotch and stopped him from continuing his path. ''She's a wreck, Hotch. I don't how she's going to get through this. It looks like she has given up completely.''

''I'll talk to her.''

Hotch walked past Emily and opened the door to the bedroom without an invitation from JJ. He immediately noticed JJ curled up on the bed in her sweats. She looked like the tiniest person he had ever seen. And it that position she was more vulnerable than he had ever seen her. It shocked him and his heart broke into pieces when he finally made eye contact with her. The JJ he knew was gone. ''How are you feeling?''

''Awesome!'' JJ replied sarcastically. ''Everything is amazing. I'm in my own home with my daughter and my husband is about to get home any second!'' she cried out.

Hotch made his way to the bed with slow steps. He sat down next to JJ, leaving enough space between them. He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, but he also didn't want her to feel alone in the world. He was there for her. ''I'm sorry for asking, JJ. That was stupid of me.'' Hotch apologized. ''I just don't know what to say to you.''

JJ stared at the blanket, ignoring Hotch's gaze at all cost. ''Then don't say anything.'' she whispered. ''Go back home and forget that you ever saw me!''

Hotch put his hand under JJ's chin and lifted it up so she would look him in the eyes. ''I'm not leaving you again, JJ. I will never leave you again!'' he promised, his voice tender. ''I'm not going to disappoint you.''

The tears fell down her face as she heard his words. He was able to touch her heart in a way no one had been able to, besides Griffen. It was like he was the only one who could really get through to her. ''Thank you.''

Hotch was blown away when he suddenly felt JJ leaning in. He didn't know what she was doing, but from the tension between them, he quickly realized it. He put his hand in her soft hair and pulled her closer until his lips brushed against hers in a gentle kiss. It was as if his entire world was complete again. Everything was right. But as their lips moved together so perfectly, he realized his intentions weren't right at all. At least not at that time. It was too soon. Not just for JJ but for him as well. He couldn't do it. So he pulled away and sighed deeply to keep his body calmed down. ''It's too soon, JJ. This isn't right.''

JJ didn't say a word as Hotch pulled they key he had found earlier from his pocket. He held it in front of JJ, who had a questionable look on her face. ''Have you ever seen this key?''

JJ shook her head in response. ''What does it open?'' JJ asked in tears.

That was exactly what Hotch wanted to know and he would find out eventually. He wouldn't stop until he had answers. Nothing could ever stop him from investigating the tragedy JJ had been put through.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to red2013, jenny crum, Christiangirl, Westie80, Sophia0665, K8e1 and Snowbeardolphin!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 20: Distractions**

After visiting JJ, Hotch had to go back to the station to try and keep Ava Peterson in custody, but there was nothing he could do. She had an alibi for the night of Griffen's murder and they were sure the unsub was a man. So Ava Peterson wasn't a likely suspect, but it still seemed like she had a connection to Griffen. The team just wasn't able to question her about it because she immediately lawyered up. So that was another disappointment for Hotch. He wished he could be doing more, but he was already doing anything in his power to find the man who ripped apart JJ's life. But it kept becoming worse with every turn the police made. It was exhausting and Hotch wished for a night of good sleep, but he knew he couldn't do that. He had a mission and he wasn't going to stop.

''Is there anything you found out about her?'' Hotch asked as he leaned against the wall outside of the interrogation room.

''She's a journalist. She was published several articles in different magazines.'' Garcia. ''But that's all I could find.''

Hotch sighed in disappointment. ''Are the DNA results back yet?'' he asked.

''No, but I will let you know the second they do.'' Garcia replied.

Hotch gave her a nod. ''Thanks, Garcia.'' he said before he turned to Morgan, Rossi and Reid. ''Morgan and Rossi, I want you to follow Ava Peterson. Maybe she will lead you somewhere.'' he began. ''Reid, I want you to go through all the files that Interpol sent over.'' he said. He walked away before anyone could object to his orders. He walked down the hall and into the small bullpen where all the desks were. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Tom Murphy speaking to an officer. JJ's uncle looked like hell. He had every right to look like that. Hotch decided to interrupt when it looked like the conversation was getting out of hand.

''Tom?'' Hotch called out and the man immediately responded. ''How can I help you?''

''You can tell me where the hell you shipped my niece off to!'' he yelled. ''I want to know where JJ is.''

Hotch took a step back to put some distance between them. ''JJ is fine, Tom.'' Hotch assured. ''She's with one of the members of my team. She's safe now.''

''How do you know?'' Tom asked angrily, feeling desperate and scared. ''Anything could happen to her!''

Hotch didn't understand his panic or excessive yelling. JJ was safe with his team. They were the FBI. So Tom should know nothing would happen to his niece. ''JJ is safe with the FBI, Tom.'' he explained calmly. ''I will not let anything happen to JJ. I promise you.''

''I don't believe you!'' he said.

Hotch was at a complete loss for words when the older detective disappeared from the station without another words. He looked like he hadn't slept in years and something definitely felt off about his behavior. He was too desperate and angry for the situation.

Hotch was about to walk out of the station when he heard Garcia calling out his name from the other side. He immediately turned around and made his way towards her. The look on her face was positive and he was sure it meant that they had a match of the DNA. Finally, something turned out good. They had a new lead. ''Did they find a match?'' he asked as he stepped into the conference room.

Garcia sat down behind her laptop and waited for Hotch to join her. ''They just sent it over.'' she began as she opened the personnel file. ''The DNA matched with someone named Anthony Hall. He's thirty-six years old and was dishonorably discharged seven years ago.''

''He fits the profile exactly.'' Hotch said happily. ''His discharge must have been the stressor. The killings started six years ago.'' he added. ''Did he have any jobs after his discharge?''

''No, not one.'' Garcia replied. ''And how can a man without a job live in a mansion like this?'' Garcia asked, showing a picture of the address where Hall lived.

''Probably because he has been killing people for the money and for the fun of it.'' Hotch said simply. ''Where does he live, Garcia?''

''He lives in Miami.''

Hotch immediately picked up his phone to call the FBI in Miami, but the possibility of the man being home was small because JJ had been attacked recently. So he was either on his way home or he was staying in New-York. ''I am going to call the FBI in Miami to keep an eye on his house.'' Hotch explained. ''You did great work, Garcia.''

''Thank you, sir!'' she said happily. She was happy that she had been able to help her boss along. She noticed that the case had been affecting Hotch a lot in the past week and she hated to see her usually stoic boss on edge. It wasn't like him, because he had always been the opposite. The team didn't know him any other way than that.

* * *

Tom rushed to his car after his conversation with Hotch. He climbed inside and threw the door shut, slamming his fists onto the steering wheel. This wasn't supposed to happen. Nothing should've turned out the way it did and he knew he was to blame for everything. He had played a big role in everything that happened in the blonde's life. He only wanted her to be happy but somehow her happiness was taken away all the time and couldn't stand to see her hurt much longer. She deserved a life without concern and heartache.

Tom picked up his phone, dialing the number. The adrenaline was pumping through his veins. He was scared and angry at the same time. He heard the beeps on the other end but no one was picking up the phone. So he decided to leave a voicemail.

''_Murray, call me back!'' _he began angrily. _''This wasn't our deal and you know it! I am sick of your games and I'm not going to protect you any longer. Meet me in two hours! You know where!''_

After he was done, he threw the phone on the backseat and started the car. He drove away quickly with the anger all over his face. He had to stop all the madness.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Snowbeardolphin, jenny crum, Christiangirl, K8e1, Westie80, Sophia0665, CM Fan, red2013, BAUMember!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 21: Old grudges**

About two hours later, Tom drove into the underground parking garage and stopped his car nervously. What was he thinking? Was he really doing this? He knew deep down that he could be making the biggest mistake of his entire life. But what happened was never supposed to happen. He was furious. But most of all with himself. He put JJ in the situation. He was at fault and he couldn't go back to fix the mistakes that had been made. He prayed he could, but time had passed. And so had Griffen. There was no going back for any of them.

And when he heard multiple footsteps behind him, that feeling was confirmed. He couldn't go back. He was there to stay and to talk. He had to do anything to protect JJ. To keep her safe and to give her a piece of her life back. He hoped he could do it.

So he turned around, faced with the people who used to send shivers down his spine and apparently still did. He felt the life drain from his body as they approached him. He was sick at the sight of the three familiar faces. He felt like vomiting or even running away. In that moment he was closer to death than he ever had been.

''You wanted to talk, Murphy?'' one of the man began. ''Well, let's talk then!''

Tom suddenly noticed a younger man, around thirty-five years old, stepping from another car. He was wearing black clothes and looked like the hired body guard, but a moment Tom spent with JJ made him realize who he was. JJ had described the eyes and the expression on his face. Emotionless and cold. Not a trace of good or remorse. ''You!'' Tom said angrily as he leaped forward and tried to punch the man, but he moved away. So Tom fell down on the ground, face down, holding himself up on his elbows. He rose from the ground, only to be pushed back down. Kicks and punches to his body followed as he lay on the floor.

One of the men watched the scene unfold in front of him, not caring about Tom, but he knew this would only make the detective more vengeful than ever before. ''Stop! Please!'' he ordered and Anthony Hall stepped away immediately.

Tom stood up with difficulty, hissing out in pain. But he wasn't going to show his weak side. These people weren't supposed to see any fear. If they did you'd be dead within seconds. ''Why did you this?'' Tom asked angrily. ''Why did you kill him? Why was my niece shot?''

The oldest stepped forward, only inches away from Tom and sighed deeply before answering. ''We made a deal, Murphy!'' he began but Tom interrupted him.

''That was years ago, Murray!'' Tom shot back. ''What the hell is wrong with you people? How many more people have to die so you can go on living the way you do?''

Murray was still standing in front of Tom, not intimated by him at all. Tom could never hurt him anyway. It was the other way around. He was the one with the leverage. ''We made a deal and you didn't hold up your end of the bargain, so it had consequences in the past. And it had consequences in the past. This is on you!''

''One day, someone will figure out what you've been doing all these years and you will all go down!'' Tom warned and he was about to walk away when Murray started talking.

''If anyone uncovers the truth, Jennifer Jareau will die!'' he warned. ''And it won't be pretty. We've given you two warnings before, so I expected that it's enough.''

''Don't flatter yourself.'' Tom said. He turned his attention to the other two, trying to ignore the man who had actually killed Griffen West, the father and husband of Lucy and JJ. ''What about you, Austen? And you, Tucker?'' he demanded. ''Still enjoying being part of The Elite?'' he asked angrily, showing his disgust.

He got no answer, so he turned around to go back to his car and to leave a place what felt like hell. But no matter where he went these people would always haunt him. The fear of being the cause of another death would rip apart his life. Too much had happened already and too many people had died because of his mistake years ago. It wasn't fair, but telling the truth would only cause more damage. He knew JJ would never be able to forgive him when she found out and he wouldn't blame her. So he was keeping it all a secret. He only had to find a way to let the investigation go cold. He had to interject himself in the investigation in order to discover what the FBI and NYPD knew.

* * *

JJ walked out the bedroom, hoping no one would be in the apartment. She wanted some time alone, to reflect on her feelings. But as soon as she stepped out, she noticed Emily sitting on the couch, staring ahead of her. JJ hadn't spoken to the agent much, but she looked like a nice person. She hadn't been demanding or angry at all. She was one fine agent.

Emily looked up to see JJ standing in the doorway. So she sat straight up. ''Is there anything I can help you with?''

JJ walked into the living room and dropped down on the couch. ''Not really.'' she answered. ''I hoped I would be alone for a while.'' she admitted flatly.

Emily laughed. ''There's no chance in hell that will ever happen.'' she joked, seeing a small smile appear on JJ's face.

''Let me guess…'' JJ started. ''Aaron insisted that someone should be with me at all times. He really has changed.''

''First of all, it's so weird to hear his real name. We all call him Hotch.'' she explained. ''And second of all, I only know him one way.''

''How is that?'' JJ asked curiously, realizing she felt a sense of relieve for the first time since Griffen had died. She forgot her pain for a moment and that felt absolutely wonderful.

''I know Hotch as the serious, stoic, dedicated man.'' Emily replied. ''He doesn't show much emotion. And he's selfless. He would put any of us ahead of him.''

JJ coughed as she heard Emily summing up what Hotch was like. That wasn't how she had known him, but still loved him for who he used to be. That was the man she fell in love with after all. ''Well, that's not how I knew him.'' JJ began. ''That's not who I fell in love with.''

''Oh, please tell me!'' Emily begged.

''I fell in love with the dangerous, selfish ladies men.'' JJ said simply. ''He was sweet and warm, but when something threatened our relationship, he always gave up. He never really fought for me and that wasn't enough for me after years of heartache.''

''I understand.'' Emily said compassionately. ''Are you still in love with him?''

JJ was surprised by her question and it immediately made her think. ''I don't think so.'' she said honestly. ''But I didn't have much time to really think about him when I was married. I loved Griffen with all my heart. But now old feelings have definitely resurfaced.''

Emily wasn't shocked by JJ's statement. She had already seen that her boss was deeply in love with the blonde detective. But now she was that JJ possibly felt the same way. It was something in her eyes that lit up when they talked about Aaron Hotchner. It was like her grief vanished and was replaced with joy.


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Here's the next chapter. It will contain two flashbacks. The first one happened five years earlier and the second happened a year after that, so from the present that one happened four years earlier.

Special thanks to Sophia0665, Westie80, K8e1, jenny crum, Christiangirl, CM Fan and red2013!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 22: Memories**

_**Three days later…**_

For the first time in days, JJ had a moment to herself. Hotch was at the station and Emily decided to go out to get some food. So JJ sat on the couch and let her thoughts wonder. In the past three days she had been thinking about Lucy constantly and the separation with her daughter was breaking her down. But JJ knew it was best for Lucy to stay away from JJ because she was clearly a target for a sick killer. And JJ didn't want to harm her daughter in any way. She would give up her life for the little girl. She would've given her life for Griffen if she ever had the choice.

And as she thought about Griffen her eyes turned to the ring on her finger. She turned it around, flashing back to one of the happiest days of her entire life.

* * *

_**Five years earlier…**_

_JJ smiled widely, the tears springing into her eyes as she looked into the eyes of the man across from her. It was really happening. She was getting married, to the man she loved with all of her being. She wouldn't want to be standing across from anyone else in that moment. She had everything she ever wanted. All the pieces of her life had fallen into place._

_Griffen returned JJ's gaze with a happy smile, realizing he going to read his vows. Griffen took the piece of paper from Tracy, still laughing at the fact that she was his best man..or woman. He loved that she was willing to be by his side through the wedding. ''My sweet JJ,'' he began. ''Sometimes I wonder how I put up with you.'' he joked with a grin on his face. ''Your stubbornness and resistance can drive me to the point of madness, but somehow you're always right. You win each time and one day I'll find a way to beat you.'' he went on as people around them started laughing at his words. ''But you're so much more than a stubborn beauty. You're so breathtaking in each way. Your kindness keeps surprising me and the fact that you love me for who I am is awe-inspiring.'' he said, getting more serious. ''You always tell me: Griffen, I am a small town girl. That makes me simple!'' he quoted. ''You're not simple you. You're the most complicated mystery I've ever had to deal with it. But that's what I love about you.'' he went on smiling and squeezing JJ's hands gently. ''But you make my life simple.'' he went on. ''And that's all I ever wished for. To spend a simple but happy life with you. And as I stand here before you, I know we'll grow old together through the good and the bad times, because no matter what happens, I will always love you.''_

_JJ squeezed his hand softly, trying not to break out in tears. His vows were beautiful and heartwarming. She wanted to kiss him so badly, but she had to force herself to stay in place, ready to give her own vows. To tell the man she loved, she would be with him till the end of time. She got a nod from her about to be husband and she knew it was her turn. ''Since I was a little girl I dreamed about my dream man and when it was bedtime my mom told me that fairytales didn't always come true. But as stubborn as I was, I held onto my dream.'' she said emotionally. She looked at the sky. ''Guess what, mom! My fairytale came true.'' she cried out. ''I imagined my parents and sister here. To celebrate this day with them and to walk down the aisle with my father.'' she went on, knowing she couldn't hold out much longer. ''And it still pains me to know they'll never be here to meet you.'' she said as she gazed into the hazel eyes in front of her. ''Griffen, I love you. You own my heart and soul. Nothing will ever change that for the rest of our lives.'' she went on. ''And I vow to love you until the end of time because as long as we have each other nothing can ever be that bad.'' she cried out. ''Each morning that I'm going to wake up, I'll look into your eyes and be reminded of how much I love you and how much I always will. You're my forever.'' she whispered. ''I promise this to you as I stand here, because I love you with all that I have!''_

''_I love you!'' he mouthed to JJ._

* * *

JJ snapped back to reality when she felt the tears falling on her hand. She immediately wiped them away. But nothing seemed to stop her moment of profound sadness. She didn't know how to stop the tears from falling. She had amazing moments with Griffen, as well as more difficult ones, but in the end all of them were about how much they truly loved one another. Their love was always the thing to keep them together. Even through the fights or moment of difficulty.

* * *

_**Four years earlier…**_

_JJ stepped into the house with a happy smile on her face. She closed the door behind her and walked into the living room when she heard that the TV was on. She had some very exciting news and she hoped her husband would be just as happy, but she knew a part of him wouldn't understand her career move. But JJ it meant to do something better for herself. She wanted more than to be corporate lawyer. She wanted to help people, so she had decided to join NYPD. Weeks ago she filled out a form to join the police academy and after evaluations and interviews, she was accepted. The news came three hours earlier and she nearly jumped from her chair when she got the phone call. _

_JJ threw her leather jacket on chair and dropped down next to Griffen. She gave him a quick but passionate kiss on his lips. ''I have some news.'' she began happily._

_Griffen immediately turned the TV off and turned to JJ, so he faced her. ''That sounds good.'' he said with excitement. He had heard the good news from Lauren about a week earlier but he didn't want to spoil it for JJ, but he was happy that she finally knew._

''_Here we go…'' she said with hesitance. She took his hands and gently squeezed them. ''I am going to be a cop!'' she exclaimed. _

_Griffen's mouth fell open in complete shock. ''You what?'' he asked. ''What are you talking about?''_

''_I applied a while ago and I got accepted.'' she explained. ''Wait!'' she said. ''What did you think I was going to say?''_

''_Nothing.'' he replied angrily as he rose from the couch. He walked into the kitchen and took food from the fridge, hoping JJ would let the conversation slide, but apparently she followed him into the kitchen._

''_Are you mad about this?'' JJ asked with astonishment as she stood in the middle of the big space, figuring out what was going on. ''Are you mad at me?''_

_Griffen slammed the food onto the counter and whirled around. ''Yes, I am!'' he snapped. ''What the hell, JJ!'' he stated simply. ''You have an amazing job and you're good at it. Great even. Why would you leave that behind?''_

''_You know I want different things, Griffen. You've known that since we started dating. I dreamed about being a police officer for so long that I was actually excited to share this news with you. I thought you would be happy for me!''_

_Griffen walked towards JJ and stopped inches away from her. He hated it when they were fighting. Well, it was more a discussion. He was mad that she hadn't said anything earlier. He wished he had known before so he was at least prepared. ''What if something happens to you when you're at work?'' he questioned. ''That would change our lives forever. Not to mention the life of your four month old daughter. She will grow up without a mother.''_

_JJ sighed deeply. She understood a part of reasoning, but she had a right to follow her own dreams and goals in life. ''So, I am supposed to put my life on hold?'' she asked. ''And you're the only one with dreams and ambitions?''_

''_That's not what I meant.''_

_JJ turned around in anger. She needed some space. So she walked out of the kitchen. ''I need some air. I will be back!'' she said as she left the house. She needed the air to think straight. She hated their conversation, but she wasn't going to give up on what she wanted._

* * *

JJ laughed at the memory, remembering they talked through everything that same night. All it came down to was that Griffen was worried for her safety. He didn't want to lose her and JJ understood. She explained to him that anything could happen and she couldn't let it dictate her life. And in the end he was more than happy for her. He was excited that she was about to do everything she wanted.

So even in hard times, they managed to get through their fights. And it only reminded JJ to keep fighting now. For a better life for Lucy and herself.


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to red2013, K8e1, Sophia0665, jenny crum, Christiangirl and Kimd33!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 23: Taking risks**

_**One week later…**_

JJ stood in front of the mirror in her bra and jeans. As she touched the scar on her chest, she flashed back to the shooting. Seeing Griffen on the ground, struggling for air and being shot herself. The burning sensation of the bullet tearing through her flesh was something she relived each time she stared into the mirror. It reminded her of the awful day she had experienced. It had been three weeks and she wasn't feeling any better. Physically she was recovering quickly but emotionally, she felt like she was falling apart. And she had nothing to keep her together. Lucy was staying with Tracy and Sean for her own safety and JJ was only able to speak to her on the phone once a day. But it wasn't nearly enough. She was sick of being apart from her. So JJ decided she was no longer going to sit around for Hotch to let her go. She was sick of being watched constantly.

JJ grabbed the dark blue sweater from the bed and pulled it over head. She put the keys in her pocket and walked into the living room, where Emily was sitting, as always. Hotch was gone during the day and he would be with her at night. JJ barely talked to him because she was mostly in the bedroom.

''Hey, Emily!'' JJ greeted, her face filled with pain. She held her hand over her chest as she groaned out in pain. ''Have you seen my medication?'' she croaked out.

Emily jumped from the couch and sprinted past JJ. ''They're in the bathroom. I'll get them for you.''

JJ waited for Emily to be out of sight when she ran to the door and closed it silently behind her. She hurried to the elevator, the blood pumping through her veins. She knew it wasn't the smartest thing to escape the FBI's protection, but she didn't care. She wanted to see her daughter. Lucy had already lost a parent and JJ knew the little girl needed her more than anything.

* * *

Once JJ was outside, she spotted the FBI issued SUV and ran towards it. She climbed inside and drove away within seconds, feeling sorry for Emily. Knowing, Hotch he would go ballistic but JJ didn't have time to worry about her new friend. This time she was being selfish and she didn't care.

Emily ran back into the living room, finding it empty. ''JJ?'' she asked as she walked towards the bedroom, but it was empty. ''JJ?'' she yelled, realizing the blonde took off.

It was to be expected. Hotch had warned her to keep a close eye on JJ. He expected her to run off if she had a real chance. Emily could almost kick herself for falling into JJ's trap.

She grabbed her jacket and left the apartment quickly. As she put her jacket on she realized the keys to the SUV were gone. She ran out of the elevator and out of the building and the car really was gone. She sighed out angrily, swearing at the thought of being tricked. She picked up her phone and dialed Hotch's number.

Hotch was nearing the apartment when he saw that Emily was calling. _''I'm almost there, Prentiss.'' _he reassured. _''You don't have to call when I'm five minutes late.''_

''JJ took off, Hotch.'' Emily explained. She had never spoken so fast in her life. ''She faked chest pains and I went to get her meds. When I came back, she was gone.''

''_Damn it, Prentiss!'' _Hotch said, trying to keep himself calmed down. He had to think of where she would go. And that question was the easiest he had had to answer in the past few weeks. _''She's going to see her daughter. That's what I would do.'' _he said simply. _''I'm turning around the corner right now. You can come with me.''_

''Okay,'' Emily said before hanging up the phone.

* * *

It took JJ fifteen minutes before she reached Sean's house. She quickly parked the car in the driveway, but she was stopped when two officers walked towards the car. She jumped from the car and immediately recognized the officers from her precinct.

''Hey!'' she greeted. ''I'm here to visit my daughter.''

''Yeah, of course. You can go in.'' one of them said as they stepped aside so JJ could walk towards the front door.

''Thanks.'' JJ muttered. She put one foot in front of the other and hurried to the door. She rang the bell and waited for someone to let her in. Once the door opened, she saw a very shocked Tracy standing on the other side of it.

''JJ?'' Tracy asked in shock. ''What are you doing here? How are you?''

JJ stepped inside and gave Tracy a quick hug before responding to the questions. ''I just wanted to come by and see Lucy.'' she explained sadly, but her eyes lit up when she saw the little girl watching cartoons. ''Lucy!'' JJ called out.

Lucy dropped everything the moment she heard her mother's voice. She jumped from the couch and met JJ halfway, jumping into her arms. ''Mom,'' she whispered, her voice shaky and soft. ''I miss you.''

''Oh sweetie, I miss you too.'' JJ said happily, looking into the big blue eyes. She could see the happiness on Lucy's face and it instantly lifted her spirits. ''How are you?''

''I am sad, mom!'' she cried, the tears streaming down her face. ''I miss dad. I want him to come back to us.''

''I know, honey. I want the same thing.'' JJ whispered as she rose from the ground with Lucy in her arms. ''Do you want to do something to cheer you up?'' JJ asked.

The little girl started thinking for a moment, trying to think of what to do. ''I want to visit daddy. I want to talk to him.'' she said wisely.

JJ felt her heart sink. Lucy was still young and somehow she understood everything that was happening. ''Sure.'' JJ agreed. She turned to Tracy who had given the two of them some space to be alone. ''Trace, do you mind if I take your car?''

''No, of course not!'' Tracy replied, wondering what JJ wanted to do. ''But aren't you supposed to stay inside?''

''I am.'' JJ answered. ''But I need to spend some time with Lucy.''

''I understand.''

''Can you give these keys to agent Prentiss when she shows up here?'' JJ asked, handing the keys to Tracy. ''Tell her I'm at the cemetery.''

''I will.''

* * *

JJ's mind was blank as she stared at the headstone. Lucy was standing in front of JJ and just put her flower down on the grave. JJ's eyes scanned the short but impacting words on the headstone: _Always in our thoughts. Forever in our hearts. Griffen West, devoted husband, father and friend._

JJ felt uncomfortable, not knowing what to do or even say. She just kept standing behind Lucy to support her. But not even Lucy was speaking. It was a moment of complete silence as they stood there, doing nothing. Maybe it was a moment to remember, together. To promise that the life of Griffen would never be forgotten. To JJ it felt like he was standing right next to her in that moment, as if she could hold his hand and lean against his strong body. Just for a moment her life was happy. But that moment was taken when she heard footsteps behind her.

JJ turned around to see Emily and Hotch walking towards them in a hurry. Hotch had an angry look on his face and JJ knew she wouldn't get of easy. But she didn't care. Both she and Lucy needed a moment together. ''Lucy, I want you stay here with Emily.'' JJ said when Hotch started to pull her away by her arm. ''I will be right back.''

Hotch gently pulled JJ with him behind a tree, hoping they would have some privacy. And when they were out of sight he let go and sighed deeply, his frustrations getting the best of him. ''What are you doing, JJ?'' he asked angrily. ''Do you want to die?''

JJ leaned against the tree and she felt Hotch stepping closer towards her, the heat of his body seeping into hers. Her breath hitched when she returned his gaze and a shiver went through her body. ''You don't have the right to dictate what I do!'' she shot back and she was about to walk away when Hotch kept her against the tree by holding her back.

''Do you really have a death wish?'' he repeated, letting her go when she finally settled. ''I'm doing anything I can to keep you safe, JJ! My boss ordered me to return to Quantico so we could work on other cases, but I convinced her that this one was more important!''

''So what?''

''I don't need to be here if you want to die. I can just go back if you want me to.'' he stated simply.

JJ pushed him away in anger as the first tear fell down her face. ''Than go!'' she yelled. ''Go ahead!'' she spoke as she gave Hotch another push when he closed the distance.

Hotch let JJ push him away. He knew she needed someone to project her anger onto and he didn't mind. He took her into his arms as she struggled against his grip. He put his head on her hair as he held her tightly, feeling her fists slam against his chest. ''I don't want to lose you, JJ. I couldn't handle it.'' he whispered. ''I'm staying until you're safe!''

JJ stopped struggling. Instead, she just let go and dropped down to the ground in Hotch's arms. She was still in his embrace as she was kneeled on the floor. Everything was too much. The loss. The resurfaced feelings. Everything was too confusing. She didn't want to feel so lost, yet she did and she wondered if she would ever find her way again.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Christiangirl, Sophia0665, jenny crum and K8e1!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 24: A shocking offer**

The next morning JJ rose from the bed early. She had convinced Hotch to let her go out more frequently so she could see Lucy. But JJ also wanted to be able to visit family and friends as she went through the grieving process. And today, she finally was able to get out of the apartment and be around people. Not that Emily or Hotch weren't people. It was just very different. She just wanted to be around the people she usually saw. And for a day she had that opportunity so she took it. Emily was going to be with her at all times while Hotch and the team were meeting with Interpol. They were working together to find Anthony Hall. They knew his background, yet he was still living like a ghost. His house in Miami hadn't been used in months, so it wasn't going to be easy to find the man. But Hotch wasn't giving up on the investigation. They still had to find out why Anthony Hall was hired to kill Griffen. And as long as he didn't have any strong leads, he wasn't going to involve JJ. He wanted her to recover from the trauma, instead of worrying about catching a professional killer.

JJ stepped out of the bedroom, her purse on her arms, and her jacket was already on. She gave a quick nod to Emily to let her know she was ready. ''Let's go!''

''Are you sure about this?'' Emily asked carefully, knowing JJ had been determined to visit Parker & West. She wanted to see her friends and clean out Griffen's office for his successor.

JJ stopped for a moment to speak to Emily clearly. ''I have to do this at one point.'' she began. ''I can't wait any longer. I know they will probably use the office for someone else soon so I can either let them move out Griffen's belongings or I do it myself.''

''Yeah, I get it, JJ.'' Emily said friendly. ''You just shouldn't rush into anything.''

''I know.''

* * *

The drive to Parker & West was filled with silence. JJ was thinking of all the great moment she had at the firm. It had always been like a second home to her, filled with friend and family. She had grown and learned there. She had worked beside the best lawyer in New-York and she even married him. She could still relive the first day she met Griffen so vividly. He seemed like a complete ass, but he turned out to be the loyal man she would end up marrying.

And as JJ looked out the window, she didn't have a single regret about her life with him. She never regretted choosing him seven years earlier. It was the best choice of her life. But what she didn't expect was that it would end the way it had. She expected to grow old and wrinkly with him and to see their child grow up together, like it was supposed to happen. Just like every other thing in her life, the happiness had been taken from her. Her parents, her sister and now Griffen. Sometimes she even counted Hotch as a loss when he broke-up with her. It's what it had felt like. Probably because she was very young, but she still carried that with her. The what-ifs regarding their relationship all those years ago managed to creep into her mind every now and then, which she felt guilty about because she was married after all.

Emily looked to her side when she noticed that JJ had a saddened expression on her face. ''Anything interesting going through your head?'' she asked.

JJ looked at the agent and smiled shortly. ''Just thinking.''

''About?''

JJ appreciated Emily's presence. The woman knew how to push an answer out of someone. But more than that, she was considering her a friend. They talked a lot when they were alone in the apartment and their conversations included almost anything. JJ had learned a lot about Emily's past, not everything, but she knew she traveled a lot because of her mother's job. ''I am sorry about yesterday.'' JJ apologized. ''I hope you didn't get into trouble with, Aaron.''

''Ah no, Hotch was so focused on finding you that he didn't have a moment to yell at me.'' Emily said, laughing through the sentence. ''He really does care about you.''

''Yeah,'' JJ agreed. ''It's probably the reason he won't tell me anything about the case. Do you know the results of the DNA that was taken after the second attack?''

Emily was shocked to hear that Hotch was keeping the blonde in the dark. She wished he hadn't because now she either had to lie to JJ or tell the truth. ''I can't discuss this with you, JJ. I am sorry.''

''Don't be. I understand.'' she said, noticing from her response that they definitely had DNA results and JJ was going to find out who it belonged to. She wasn't going to let anyone get in her way. She deserved to know, but more than that she needed to know.

JJ looked out the window again, realizing they had reached the destination. She jumped from the car and started to walk towards the entrance of the building. Nothing had changed since she had been there last. She didn't expect anything to be different. She still visited frequently after she quit, but this time it felt differently. It was as if she entering an alternate reality. She wished it was, but unfortunately it was all too real.

They reached the right floor before they knew it and JJ felt her body trembling as she walked through the hallways of the familiar office. She noticed not a lot of people were present because it was still early. But the one person JJ wanted to see was already there. She knew it. It had been like that even when she worked there.

Lauren looked up when she heard her door open. She gasped in surprise and immediately rose from her chair to walk towards JJ. She hadn't seen the blonde in a long time and she didn't want to bother JJ at the hospital because she felt like JJ needed to spent time with family. ''JJ!'' she called emotionally.

JJ walked towards the older woman and flew into her embrace. Lauren had been a role model for JJ in the years she worked at the firm. She had become like an older sister. A lot in the older woman reminded JJ of her sister and it pained her that they hadn't been in contact for a long time. ''It's good to see you again.'' JJ said as she broke away from the hug.

''Yeah, it is.'' Lauren agreed. ''Have a seat.''

JJ sat down and realized the office hadn't changed at all. Everything was still in the same place. ''Nothing has changed.'' she observed. ''It's really weird to be back here.''

''That's to be expected.'' Lauren said sweetly. ''How are you holding up, JJ?'' she asked with concern.

''I'm living day by day. I have to for Lucy.''

Lauren responded by nodding, knowing JJ was right. ''I understand.'' she said. She didn't know where to take the conversation next. She had a burning question she needed to ask the blonde. Something important to the firm and to everyone who worked there. Who was going to replace Griffen West? ''There's something important I need to discuss with you.''

''Okay,'' JJ said, the panic in her voice when Lauren looked really serious all of a sudden. Something in her expression changed drastically.

''This may not be the right the time for this. But I am going to ask you anyway.'' she stated simply. ''Parker & West has lost a valuable asset. We all know this place won't be the same without Griffen. But we need someone to fill his void.'' she went on. ''And I prefer another West would keep the name on the doors alive. I want you to take his position, JJ.''

JJ nearly fainted when she heard the words. She was blown away and shocked. ''What?'' she gasped.

''I want you to take his position as managing partner.'' Lauren explained easily. ''There's no one who's better at that job than you will ever be.''

''Lauren, I…'' JJ tried to say but she was cut off.

Lauren sat straight up. ''JJ, I get your hesitation.'' she began. ''But you left this place unfinished. You were about to be promoted to senior partner when you left.'' she went on. ''You were one of the best we had.''

''Wait!'' JJ began with shock. ''Senior partner?'' she repeated.

''You didn't know?''

''No, I didn't.'' JJ replied loudly. ''I never would've believed it. It was still so young and there were better people at this firm.''

''That's where you're mistaken, JJ.'' Lauren rectified. ''Yes, you were young. But no, there weren't any better people.'' she went on. ''You brought fifty percent more clients in than any other junior partner. You had better billables than any of them. It was the right choice.''

''I am detective now.'' JJ began. ''I need to think about it. I just have a lot on my mind right now. Thinking about work is the last thing I need right now. I hope you understand.''

''Yeah, of course. Take all the time you need, JJ.'' Lauren reassured.

''I will let you know as soon as possible.'' JJ said, her head still in disbelief. She didn't know what she wanted. Working at Parker & West would bring even more pain, but keeping Griffen's legacy alive seemed to be something she wanted to do. He deserved that, but could JJ really give up something she loved?


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to handsome-uks, Westie80, Christiangirl, Sohpia0665, K8e1, Kimd33, jenny crum, red2013 and Snowbeardolphin!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 25: Just a start**

After her conversation with Lauren, JJ left her office and slowly but surely made her way to Griffen's office. Her body cringed when she stepped inside, a feeling of powerless emotions hitting her straight in the face. It was harder than she expected it to be. Moments she spent in the office came rushing back, and she tried to keep herself together. To not fall apart. She rushed to the chair and sat down behind the desks, knowing it was all really over. She still couldn't believe it. But the cold chair was enough proof of his absence. Griffen was always at the office in the time. He never missed a day of work and JJ always admired that about him.

And as she sat in that office, the desire to keep his memory alive was overwhelming. But she didn't know if she would ever be able to fill his shoes. Not to mention that she was a detective, and she was also offered a job by the FBI multiple times. She was just at another crossroads and she needed to make an impossible choice and in that process she didn't want to let anyone down. Lauren deserved a good partner at the firm. The question was just if JJ was capable of being that great partner.

''Lauren told me you were coming.'' a voice from behind said sadly. ''How are you, JJ?''

JJ turned around in the chair, seeing Wesley Evans standing in the middle of the office. She rose from the chair and stopped right in front of him. ''Hey,'' she greeted. ''I'm doing fine.'' she lied, hoping her former boss didn't see it.

''I know you, JJ. That was a lie.'' he contradicted. ''But how are you really?''

JJ sat down on the couch, following Wesley as he took a seat on it as well. ''I felt pretty good this morning.'' she started. ''But now, I am just thinking about a lot.''

''She offered you his position?'' he asked and JJ responded by nodding slowly. ''Well, it's an amazing chance and I understand why Lauren wants you to take Griffen's spot within the firm.''

''I just don't know how I can ever replace him, Wesley.'' JJ stated with a heavy heart. ''It's not easy for me.''

He put his hand on hers, trying to give her some comfort. ''No one will ever replace him. That's just impossible. But you're forgetting that you were one of the best partners before you left.'' he went on. ''You'll do an amazing job. I know it.''

''Don't you want the position of managing partner?'' JJ wondered.

''No,'' he answered. ''I don't want to carry that burden. It's not just about how you are as a lawyer, but it's about commitment and leadership. I don't think it's the right thing for me. But you would be perfect.''

JJ sighed deeply, smiling in response. ''Did Lauren put you up to this?'' she asked bluntly.

''Absolutely not.'' he responded quickly. ''I like Lauren, but I don't let her use me as a messenger.''

''Yeah, I remember. You just use other people.'' JJ said. ''I remember you doing that with me a couple of times when I was still an associate.''

''Ah, you were young and impressionable.''

JJ was about to talk when Emily walked inside the office without knocking. ''What is it?'' JJ asked with worry in her voice. The look on Emily's face was urgent.

''Hotch just called me and he said he needs me at the station immediately.'' she began. ''You have to come with me since there's no one else who can watch you.''

''I can stay here, Emily.'' JJ reassured but she soon realized that it wasn't an option at all. ''Yeah right, Hotch will kill me if I am not protected.

''Exactly.''

JJ rose from the couch and walked to Emily. ''I'll talk to you soon.'' she said to Wesley before she left the office, feeling like she was leaving Griffen behind. It was like a punch to the stomach.

* * *

At the station JJ joined her partner, Adam, at his desk to catch up. She hadn't seen him for a few days and she wanted to know what was going on with the case since the FBI wasn't telling her anything. She felt like she had a right to know.

Emily looked back for a moment to check on JJ. Once she noticed the blonde was fine, she walked inside the conference room, only finding Hotch, Rossi, Garcia and Reid there. ''Where's Morgan?'' she asked.

Rossi stepped forward. ''Derek has been following Ava Peterson since her arrest.'' he started. ''He didn't find anything suspicious until now.''

''What's going on?'' Emily asked, a hint of desperation in her voice. She realized something was very wrong when she noticed the look on Hotch's face.

''Ava Peterson left her apartment for the first time today and Morgan followed her to a bank.'' Hotch said sadly. ''She was shot before she entered the bank.''

''Oh my god,'' Emily whispered. ''When?''

''About an hour ago.'' Garcia said.

''We believe it was Anthony Hall who struck again.'' Rossi went on. ''He shot from one of the higher buildings in the area and he left a pair of black leather gloves on the roof.''

Emily barely heard a word Rossi said because she was thinking. Pieces in her head were coming together like pieces to a puzzle. ''Garia, can you pull up information on the bank?'' she asked flatly.

Garcia duck behind her laptop and started typing away and had the information on the bank within seconds. ''Nothing important to find about this particular bank.''

''Do they have safety deposit boxes?'' Emily asked curiously.

Hotch stepped back and let Emily think, knowing she was on to something big. She had that look in her eyes.

''Yes,'' Garcia replied.

Emily turned around to Hotch instantly. ''We expected that Ava Peterson was having an affair with Griffen West, yet she didn't tell us anything when we wanted to ask questions.'' she rambled. ''She's a journalist, Hotch!''

''So?'' he asked.

''What if she was working on a story and Griffen had insight on a case?'' she said. ''What if they met to talk about the case and it got them both killed?'' she added. ''The key!''

Hotch knew Emily had to be right. It was the best they had found in a long time. ''Let's go to the bank.'' he said. ''Rossi and Reid, stay with JJ!'' he ordered. He was out of the station within seconds. This seemed to fit every lead they had and he hoped it was all real and that the mystery would finally be solved.


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to Kimd33, Sophia0665, Christiangirl, Westie80, jenny crum, red2013 and handsome-uks!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 26: Unveiling**

Hotch and Emily were on the scene by the bank quickly. The scene was crawling with cops and detectives, but Hotch only wanted one thing for now. He wanted to check if the bank had a safety deposit box with the number 476. So he slipped past the crime scene tape after showing his ID and Emily followed him closely.

Emily had a feeling that this was the lead they had been waiting for. All the pieces had suddenly snapped together in an instant and she was excited to bring down the people who were involved in the case. It had been weeks and she felt like going home to her own bed for once. The team only stayed because the case was personal for Hotch. They would do anything for one another, so they supported him. But she also knew the team would be more than happy to leave and go back home to Quantico. They all had lives to get back to, not to mention that dozens of other cases probably needed their assistance. So Emily prayed it was all going to be over.

Hotch stepped towards the bank manager. ''Sir, could you show me the safety deposit boxes?''

''Of course.'' the manager agreed as he turned around and made his way to the other side of the bank. He walked to the end and grabbed his keys to open the lock. ''Which number do you have, sir?''

''476.'' Hotch said quickly, his heart beating a mile a minute. It felt like they were on the right track. Something was telling him they were closer than ever before. ''Thank you.'' Hotch said when the manager put the box on the table. He gave Hotch a quick nod before he left Emily and Hotch alone.

''Let's do this!'' Emily encouraged.

Hotch took the key from his pocket and put it in the lock, feeling a sense of relief when it actually did fit. He opened the box to find a stack of files and papers in the box. He pulled the stack from the box. He put it on the table and took a folder. When he opened it, he froze. He stopped breathing and didn't move an inch.

Emily stopped going through the files when she noticed the shocked face on her boss. Something was very wrong. ''Hotch?'' she asked. ''Hotch? What is it?''

Hotch's eyes flew over the transcript. His heart sank, realizing what Griffen West had been up to behind JJ's back. But another part of him knew he probably did it to protect JJ from immense pain and betrayal. What he had found was unbelievable. ''Take this to the car.'' he croaked out. ''I need some air.''

Emily watched as Hotch walked out of the bank. Well, he stormed out of the bank. So Emily took the all the files and held them against her chest as she left the bank. She told herself to go through the files Hotch read as soon as she got the car. So she hurried, nearly running to the car to get some clarity.

She jumped in the passenger's side and put everything on her lap. She took the transcripts and started reading. But when she read the name, she knew what was wrong. She understood immediately. This was the last thing she expected and she knew it would haunt both JJ and Hotch forever. It changed everything for both of them. But it was hardest for JJ. She had lost so much for nothing. It was all senseless, without reason. But it still happened.

Emily nearly jumped from her skin when Hotch opened the door and jumped inside. He put the keys in the ignition and drove off without saying a word. His eyes were on the road as his mind was racing. He had thousands of questions. But his worst thought was, how am I supposed to tell JJ? It seemed nearly impossible. He felt the tears in his eyes and he tried to fight them off but it didn't work. This was just too much to handle for him. It was unbearable to think about. ''Did you read it?'' he asked Emily, his voice soft and demanding at the same time.

Emily looked at her side, seeing the man in a vulnerable state. It broke her heart to see Hotch like that. He never showed any emotion, but now it was in overload. It was in his eyes, his expression and in his voice. ''You have to tell her!'' Emily whispered. ''I know you want to protect her, but she deserves to know about this.''

''This will destroy her, Prentiss.'' Hotch snapped. ''This will kill her.''

Emily sighed deeply, hoping there was a way to reason with him. ''This!'' Emily said as she held up the files. ''This is something you can't keep from her. Not this.''

''It changes everything.'' Hotch began. ''She'll realize that so many parts of her life have been a lie and I don't think she'll ever get over that. This is about the most important part of her. How will she ever accept it?''

''You do realize this isn't your fault, right?'' Emily asked with concern, but Hotch didn't respond. ''Hotch, you're not to blame for his actions. You couldn't have stopped him. It happened such a long time ago and he made the choice to do it.''

''But did he really have a choice, Prentiss?'' he asked sadly. ''I mean, this is just the last thing I expected.'' he went on. ''I never thought the past would be dragged up and thrown in my face again. If I can't handle this then I don't know if JJ can.''

''You can only be there for her.'' Emily whispered.

* * *

Hotch stepped into the apartment with caution. He knew Reid was there with JJ, but he heard some commotion from the outside. So he quickly opened the door to find JJ kneeled on the living room floor with files and pictures surrounding her. He immediately returned her gaze and she looked hurt.

Reid hurried to Hotch's side. ''Her partner gave her the files. I tried to stop her but she wouldn't listen.'' he explained.

''Thanks, Reid.'' Hotch said with assurance. ''Emily is waiting in the car to bring you back to the station. We have a new lead.''

''Okay.'' he said before he left the apartment.

In the living room, JJ rose from the floor and walked towards Hotch in anger. She held the picture of Anthony Hall in her hands and slammed it against his chest with force. ''Anthony Hall?'' she demanded, taking a step back. ''How could you not tell me? Why did you keep this from me?''

''Because I knew you would turn it into an obsession, which I was right about!'' he shot back.

''You don't have the right to decide about my life!'' JJ yelled angrily. ''This is my business. You knew who killed my husband and you didn't tell me!''

Hotch stepped forward but JJ took another one back. So he stopped. ''JJ, look around you!'' he pointed out. ''It's been two hours and you're already using this as a distraction. You should me mourning a loss instead of tracking down your husband's killer. That's my job.''

JJ turned around and grabbed her jacket so she could leave. She needed air and to get away from the fight. But Hotch blocked her path. ''Let me go, Aaron!'' she asked nicely but he didn't move. So she pushed him away with everything she had and she stormed out of the apartment.


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Here's another chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to handsome-uks, Sophia0665, Westie80, red2013, Kimd33, K8e1, Christiangirl, jenny crum and Snowbeardolphin!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 27: Searching for acceptance**

JJ kneeled down at the grave, the tears streaming down her face as she faced the too familiar headstone. Her body was shaking as she put her hands on her knees. She had no idea why she went to the grave. It wasn't like she could talk to Griffen anymore, but every part of her being wished she still could. She just wanted his advice and to be in his embrace when life got hard. But like everyone else in her life, Griffen was gone.

JJ tried to get herself back together so she could go back to the SUV, but something kept her from going. She needed to say so much. There was so much she was never able to say because he had died too early.

''I miss you, Griffen.'' she began, her breathing speeding up. ''I don't know what I am supposed to do without you. I mean, how could I?'' she cried out. ''I want to kill the man who took you from me. I really want to do it, but it seems like there's no point in it.''

She stopped for a moment, realizing she was talking to no one, but it gave her some comfort as she imagined to talk to her late husband. Imagining him next to her helped her. ''I don't know how to do this, Griffen. I feel like I am empty and there's nothing left for me to focus on expect finding your killer. It's all I want to do.'' she admitted flatly with no emotion in her voice. She felt like there wasn't a trace of emotion within her. It seemed like it disappeared with the man she loved. Into the grave. ''I can't…I…I can't do this. I can't live without you!'' she cried out, her head in her hands as her body shook violently. The grief and denial were all too much. ''Everyone tells me to move on but I don't know how. I don't know how to move on from you.'' she muttered. ''I just don't know how to move forward without you, Griffen. I love you and I need you…'' she went on. ''I need you here.''

JJ stopped talking when she heard someone move behind her. She took the gun from her jeans and held it in front of her. She had no idea what was about to happen. It could be another attempt on her life. So she took it off safety and jumped from the ground and pointed the gun at the person behind her. But she felt herself breathe when she saw who it was. ''Aaron?'' she asked in tears.

Hotch stepped forward as he realized he should've announced himself to the jumpy blonde. It wasn't a shock that she was on edge. She had every right to be and after what he discovered it could only become worse for her. But he didn't want to keep anything from her any longer. He knew she wanted to know the truth so he was going to give it to her.

He put his hand on the gun and slowly took it from her grip, feeling her hand relax in his. ''It's okay.'' he encouraged. ''It's just me.''

JJ looked up to meet his gaze. ''How did you know I was here?'' she wondered.

''The day you turned seventeen you had a fight with Sean and you stormed off to the cemetery. I followed you there and we had our first real conversation since we met. It was one of the nights that changed my life forever, JJ.'' he explained simply. It was simple in reality. He had fallen for JJ long ago, even when she was still with his brother. JJ had always been the one for him and he always knew it. Somehow he managed to mess up any chance he had with her. It was his own fault and he hated himself for his many mistakes. But this time he had a chance to do right by her. ''That was the start of our complicated relationship.''

''Sometimes I wish I'd never met you, Aaron.'' she said bluntly. ''I think both of our lives would've been so much easier.''

''No, they wouldn't be, JJ!'' he said instantly. ''Because looking into your blue eyes makes me feel alive. Holding your hand reaffirms my beliefs in love.'' he went on. ''There's no way that we weren't supposed to meet. I don't want you to think about it like that.''

JJ let her hand slip from his. She turned to the headstone and turned back to Hotch a few seconds later. ''What am I supposed to think, Aaron?'' she demanded. ''That everything happens for a reason? That Griffen had to die so I could be with you?'' she went on. ''There's no way in hell that's destiny! And if it is then they can go and bite me because this doesn't feel like destiny to me!'' she yelled angrily.

''JJ,'' he whispered but she didn't stop.

''What kind of destiny rips away my husband? And takes away a father?'' she asked. ''How can you believe this was meant to be?''

''I was only talking about fourteen years ago, JJ. I don't mean this!'' he assured. ''Of course I don't want to see you like this. I would rather die than to see you this upset.'' he whispered. ''Don't you understand that I love you and that I want you to be happy? That's all I ever wanted for you.''

JJ folded her arms in front of her chest like a protection shield. As always, he managed to creep through her defenses and make her feel. But feeling wasn't easier it made everything worse. It made her realize what she had lost and what she might have won back. But the thought of being with Hotch so soon after her husband's death made her grimace. It felt like she was betraying everything she promised Griffen.

When JJ stayed silent, Hotch decided to announce his important news. ''We have to go back to the apartment, JJ. We found something and I need you to sit down for this.''

''Yeah, of course.'' JJ said nervously. The tone in his voice was serious. But what made her scared was the pain that came along with it.

* * *

Once they got to the apartment, JJ took a seat on the sofa and waited for Hotch to join her. The apartment was empty so they had all the privacy because Emily was explaining to the team what kind of evidence they found.

Hotch sat down next to JJ with the files in his hands. He sighed deeply before opening them and even them he didn't directly show them to JJ. ''This is huge, JJ.'' he warned. ''This is going to bring you even more pain than before and I need you to know I'm not going anywhere.''

''I don't think this can get any worse.'' she replied. ''Just tell me.''

Hotch nodded with hesitation, but he was finally going to do it. ''Griffen had been working on a case six months before his death.'' he began, showing her the file.

''This is a pro bono case.'' she muttered. Her eyes flew over the paper until she noticed the familiar name. It was the name of the man she hated deeply. He was the person who robbed her off her family. ''Daniel Hotchner? Your dad?'' she asked with confusion.

''Yeah, I was thrown off by it as well.'' Hotch said sadly. He took another folder and opened it, putting it in JJ's hands. ''Griffen went to visit my father in prison on multiple occasions and he recorded all their conversations for evidence.'' he went on. ''JJ, you should read this.'' he suggested as he sat back.

JJ's eyes scanned the pieces of paper as she took in each piece of information, every bit more shocking than the before. When she was done, she felt speechless and the tears were streaming down her face. ''My parents and sister were murdered?'' she cried out. ''It wasn't an accident, but it was planned?''

Hotch nodded in response, putting his hand on her thigh. He could see the struggle she was having. ''My father said he owed someone a lot of money and when he couldn't pay it back, they forced him to kill your family.'' he went on. ''They threatened to kill me, Sean and my mother if he didn't do as he was told.''

JJ wiped away the tears. ''But why my family?'' she cried out. ''What did they do to die for?''

''We don't know, JJ.'' Hotch whispered.

JJ rose from the couch and threw the files down on it. She needed a break from all of it. This wasn't what she imagined had happened. Griffen died because he was uncovering the truth behind her family's death. It was all connected and she didn't know how. ''I need a moment!'' she said before she left for her room.

She dropped to the bed in tears as the information raced through her head. It was truly unbelievable. She didn't even want to believe it. But she realized Griffen did warn her in his letter._ I hope that one day you will accept that and move one from whatever happens next._This was what was happening next and she feared the rest of the mystery would be even more hurtful. A part of her didn't want to know.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: Here's another one. I hope everyone likes it!

Special thanks to Sophia0665, Christiangirl, red2013, K8e1, Kimd33, Westie80 and jenny crum!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 28: Hostility**

_**Two months later…**_

Hotch walked inside the bedroom without announcing his presence. He threw the door shut with such force that JJ was torn from her sleep. He just didn't care. He had been chasing and protecting someone who obviously didn't care. He was there, like he promised. He had been there for over two months through the horror, lies and betrayals. He had been by her side, but she still was ready to throw her life away. He was done with her selfish behavior and he was going to express his anger. It was his last time or else he would finally walk away. He'd be done, but his heart would always be hers. Nothing could ever change that.

JJ jumped from the bed and was about to cover herself up when Hotch took the robe away from her. He threw it on the ground. ''What is your problem?''

He turned away, feeling his frustration rise. She was going to be stubborn as always. ''You're never going to stop this, are you?'' he asked.

JJ was puzzled at first, trying to figure out what he exactly meant. But then she met his gaze and she immediately knew. ''I can't, Aaron.'' she said. Her insides were screaming to tell him the truth. To let him know why she had been on a suicide mission all by herself. But she couldn't put his life in danger. ''Don't ask me!'' she warned as the pain cut to the surface.

Hotch stepped forward, taking in each inch of her expression. ''I'm not going to stand here and watch as you destroy yourself!'' he said, nearly yelling. His voice was at a point of rage. Hotch walked towards JJ and pulled her up by the arm. He crashed her into the wall and put both hands on either side of her head, making her look at him. ''Don't tell me what to do!'' he warned as he let go of her, realizing the mistake he made. ''God damn it, JJ!'' he exclaimed. ''I made a promise. A promise to Griffen to protect you and Lucy. I am trying to help you, but you keep avoiding your feelings. I know you and I know what you're trying to do here and it isn't working.'' he yelled. ''Why the hell did you try to go into that prison to question my father? We were lucky enough that agents were able to stop you, JJ! We have eyes and ears in that prison and my father is being held in solitary confinement, but we both know he's being watched! And we both know that will get you killed! How could you be so stupid?''

JJ's back was still against the wall after Hotch had taken a few steps back. JJ stepped forward when she had enough space to move. ''You think you know me so well, Aaron?'' she questioned. ''Well, you don't! You don't know anything about me!''

Hotch shook his head immediately. ''I know you're running away. You're giving these people a chance to kill you and you don't care. You don't seem to care about anything anymore.'' he began. ''Look in the mirror, JJ! Look in the mirror and remember the losses. Let yourself feel for once.''

''Stop!''

He took a step towards her until she once again collided with the wall. ''Come on, JJ! Remember!'' he insisted as he put his hands on her shoulders. ''Your mother, your father…'' he stopped. ''Your sister and Griffen, JJ! Your husband. The man you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with. They're all dead!''

''Aaron, stop!'' she cried out. She knew he was right, like he always was. The past two months had consumed her completely. She had only been focused on uncovering the truth behind her family's death. She needed to know what got them killed, but each lead was another disappointment. They had nothing, just like when they started. They only had a bigger mystery without a motive. It was eating JJ alive. And instead of accepting the deaths, she drowned herself in the case and ignored the people around her. Hotch and Emily stayed in New-York to help with the case as the rest of the team went back to Quantico. And even Emily saw JJ fall apart before her own eyes. ''It's to much to handle, Aaron! I don't want to feel anything.''

''JJ, this is just as hard for me as it is for you!'' he yelled back at her.

''Is it, Aaron?'' she asked. ''Because I believe that my entire family was killed and I was supposed to die with them. I was supposed to die! And if I had been dead, Griffen wouldn't have died. Do you have any ideas how it feels that that accident fourteen years ago wasn't just an accident, but that it was actually murder! First degree murder, Aaron! Not vehicular manslaughter!'' she said, her voice filled with anxiety. ''It's not fair!'' she cried out. ''And I'd rather throw myself into this case than to feel all the pain of the losses I suffered.''

''But what about your daughter?'' he asked with concern. ''What about me?'' he pointed out. He had been patient with JJ. He hadn't made a move on her in months and he didn't do anything to provoke her. He had been by her side and he did everything she needed him to do. He felt like he had become useless, but most of all, expendable. He knew he wasn't but it felt like it. ''I know you can feel, JJ!''

He approached her slowly and gently pressed her back into the wall, his body covering hers. The warmth of their bodies against one another was heavenly. Just like all those years ago, it felt utterly perfect to be close to one another. They were a match made in heaven.

Hotch cupped her cheek as his other hand rested on her hip. He held her still when he felt her struggle. So he leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. He lingered but pulled away when she didn't respond. ''Does that make you feel?'' he asked, his breathing quickening as he stayed close to her.

He leaned forward again, touching her lips more demanding as his hand sneaked under her tank top and up her stomach. ''Does that make you feel?''

JJ was trying to focus on her thoughts, but all she could feel was desire and passion. His hands and lips were distracting her from her troubles and for a moment she was in another world. Away from the pain and loss. So she responded to his kiss eagerly and let him take off her shirt.

Hotch threw her tank top to the ground with a smile on his face. ''I guess that's a yes!'' he said with anticipation.


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: I am so sorry for the wait, and this is the best I can do for now. The past few days have been really crazy so this was the best I could come up with. I hope I'll be able to update tomorrow, but I can't promise anything. But as always, thanks for the amazing support and reviews! I love every single one of you.

Special thanks to Kimd33, K8e1, Sophia0665, jenny crum, Westie80, Christiangirl and Snowbeardolphin!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 29: Consideration**

Everything inside JJ was letting her defenses crumble as she felt his lips move against her neck, along her chest and back to her lips. The feeling of desire had completely taken over everything. She was willing to be with him and she wasn't holding him back in any way. She wanted to forget the things that had happened, and all of the heartbreaking evidence that showed her family was murdered. It felt sickening to even think about, but it was reality and she knew she had to face it some time, but not right now.

So she responded to his passionate and rough kisses. She fought for dominance but was beaten by him each time. His mouth and hands were demanding but gentle at the same time. As his hands moved across her stomach, towards her shorts, she knew what was about to happen. She had been so lost that she hadn't even noticed that his pants were around his ankles. He lifted her up and that's when JJ realized what it would turn out to be. It would be nothing more than just sex up against a wall and she couldn't do that. Not to herself, but most of all not to Griffen. It wasn't right.

She pulled her head back as he pushed her body further against the wall, his arousal pressing against her core. The desire was still there, but her brain had come back to life. ''Aaron, stop!'' she whispered, but he didn't stop.

He kissed her neck and breasts and moved his hands over her breasts. ''Come on, JJ!'' he begged hoarsely. ''We're both ready. I thought you wanted this!'' he whispered against her neck.

This time JJ pushed him away roughly and fell to the floor. She got up quickly and pulled her shirt over head. She folded her arms across her chest in protectiveness, realizing she wasn't ready for what they almost did. ''It's too soon.'' JJ whispered apologetically, but her feelings were assured when the desire on his face was replaced with understanding and love.

Hotch stepped forward after putting his clothes back on. He pulled JJ into his embrace and held her tightly, knowing she wasn't going to be ready for another relationship in a long time. ''Sorry, I got lost in the heat of the moment, JJ.'' he explained shamefully. ''I understand that you're not ready and I would never force you to do anything.''

''Thanks, Aaron.'' JJ whispered as the door swung open, revealing Emily.

Emily saw the two lovebirds hugging so she took a step back. ''Oh, I am sorry for interrupting. I'll come back.''

''No, it's fine. I have to go to the station anyway.'' he said to stop Emily from leaving the bedroom. He broke away from JJ and gave her a quick wink before leaving the two ladies to themselves.

JJ dropped down on the middle of the bed, her back colliding with the mattress. She groaned out in frustration over what just happened. She didn't know how to deal with her confusing feelings. She had been all over the place for weeks and it scared her. But the guilt she felt in the moment was the worst of all. It just washed over all of a sudden without any warning and it broke her heart into pieces. She never expected that the situation with Hotch would progress so quickly. One moment they were fighting and the next they were all over each other, giving into their urges. But deep down JJ knew it was more than just that. She could admit she had feelings for him. She just didn't know in what capacity. It was terrifying to even admit it so she didn't want to think about it anymore.

''JJ, how are you feeling?'' Emily asked as she noticed the blonde laying down on the bed. She looked worried. Very worried even and that only worried Emily. The two had become great friends as the days in the apartment passed by. They seemed to have a lot in common and they could talk for hours.

JJ sat up, not knowing what exactly to tell her friend. ''I…I…I don't know.'' she stumbled. ''I'm so afraid to move on. I feel like I just cheated on Griffen because I kissed Aaron.'' she explained. ''It felt good in the moment but now I just feel awful about it.''

Emily sat down on the edge of the bed and turned to face JJ. She sighed deeply before saying anything to the blonde. It was a hard topic. She knew JJ hadn't moved on from her husband, so it was hard to judge the situation. ''From what I see in Hotch, I know he loves you very much.'' Emily began. ''Look JJ, I don't want to push you in any direction and I don't know how hard this must be for you, but Hotch is giving everything he can. To you and his job. He's committed to you and he trusts you or else he wouldn't have been here for so long while his team is out solving cases across the country.'' she explained. She knew Hotch pretty well. He was a hardass, but a very good one. ''He's here for you.''

''I know, Em.'' JJ agreed. ''But what about Griffen? How can I just move on from the life I built with him? How can I turn my back on that?''

''You don't!'' Emily started. ''You'll probably never move on from his death, but you will learn to live with it and maybe you can build a life with someone else, but you will always remember him.'' she went on. ''When I look at you it seems like you feel the same way about Hotch.''

''I do. I really do.'' she began. ''But it has only been a few months since Griffen died. I just feel so guilty.''

''Your vows with Griffen were to death do you part, JJ. He wouldn't want you to mourn. I think he would've wanted you to move forward.'' Emily said simply. It was the simple but very hard truth for everyone who lost a husband or wife. It was just reality and JJ had to face it, instead of running away from it or else it would destroy her.


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Here's the next chapter. I am sorry for the long wait between updates. I'm doing the best I can, and I hope you all with enjoy this next chapter. I will try to update next chapter tomorrow.

Special thanks to K8e1, Sophia0665, Christiangirl, CM Fan, Snowbeardolphin, jenny crum, Kimd33, handsome-uks, red2013 and SSA. TimeLord!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 30: Complete loss**

JJ sat behind her desk at the station. Her captain had put her on desk duty and it was making JJ go crazy. Her partner and colleagues were out solving murders and helping people while she was stuck behind the desk, with either Hotch or Emily with her. She was so sick of being treated like child all the time. It also didn't help that she wasn't allowed on the case to catch Griffen's killer. Hotch had made it perfectly clear that she needed to stay away, but JJ wasn't about to go down without a fight. They were talking about the man she loved. Her husband. The father to Lucy and his killer was free to do whatever he pleased. Not to mention that the deaths of her family were tied to it. It was as personal as anything could possibly get. JJ was going to make it her own mission, and she wasn't going to let anyone stand in the way. They were talking about her. Her life had been ruled by other people for the past weeks and it made her sick. It wasn't right anymore.

JJ rose from her chair and walked towards her captain's office. Her gun at her hip and her badge in her pocket. Somehow she had been cleared for duty by the department's therapist. It was only because she knew exactly what to say and which buttons to push. It wasn't that hard to fake her own well-being.

JJ knocked on the door and waited for an invitation. She walked in when she heard the voice. She took a seat in the chair across from the desk, ready to give a long and effective speech to convince her boss. She was ready to stand up for what she wanted. ''Sir, I want to ask you to put me on Griffen's case.'' she announced simply. There was no other way to put it. It was simple. ''I can't be sitting behind that desk all day while the entire station is working on the case. Give me a chance!'' she begged.

Captain Reed rose from his chair and took the seat next to JJ. He understood her drive and willingness, but he couldn't put her in the line of fire. She would get herself killed. He knew her well enough to know that about the blonde detective. ''I can't help you with that, JJ.'' he said gently. ''It's too dangerous.''

''But what about every other officer or agent who is working the case? What about them?'' she questioned.

Reed was about to respond when the door opened further. It revealed a slightly upset looking Hotch. JJ immediately turned away and focused on her captain. ''I need to be on this case, sir.'' she went on. ''I need this.''

Hotch immediately decided to interrupt her. She wasn't thinking straight. ''JJ, we talked about this.'' he whispered softly. ''You agreed to stay away from this case.''

''Aaron, this isn't your business!'' she said as she rose from the chair in anger. ''You don't have a right to control my life!''

''You're right!'' he agreed. ''But it's my business when you put your life in danger when you try to visit my father when you know people are after you, JJ. You could've gotten yourself killed.''

JJ froze when he finished his sentence. She was allowed to be back at work under the condition of staying away from the case. And now her captain heard what she had done, which was going to have consequences. ''This isn't your case, Aaron.''

''It is, JJ.'' Hotch interjected. ''The FBI officially took over a few weeks ago and NYPD has offered their assistance so that's why we are still here.''

''JJ, did you disobey orders?'' Reed interfered angrily.

JJ turned around to face him, knowing what was coming next. She could feel it in the air. ''Yes, I did.''

''I should suspend you!'' he said angrily.

''I want to pursue this case, sir.'' JJ responded. It was her duty to get the man behind so much pain. Not just her own loss, but she knew that Anthony Hall caused a lot more pain than just hers. ''I want to catch the guy!''

''Don't make me suspend you!'' Reed threatened. He cared for her, more than he could admit, but he wouldn't put her in danger. He just couldn't do it.

''I'll make it easier for you!'' JJ said angrily. She pulled her badge and gun from her body and slammed them onto the table. ''I quit!''

JJ turned around and stormed out of the office, knowing she was being followed by Hotch. She didn't care anymore. He had been obsessive around her and it was killing her. She didn't walk out of the office with happiness. It was in anger and grief, knowing her job meant everything to her. But she couldn't work like this. It was absolute crap, so she made an obvious choice.

Hotch ran after JJ who just kept walking further away from him. ''JJ!'' he called but she didn't respond. ''JJ! Wait!''

She finally turned around with tears in her eyes. She pushed the elevator button and just said nothing as Hotch stepped next to her. ''I can't do this!'' she whispered.

''JJ, come on!'' he said as he followed her into the elevator.

''No, Aaron!'' she shot back. ''It's like you can't even understand what I lost. You just control every aspect of my life and it has to stop!''

Hotch leaned against the back of the elevator, feeling desperate to make her understand his opinion. ''JJ, I love you!'' he said. ''I don't want you to get hurt!''

''Did you just hear what I said?'' she asked him frantically. It seemed like he ignored every feeling she had when it came to Griffen.

''I heard you, JJ. I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now. I am just doing everything I can to protect you.''

The elevator stopped and JJ turned to Hotch one last time. ''Well, I can't take it anymore.'' she replied honestly. She walked away from him, already knowing where she was going next. She needed the resources to continue the investigation on her own and Parker & West would be the perfect place for her to do so. So she was going there and take Griffen's job.


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you all are having an amazing Christmas! I know it's a little late to say, but Merry Christmas. I wanted to write a Christmas story but I haven't had much time so I put a Christmas flashback into this chapter. I hope you all like it!

So there's one thing I would like to ask you all. I am working on a new story (JJ/Hotch). So I can post that one, but then there's a chance that updates to this story will not be posted as much since I am also working on the other one. Let me know what you guys want!

Special thanks to Kimd33, Westie80, K8e1, Sophia0665, jenny crum, Christiangirl, Snowbeardolphin and red2013!

And a huge amount of thanks to CriminalCrazy!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 31: Belonging**

The next step for JJ was to go to Parker & West to see Lauren. She knew it was going to eat her up inside to sit in the very office where Griffen had worked all those years, not to mention the shoes she had to fill. But even she knew there would never be a lawyer like him. Someone with a healthy distance and heart at the same time was something unlikely to find. JJ hadn't been able to act like that in the years she worked as a lawyer. Her emotions would always stand in the way of her truly being great, and she knew it. She just decided to not be affected by the kind of person she was. There were more than enough people who appreciated her honesty. So she was going to do her very best, but deep down she had another thing in mind. Yes, she would do the job. But she was also going to keep investigating on her own. She wasn't going to stop.

JJ walked out of the elevator and stepped onto the familiar floor. She turned around the corner and immediately saw Tracy sitting behind her desk. Seeing her friend immediately felt good. Tracy had always been the bubbly personality in the office. With her smiles, she could nearly make anyone laugh on their worst day.

''Hi!'' JJ called out as she approached the desk. She stopped right in front of Tracy.

Tracy looked up at her blonde friend and immediately jumped from her chair. ''Hey,'' she said as she walked around the desk to give JJ a quick but short hug, before sitting down once again as JJ took a seat on the edge of her desk. ''How are you?''

''I'm doing fine considering everything.'' she replied. ''How have you been?''

''JJ!'' Tracy warned. She knew what JJ was trying. It was what she had been doing ever since Griffen died. She would change the subject of a conversation when it had anything to do with her feelings.

''I'm here for work, Trace.'' she said in a hurry. ''I am going to take Griffen's job.''

''Are you sure about this?'' she asked as she looked into the office. Everything was still there. JJ hadn't had the courage to move anything around, just like every employee at Parker & West. It was like the office was the only reminder of the immense loss, and it was, but it wasn't the best reminder for all the people who walked by. ''JJ?'' she asked when she saw her staring into the office.

JJ faced her friend in agony. ''I need this.'' she whispered gently. ''I'm doing this for Griffen.''

''Lauren is in conference room B as we speak.'' Tracy offered. ''The meeting is about to end any minute now.''

''Thanks!'' JJ said. She put her purse on her shoulder and started her way to the other side of the floor where the conference rooms were located. As she walked through the building, she luckily didn't run into familiar faces. It would've been painful to talk about anything regarding Griffen, but her return was definitely going to spark questions, but that was something she had to worry about later on.

JJ walked past the conference room and noticed that Lauren was sitting in there all alone. So she quickly knocked on the door and proceeded to walk inside. Her former boss looked defeated. It was something JJ had never seen in Lauren before. She was always filled with pride and happiness. Probably because she built the biggest law firm in New-York from the ground up. She definitely had something to be proud of.

''Hey,'' JJ greeted. ''What's going on?''

Lauren turned around to face the unexpected figure behind her. ''JJ?'' she gasped. ''What are you doing here?''

''I want to take his place, Lauren.'' JJ began. ''I want to keep his memory alive and I think is the best way to do it.''

''That's great.'' Lauren breathed out. It was as if JJ walked in on time. She was needed. Parker & West was slowly losing their most important clients because Griffen West was no longer alive. ''Clients have been leaving in the past few weeks and I need you to get them back and convince others to stay. I know you've met most of Griffen's clients at all the fancy parties we have thrown so I think you can keep most of them here.''

''I will. I promise.'' JJ assured, knowing what she had to ask next. It seemed like Lauren would do anything to get her to take Griffen's job. So that meant it was very easy for JJ to negotiate. ''Lauren, I need one thing from you.''

''Whatever it is, you can have it.''

''I want time to investigate Griffen's murder on my own, and I need Parker & West resources to accomplish it.''

Lauren froze in surprise. It wasn't exactly what she expected to hear, or wanted to hear for that matter. She had heard that JJ was living under the protection of federal agents and that her daughter lived somewhere else for her safety. That meant the case was really dangerous and JJ didn't mind to walk into the danger zone. ''Are you sure that's what you want?''

JJ nodded slowly as the tears started to resurface. She looked out the window, remembering all the times she spent in that building with Griffen. It were great times. Times she would never forget. ''Griffen was the greatest gift in my life, Lauren. I can't walk away from this without catching the people behind his murder. I won't.'' JJ explained sadly. ''The man who attacked us in our own home is out there somewhere and he can do whatever he pleases to do. How could I not work on that case?''

''JJ, I don't want to keep you from working on that case. But please be careful. Losing you would be the complete end for everyone. Especially your daughter. You can do this next to the job, but take security with you when you go somewhere. Just be careful!'' Lauren said convincingly.

''I will. Thank you, Lauren!'' JJ said. She turned around and left the conference room to go to Griffen's office. Well, it was her office now. But a part of her would never really feel like it would be. She belonged at Parker & West, just not in the same way Griffen once did. But she knew there was also a different part of truly belonging somewhere. It was when she had her home with her husband and child. That was the true statement of belonging.

JJ stepped inside the office and looked at the photos on the wall. One of them sent her mind flying to years earlier.

* * *

_**Four years and nine months earlier…**_

_JJ sat in front of the fireplace with a hot cup of chocolate milk. It had been a long and wonderful day. They had spent Christmas with Sean and Tracy. Dinner had been delicious and JJ was absolutely exhausted as she on the floor. She leaned back against the pillow that was placed against the coffee table. Her hands covered her slowly growing stomach. She just found out she was twelve weeks pregnant. The baby bump hadn't been noticeable at all so when she didn't get her period, she figured it out. She went to the doctor and her suspicions were confirmed. She was pregnant. She just needed to tell Griffen the news. She had no idea how he was going to respond. He was workaholic to the core so she didn't know if he ever thought about having a baby._

''_What are you thinking about, babe?'' Griffen asked as he dropped down next to his wife._

_JJ crawled against his side and put her head on his shoulder, feeling the warmth and love seeping into her body all at once. ''There's something I have to tell you.'' she said, a hint of fear in her voice._

_Griffen heard the fear and turned around to fully face her. ''What is it?''_

''_I…I…I am pregnant!'' she blurted out. She watched as he froze right in front of her eyes. She didn't know what to expect and his response wasn't exactly what she expected to happen. ''Griffen?'' _

_A baby. They were having a baby. ''JJ, this is…'' he stopped when he couldn't find the right set of words._

''_What?''_

''_A Christmas miracle.'' he whispered as he put his hands on her stomach. ''This is amazing.'' he whispered as he pulled JJ tightly against him. They were building a life, and it was something he never saw coming. But it was absolutely perfect. It turned out to be everything he wanted. _

''_You lost a child before so I was afraid to tell you.'' JJ whispered against his shoulder._

_He broke away from the hug and looked at her. ''JJ, you and this life we have together is the one thing that keeps me going. I am so happy. How could I not love the child we created together?'' he said happily. ''This is amazing. I love you!''_

''_I love you too!''_

* * *

JJ snapped back to reality when she felt a tear falling on her arm. They had a beautiful life together. It was one filled with promises for the future, and that Christmas had been one of the best moments of her life. They had only been married three months, but it was the right time. Lucy brought only more happiness into their lives.

And as she stood in the office, she realized her path of revenge wasn't only for her, it was for Lucy as well. She was getting the justice for the wrong that had been done to her family.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: Here's next chapter. I hope you all like it!

Special thanks to jenny crum, guest, Sophia0665, Westie80, Christiangirl, Kimd33, K8e1, red2013 and CM Fan!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 32: Family matters**

_**Three days later…**_

In three days, JJ's life went from silence to busyness. She was handling all of Griffen's cases while she worked on the investigation in her own free time, which was at night. She didn't close an eye, but she soon enough realized she would never know a real truth behind the murder if she didn't talk to Daniel Hotchner. He was the key in the entire case, so JJ had found a way to get inside the prison. She was going in under the pretense of being a defense attorney for another prisoner while a guard, someone who owed her a favor, would move Hotch's father into an interview room without anyone ever knowing. It had all been set up, but JJ knew Hotch had agents on her trail wherever she went. It seemed like he was still obsessed with her safety. So she only had to find a way to get rid of the agents on her protection detail and she knew it wasn't going to be easy. But luckily there were people in her life who wanted to help her.

As JJ stood in the parking garage of Parker & West, she saw two cars pulling up. She stepped back and waited for the two familiar faces to appear in front of her. As soon as JJ saw Tracy and Ben, she smiled widely. Somehow it felt like they were committing a crime. ''Thanks for coming.'' JJ said happily as she walked towards her two colleagues. ''Did everything go according to plan?''

Tracy nodded. ''Sean believes I am at home with Lucy.''

''Well, Lucy is staying at home with my wife.'' Benjamin added. ''I took the liberty of renting a car for you so it's easier to get to the prison. So Lucy will take your car for a nice ride around the city.'' he said, seeing the tension in JJ's body rise rapidly.

JJ stepped forward and took the keys from Benjamin as her heart raced a mile a minute. ''Thanks. I will take it from here.''

Tracy pulled JJ back by her arm when she was about to leave for the car. ''JJ, be careful.'' she whispered and when JJ nodded, she let her go. JJ disappeared into the car and took off in a hurry as Tracy looked for comfort in her other colleague. They stood together, their hands clutched, both of them praying for the well-being of their friend. It had taken them both a lot of consideration to help JJ, but she would've done it with or without them. She was fighting for the love she lost and neither of them wanted to be in her way.

* * *

It took JJ about an hour before she reached Sing Sing correctional facility. She had been there more times than she could count. She hated prisons. It was filled with the people who did damage to the world and the people in it. But this time she could easily leave that thought. This time she had a mission, and she wouldn't let her personal feelings be a problem. They all went out the window, knowing she was about to interview the man who killed her family. Her entire family.

It took another ten minutes before she got through security and was in the right part of the prison. The fact that everything went according to plan was good. She followed the guard she knew through the prison and he stopped in front of a closed door. When he turned around and gave her a nod, she felt the chills going down her spine. She was really doing it. She was going to be faced with the man who robbed her blind. The man she hated more than anyone in the world. But now he was the only one who could help her.

She opened the door, stepped inside and closed it behind her. She met his gaze and saw the shock on his face. He recognized her and she was relieved about that fact. He deserved to spend a lifetime thinking about what he had done. Not only to her family, but to his own. ''Hello Daniel.'' JJ greeted coldly. She put her phone on record before she sat down across from the man. ''No greetings?'' she asked.

He sat back in complete shock. ''What are you doing here?'' he asked defensively. He didn't know if he should've been scared or happy about her visit.

''I am here for answers. I think you owe me that much!'' JJ said angrily as she pulled the documents from her purse.

''Jennifer Jareau.'' Daniel stated. ''The girl who was caught between my two sons. Who are you with?''

JJ decided to ignore the question, but realized soon enough that she couldn't avoid it. He had to know she married Griffen. He needed to know she wasn't there because of the past, but mostly for the death of her husband. Well, she did want revenge for her family. She just thought it had already been served. ''My name is Jennifer West. I married Griffen West.'' she explained calmly. ''The man who was listening to your story and got killed because of it.''

''Oh my god,'' he gasped. ''So that's why Griffen was so interested in me?''

''I am not here to answer your questions!'' JJ threatened as she rose from the chair. ''I am here to find out why Griffen was killed and who did it. We both know you know who did it!''

He put his elbows on the table as JJ walked around the room impatiently. ''This is so much bigger than your husband or your parents. The truth will get you killed, darling.''

JJ slammed her hands onto the table with such force that Daniel Hotchner jumped. ''I don't care! I will declare war if they want it. Tell me what happened!'' she said, but he stayed silent. She pulled a picture of her days as a police detective from the pile of papers. She knew she probably needed it to threaten him or at least scare him somewhat. ''Look at this!'' she ordered as he put the picture on front of his eyes.

His eyes scanned the picture and he noticed JJ surrounded by cops. They were posing for a picture as all of them were wearing police uniforms.

''You know you're being protected in this prison, but one call and your nice friends will get you killed.'' she warned him. ''It's your choice.''

''Fine!'' he said, the fear taking over his voice. The people he knew were powerful. They would do anything to keep the truth from coming out, and he was safe in the prison as long as he was in solitary confinement. But he knew JJ wouldn't be safe for long if she kept her search for the truth going. He just couldn't worry about her. ''When my company was in trouble I asked one of my friends, Joel Austen, for some money.'' he began with a shaking voice. ''Two months later, he showed up at my doorstep asking for the money. I didn't have it.''

JJ wrote down the name. She heard of it before. She knew the name from the days when she was working by Griffen's side. ''Joel Austen? The ADA?'' she whispered to herself. She quickly forced herself to focus. ''What happened next?''

''He threatened my family. He even showed me pictures of other dead families so I knew I would take him seriously.'' he went on. ''He gave me the address of your family and one night I drank a lot and followed the car. I raced into it and left the scene before anyone saw me.''

''Yeah, I know all of this!'' JJ said. ''I want names. I want to know why my family was killed.''

''I only dealt with Joel Austen.'' he said honestly. ''But he mentioned that someone named, Tom Murphy, had to pay and that's why I had to kill your family.''

Tom Murphy? Her uncle. Her own family. The name made her knees go weak. And as she gathered her belongings, she heard Daniel talking to her in the background, but she could only focus on the name. It couldn't be true. He couldn't be involved. He raised her. He became like a father to her. She had trusted him her entire life because he became family. She trusted him.


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: Here's another chapter! I hope you all like it.

Special thanks to K8e1, Sophia0665, Westie80, Kimd33, Christiangirl, red2013, BAUMember, Snowbeardolphin and waiyeex90!

And an amazing thanks to CriminalCrazy!

I don't own criminal minds!

* * *

**Chapter 33: Unsettling monsters**

JJ passed the gate and walked onto the parking lot, her head spinning. The tears were in her eyes and she was about to break down right there on the ground. The truth was unacceptable. It was horrifying but it all pieced together, and for the first time in weeks she had a lead. Something to go on. But knowing her uncle was involved somehow didn't make it any better. Everyone around her was slowly disappearing from her life. She just couldn't handle it anymore. Her world had been turned upside down too many times to count. She wondered how she was even standing there. The reality was damning and heartbreaking. But how was she still alive? How did she keep on going when there seemed to be nothing left to live for?

It was when those questions raced through her head that she noticed two SUV's pulling up into the parking lot and driving her way. The windows were tinted and she didn't think anything of it as she walked towards the rental car. She took her keys from her purse and moved along the parking lot when she finally realized the cars were right behind her. Instead of looking back, she just kept walking and the goose bumps covered her skin. She realized something wasn't right. And her suspicions were confirmed when she turned around step inside her car and she noticed the window rolling down. The passenger in the backseat pointed a gun at her and was about to pull the trigger when another SUV raced onto the parking lot and slammed into the other car. So JJ dove behind her car and pulled the backup gun from her hip. She heard a lot of yelling and then suddenly she recognized the voice. It was Hotch. He was yelling out FBI. So she rose from the ground and was confronted with Hotch, who had a gun pointed at his head. She pointed her gun straight at his attacker and kept it there.

Hotch was struggling against the grip of the large man. But he knew nothing was going to work. He was actually in the hands of the man who had killed Griffen West. They had found Anthony Hall right there, but he wasn't the one with the power in that moment. ''JJ! Go!'' he yelled. ''Go!''

Anthony pressed the gun against Hotch's skull, causing him to wince out in pain. ''He's going to stay alive if you come with me.'' he ordered simply. ''Drop the gun, blondie!''

JJ wasn't about to listen to anything he was saying but the look in Hotch's eyes pulled her over the edge. She couldn't let him die. Losing him would be the definite end of her existence. Her hands started to shake and the gun fell from her hands within seconds. She was listening to his orders. She didn't mind ending up dead herself if the people she loved would make it. And that's when she realized she loved the man in front of her. It took her all that time to admit it, but she did. It was the simple reality. Life and death moments always revealed true feelings. It was what it was. But the guilt came along with it. The look in his eyes when she dropped the gun was heartbreaking.

''JJ! No!'' he whispered. 'Don't give yourself up for me!'' he said, but he was too late. He felt the grip on his body loosen and next thing he knew, he felt the barrel of the gun slamming against his face and he fell to the ground.

JJ ran forward to reach Hotch. ''Aaron!'' she yelled in desperation but she was held back by her worst enemy. He took her by the arm and pulled her towards the SUV. She decided to submit and let the events come her way. There was nothing she could do. It was over. So she was pushed inside the car, and before she was able to sit straight someone put a cloth over her mouth from behind. She knew that distinct smell. It was the sickening smell of chloroform. She passed out, looking into the eyes of Anthony Hall. Her husband's killer.

* * *

The dripping of water onto the concrete floor forced JJ to open her eyes. Her eyes flew open and she immediately took in her surroundings, which created panic within her in just a few seconds. She was tied to a chair, her hands bound behind her. The room was dark, the air humid and the ground covered in a layer of water. She closed her eyes for a moment to gather herself. She had to stay positive. She couldn't just give up.

In that exact moment the door to the dark room opened and a tall dark figure stepped inside, causing JJ's heart to beat a mile a minute. She squeezed her eyes when the lights were turned on, and she was gazing at a man she had never seen in her entire life.

''It's an honor to meet you.'' the older man said sarcastically. ''Jennifer Jareau in the flesh.''

JJ looked at the ground, ignoring the intense stare of the man. ''What do you want?''

''Well, I want a lot.'' he answered. ''But for now I just want the evidence against me to disappear and I know someone who will take of it.''

''Who are you? What do you want?'' she yelled, her voice filled with desperation and utter fear. ''Why did you hire Anthony Hall to kill my husband? How is ADA Joel Austen involved? And why was my entire family killed?''

''Your father knew too much, just like you do now!'' he threatened, his voice cold and distant. ''You're going to join your dear family in the grave.''

JJ swallowed back her fear and ego, prepared to die with the information about her family's death. ''You can kill me if you like, but at least extend the courtesy of the truth to me.''

''Someone will tell you the truth, believe me!'' he said, turning around and leaving JJ all to herself, knowing what was coming next. He was going to destroy everyone who got in his way. The blonde was just one of the many.


End file.
